"Top Shviggers!"

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  • #597989
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    I was wondering if anyone can give me a list of qualities to look for

    in a Top Shvigger. Or just some of the qualities that your shvigger has that makes her Tops.

    #804234
    minyan gal
    Member

    I should think that you should be looking for top qualities in a kallah. Whatever “qualities” – good or bad – that her mother has, simply are part of the whole package. Remember, under most circumstances, she won’t be living with you, but her daughter will be.

    #804235
    ronrsr
    Member

    Yes, choose the right gal or guy.. Learn to love the shvigger.

    #804236
    deiyezooger
    Member

    THere is a yiddish saying; “men tantzed mit shikirim ziben taig in men laibed mit a mentch a gantzen laiben” (you dance with a drunk for seven days but you live with a “mentch” for life) meaning that you rather want a good chusan/kallah aldough the parents are not perfect then perfect mechutanim but the chusan/kallah are not.

    #804237
    hudi
    Participant

    Is it just me, or do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

    #804238
    smartcookie
    Member

    Make sure she lives out of town….;)

    (JK, I really love my shvigger!)

    #804239
    oomis
    Participant

    All those qualities contained in me, of course, reflect a top, top shvigger. Ask my in-law kids…(they better say the right thing).

    #804240
    real-brisker
    Member

    Who you marrying?

    #804241
    adorable
    Participant

    I hope this thread is a joke? if you also need a perfect mother-in-law, good luck getting married

    #804242
    just me
    Participant

    My mother-in-law was a great woman. She didn’t meddle. When she thought her son was at fault for something, she said something to him. She was a friend to me. I enjoyed her company. She was generous. She didn’t always agree with how her daughters-in-law brought up their children but she never contradicted them in front of their children. She was an amazing very special woman and I miss her.

    #804243
    oomis
    Participant

    Just Me, I was also a lucky daughter-in-law like you. And I likewise gave the same love back to her, in turn.

    #804244
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    hudi; It’s just you.

    #804245
    aries2756
    Participant

    BH, seriously?

    #804246
    bpt
    Participant

    Can I hijack this thread, and start posting mother-in-law jokes?

    #804248
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    minyan gal; Thanks for sharing, now that’s inspiring.

    There are some super MIL out there, though people joke about them,

    I just wish it would rub off on the rest of them. A kind MIL is a major key in Shalom Bayis. Your post engages my intention for this thread.

    Although some humor is always appreciated if it’s not at my expense.

    J/K I can take it. 😉

    #804249
    golden mom
    Member

    make sure shes a good cook lol

    and she can keep her mouth shut

    #804250
    therealmgama
    Member

    did I hear correctly, minyan gal? you say WHAT for your deceased MIL?

    #804251
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    minyan gal, thank you for sharing that with us. It must have been so hard for you when she passed away, especially after hearing what a wonderful person she was. May the lessons she taught you guide you throughout your life.

    #804252
    Bubby B
    Participant

    Rav Avigdor Miller,ZT”L; a noted Godol of our generation was known to say that a shvigger should keep her pocketbook open and her mouth closed. I & most smart women would agree. It is crucial not only to agree and give lipservice to this rule but to truly carry through. And even if you don’t have much in the pocketbook, put a vault lock on your mouth. I’ve seen total Destruction CHURBAN of a marriage/full size family CHURBAN of highest order CHURBAN HAMIKDASH caused by the mouth of a ________of a shvigger.

    (fill in your own adj)

    #804253
    Health
    Participant

    oomis1105 -“All those qualities contained in me, of course, reflect a top, top shvigger.”

    Ok, I’m still waiting.

    #804254
    Health
    Participant

    Bubby B – Sometimes the Shver is worse than the Shvigs.

    In my case, the Shver is/was a Shverer Parsha!

    #804255
    aries2756
    Participant

    It is up to the in-law parents on both sides to start building the relationship. It is hard for the kids to know what to do. How can they possibly know what to do in order for you to like them? It is up to you the parents to love them right off the cuff because your children have chosen them and your children love them therefore you must as well. It is up to the in-law parent to make them feel welcome and wanted and to NOT be the source of machlokes between your child and their spouse. Your child’s happiness and shalom bayis is of the utmost importance especially during shana reshona but in general all the time. If you have an issue do not take it up with your child. Do NOT in any way put your child in the middle and make the child choose sides. Try to work it out with the in-law child because it might vey well be just a misunderstanding. Put your cards on the table. Do not accuse, speak about feelings. Say that you want to clear up an issue before it becomes hurtful and runs out of control. If you put your child in between you might not like the side s/he chooses and that will only make things worse.

    Always try to dan l’kaf zchus after all you are older and wiser, they will eventually learn, but on the other hand, don’t make yourself into a shmatah. Make sure you are respected at all times. Don’t treat one child’s children (grandchildren) different than any others. All grandchildren are the same. Don’t treat one in-law child different than the other, they are all the same. Of course you might have a different relationship with one than the other because of different personalities but if you buy gifts for one you have to buy for all. Don’t play favorites.

    Okay, BH, where do I fall in, in the Shviger category?

    #804256
    Tomche
    Member

    Some shviggers are like Cinderella’s stepmother.

    #804257
    Health
    Participant

    Tomche -“Some shviggers are like Cinderella’s stepmother.”

    True and some are like her and the wife ain’t no Cinderella!

    #804258
    oomis
    Participant

    oomis1105 -“All those qualities contained in me, of course, reflect a top, top shvigger.”

    Ok, I’m still waiting. “

    There are too many things to list here, with love and support in a non-judgmental way, heading the list. My son-in-law appreciates all the help I have given them in child care for the last three years, the love and devotion that we give to him personally, my respect for him both as my son-in-law and as a person, the way I interact with his parents and siblings, etc. Likewise, his parents love my daughter, and I appreciate that.

    My daughter-in-law knows she can call me any time of the day or night (and she has), if she has a question or a problem, something she is worried about. She respects and values my opinion, and will call me to schmooze, if she needs another sounding board. Typically, you see that only with one’s own mother, but my DIL trusts me, and even when we see things differently, she knows she can come to me,even with personal issues. She knows she is loved, and when she gave birth to my beautiful grandsons, the first thing I said to her was thank you from the bottom of my heart for the beautiful matanos she gave us.

    The bottom line, I learned from observing my own mother how to be a truly wonderful shvigger. My husband cried when she was nifteres, saying to her that she was a mother to him, not a MIL. His own mother, who was ill for all of the time that I knew her, was nonetheless very loving and wonderful to me, and in turn, I was a devoted DIL to her. The best way to be a good shvigger is to show your kids that you are a good in-law child, as well.

    Aside… I do hope you get that I was kidding around when I said top, top shvigger. I try to be, but we all make mistakes. The best thing is to let the kids live their lives; we already HAD our shot.

    #804259
    Health
    Participant

    oomis1105 -You missed my point. I wasn’t looking for a list of qualifications. I took your word at that. I meant I’m waiting for you to become my MIL. (You once said you have a single girl.)

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