Vacationing Separately

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  • This topic has 25 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 12 years ago by bpt.
Viewing 26 posts - 1 through 26 (of 26 total)
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  • #599104
    Will Rogers
    Member

    How good an idea do you think it is if a spouse goes on vacation by themselves, while the other spouse takes care of the children and home?

    #806071
    Chein
    Member

    Whatever works best for your family is best for you.

    #806072
    bpt
    Participant

    You just described the bungalow experience (or the chossid going to EY to the Rebbe for Yom Tov)

    My experience (as is the case for most of my friends) has been a good one all around. Nothing builds a marraige like time apart

    #806073

    If you figure out how to do it without getting the silent treatment for the rest of your marriage, let me know…

    #806074
    bpt
    Participant

    “If you figure out how to do it … let me know…”

    Marketing. That’s how.

    You say things like, “if you go away for the summer, think about how rested you’ll be for the coming winter”.

    Or, “I’ll go to the Rebbe and ask for your life to be a pleasant and blessed one”.

    See? Talk her, think you. Works like a charm!

    #806075

    When my sons are a bit older, I’d like to take them on a road trip…just the boys…I think my wife would be happy to get a couple of nights on her own….

    Last winter my wife stayed on for an extra week in Miami with the kids, she stayed with her parents…I came home alone…It was weird to be home alone, but I never slept better…

    #806076
    bpt
    Participant

    See? And look how well she managed.

    Road trip? Ooh, do I want to do one of those. Rent an RV, and head off!

    #806077
    apushatayid
    Participant

    We do it every summer. For 8 weeks.

    I have also pushed my wife, many times, to go with friends to a spa for a few days and do whatever it is that women do at these spas. So far she has refused.

    #806078
    Chein
    Member

    Does the separate vacation take the place of the joint vacation?

    #806079
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    It depends if she goes with friends, if not it may be problematic.

    These days with Facebook etc… It’s no joke the crazy things that can, and sometimes unfortunately do happen.

    #806080
    aries2756
    Participant

    Chein, I agree about whatever works for the couple. If the couple has a good strong marriage it is not a problem. If they don’t they have problems no matter what.

    #806081
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    Yeah, how about couples saying “our marriage is so strong I don’t mind if the other flirts shamelessly.”

    aries2756; strong marriages are built by being faithful,

    and really connecting to your spouse, and strong marriages can crumble too. Being irresponsible, or putting oneself into a situation that can lead to inappropriate behavior, or temptation,

    Is not a recipe for continuing a strong marriage.

    Chazal have rules in certain situations in where being with one’s spouse has the power to protect from certain behavior.

    It is clear that without being with ones spouse one can easily fall prey to halachic as well as marital problems.

    I’m not saying yes or no, i’m just saying be aware of what it can cause. Giving a free pass to someone who has a strong marriage to do something that may undermine that very close bond, is unsettling.

    #806082
    HaQer
    Member

    It is not tznius for women to vacation at all. It’s even worse with her husband. She should stay home with her daughters while the husband and boys vacation

    #806083
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Wow, HaQer,

    I feel sorry for your wife and daughters.

    Ever been caged yourself?

    #806084
    deiyezooger
    Member

    Haqer is obviously trying to get a response by posting an extream view, if he cant do better then this please just ignore him folks.

    #806085
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    UZ /B/ TROLLIN

    #806086
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    It is not tznius for women to vacation at all. It’s even worse with her husband. She should stay home with her daughters while the husband and boys vacation

    Forget tznius, the women always ruin the vacation because the take forever to get ready, and then are afraid to do anything fun.

    But, it is important to bring them because they make the sandwiches.

    So I say bring them and leave them at the hotel.

    #806087
    aries2756
    Participant

    BH, It would depend on what you are thinking. Many women take vacation with their mothers while the men stay home continuing their regular routine work and Kolel. There is nothing wrong with that and that should have no negative effect on anyones marriage. I don’t see why you would think it does. I don’t think that men taking Las Vegas or AC vacations are good for anyone’s marriage. However, when men go to Meron for 3 days for Lag B’omer, as long as it is OK with the wife, and it is ok with the finances, for brachas, etc. I don’t think that should be an issue either. That is what I am talking about in a strong marriage. Things that are thought out and worked out.

    I don’t give free passes. Husbands and Wives have to put each other at the top of their priority lists and not let anyone or anything get between them. Neither family or friends; and vacations with friends to get away from spouses is not my idea of vacations that help marriages. But when a husband realizes that the wife who supports him and works so hard needs a vacation and she goes on vacation with her mom who can help her with the kids, or even watches some of the kids while she takes some of the kids, that strengthens a marriage because it shows hakaros hatov. When a husband and wife decide that HE should go to Meron because they need the Brachos and they save the money for him to do that, that shows trust and emunah in the husband and that strengthens a marriage. He is going for the purpose of helping the marriage and not fooling around with his friends.

    #806088
    always here
    Participant

    my DH & I used to go to Israel together.. several times in fact.

    then we had a ‘situation’ going on over there for over 2 1/2 yrs. & my husband & I took turns going to Israel alone; we each stayed weeks @ a time, & my trip in 2008 lasted 4 months!

    we did fit in a great 12 day trip to Colorado together in ’09.

    I’ve also been to Vegas twice w/ my sister.. & have gone on a couple of ‘sister retreats’ for weekends, when she lived in Oregon & Washington, in the past.

    most recently, I was up in the country for 2 1/2 wks w/ my daughter & her family; my husband came for one day & night.

    #806089
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    aries2756; I hear you. I meant more like a young wife going alone to miami to lie on the beach for a week, not her mother.

    I wasn’t talking about ruchnius trips either for husband or the spouse. Im nostly really talking about where just the place and setting already sounds potentially problematic.

    A wife or even a husband going alone for a week to Vegas on business. Vegas isn’t a town popular for its Ruchnius.

    There is a Yetzer Horah, and going to his home field is not wise,

    even if you’ve done it before w/o messing up that doesn’t

    give you immunity, otc, it only makes every time more dangerous.

    #806090
    Stamper
    Member

    bein: What difference is there whether it is the young wife vacationing alone in Miami, or if it is her mother vacationing alone in Miami? IOW, what is the difference if she is “young” or not?

    #806091
    Toi
    Participant

    when asked to go on vacation with friends i responded”can i bring my wife?” they asked why would you want to? so i replied “because i like her”.

    #806092
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    Stamper; I’m not C”V giving heterim for yichud based on age no way!

    I don’t expect any married jewish girls with a good B”Y education

    to go up to a goy or non Yorei Shomayim, and start flirting or looking for serious trouble.

    (I’m not talking here about the OTD yidden or those “acting religious who are “sooo NOT” u know who u are)

    I do expect a goy or non Yorei Shomayim to approach a nice looking young woman and start flirting (especially the way they tend to dress today) Since B’nos Yisroel B’etzem are not Prutzois but

    if approached may be swayed or M’futeh since Nashim Daton Kalos..

    I said “a young wife.”

    I may be wrong, but I don’t feel that a 50 year old woman has the same dangers of being approached as I do a young women especially

    ages 18-36.

    I also feel a 50yo Yiddishe Mameh wouldn’t be swayed as easily as a younger woman would. Not halacha, just Metzius.

    #806093
    bpt
    Participant

    “Does the separate vacation take the place of the joint vacation? “

    No, it follows the joint one (so you can recover from the time spent under the microscope)

    #806094
    Abe Cohen
    Participant

    So you vacation separately, vacation jointly, take off Yomim Tovim and Shabbosim.

    How many weeks is left to work per year, again?

    #806095
    bpt
    Participant

    “How many weeks is left to work per year, again?”

    I see your point, but I my case, even when I’m miles aways from a geographic standpoint, the spectre of Mrs. BP is always looming in the background, so I’m really still facing 52 weeks of service

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