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With Succos and Pesach, its easy. The first year, she goes to her parents first days and his second days. The following year they switch. As far as Rosh Hashana is concerned, I think it would depend on where the husband is most comfortable davening, like he might want to remain in Yeshiva if he’s there learning. Same with Shavuos.
we switch between my side and his side for rosh hashannah, yom kippur home, 1st half sukkot my side, second half sukkot his side/home. for us it is a little bit of an issue, his side is in walking distance so we always sleep home. but my side is far and we have to sleep out. we usually come up with a plan for tishrei in elul and stick with it. makes life easeier.
Which “side” is winning?
The one that is actually HAPPY you came. 😉
As my parents and inlaws live in two different cities we are dividing succos in half. first days and 2 days of chol hamoaid by my in laws. but since we live in the same city as my parents we will be by them for shimini atzeres but by our yeshiva (and our own home) for simchas torah.
rosh hashana we are haing my family for a meal, eating one meal by them and then probably making our own the rest unless someone invites us by then.
we have not yet had a pesach (we got married right after it) but will probably do first days by my parents and second days by his.
ames, there are the ‘first days’ and the ‘second days’ there too!
My in-laws don’t do holidays the way I want to (they sort of just have the meal and thats it, and don’t treat the holidays that special) so we always holiday by my family.
When I lived in the same city as my in-laws, we did go to them for meals sometimes on Rosh Hashana and Shavuot.
My sisters also always come home for Pesach, Sukkot and Shavuot.
RH and YK we are usually home, but because I am due any day now (my due dates are September 3, 7 or 12 LOL), we are going to my mother. And staying until after the holidays are done.
SJS, triplets? B’sha’ah tova! B’sha’ah tova! B’sha’ah tova!
sjs, keep us posted!!
LOL Squeak. No, but they changed my dates 3 times. Its ok – I’m in no rush, as long as the baby is healthy.
The “rules” are valuable I guess, but we never went by them – one side was too far away, then some years we had simchas which used up vacation time, etc.
I guess the best thing to do is whatever works best for the kids and family any given yom tov.
We do not live in the same town as my parents or in laws, so we travel twice a year for Succos and Pesach. Since we see our family so seldom, we each want to spend a lot of time with “our” families. Up until now my parents had a lot of room so we ended up sleeping there thus spending most of the time there. This year my in laws made it very clear that they are making ample space for us, this doesnt leave me too excited, as much as I love my inlaws, for the short amount of time that we will be away I would really like to be by my parents…
sjsinNYC “My in-laws don’t do holidays the way I want to (they sort of just have the meal and thats it, and don’t treat the holidays that special) so we always holiday by my family. “
Did your husband have any say in this decision, as it had to have caused him some
problems with his family. The only place you mention “we” is the part about always holidaying with your family,
For the first several years of our marriage, we alternated spending Succos & Pesach with my parents and in-laws. During most of this time, we lived in different cities than both families, so spending part of a holiday with each family was not feasible. After my daughter was diagnosed with celiac disease, my in-laws were not able to accomodate her diet, so we could not stay with them for Yom Tov; then we visited my family for Pesach & spent other Yomim Tovim at home. Now that our children are older & my husband’s work schedule is less accomodating, travel is more difficult, so we spend our Yomim Tovim at home.
Rosh Hashana we go to my parents for dinner and we eat at home for the lunch seuda since we daven at different shuls and finish at different times. Succos, we have the dinner meals with my parents and the lunchs with my husband’s family. The last days, though, we stay home. Pessach we sort of alternate days and we stay home some days.
My daughter and son-in-law go to be with his rebbe for R”H. Succos and Pessach they spend the first days with one set of parents and the last days with the other, alternating years. My son and daughter-in-law live in Israel and only come in for Pessach. They also alternate.
So who “wins”? Who ever keeps peace and doesn’t keep count of days and meal and always makes children feel welcome. BTW, when our children are with us and we go away, wa ALL go.
Did your husband have any say in this decision, as it had to have caused him some
problems with his family. The only place you mention “we” is the part about always holidaying with your family,
Lesschumras, yes my husband has a say 🙂 We discussed the issues and came to a mutually acceptable decision. He understands why I don’t think they celebrate correctly and he kind of agrees. Plus he HATES Brooklyn with a passion so he has no problem avoiding it.
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