Wacko Chesed

??

Sometimes one is put in a position where he is compelled to do a chessed for someone who is unpleasant. My friend who opens her home to anyone and everyone for a Shabbos meal, had a VERY last-minute Pesach Sedorim guest, a stranger who was supposed to be by someone else, but at the last minute they decided to go away for the Sedorim. My friend was kind enough to say yes. At their home, this guest was incredibly rude, insulted the meals she had prepared, proceeded to tell her how she SHOULD have prepared the food, because he doesn’t LIKE xyz of what was being served. He did some other things as well, but I cannot recall what she told me. I was appalled however, that someone would be such a kafui tov to anyone, much less someone kind enough to host him for Pesach at the last minute. And if the stranger who acted in this manner happens to be reading this – hamayvin yavin.

I found out this story, because I myself had had an unsettling experience doing a similar tova for a stranger whom my Rov had asked me to host unexpectedly. Both my friend and I try to be gracious hosts. And I will always try to be welcoming at the time, even if I don’t care for the guest (though he will not get a second chance to insult or embarrass my family or me).

Sometimes you HAVE to do a chessed with a less than sterling attitude. And I disagree with Yochie. I believe that Hashem gives us GREATER sachar for doing a chessed when it is especially difficult and we might have negative feelings. It is easy to be nice to nice people. Much harder to be nice to intransigent and rude ingrates. If we still manage to be, despite their ill-mannered behavior, kol hakavod.

I have also had guests who were extremely rude. Someone once told us that the amount of food we had was “skimpy” because she’d been to places where they serve chicken, beef, 3 different salads and 4 different kugels. We only had 2 chicken dishes, one salad, and 3 kugels. She was also just really overall annoying. We told the person who asked us to host her not to send her again. We also told her that referring her to others might not be a great idea.

I did not mean negitive feelings (we’re only humans). I meant showing negitave attitude. It’s a gemorah.

Artchill, let’s agree to strongly disagree. Chessed IS a mitzvah. Al shlosha devarim haolam omeid…etc. We are human and as such cannot ALWAYS be in a great frame of mind. That does not preclude or excuse us from doing chessed. If I go to visit someone who is ill when I myself feel exhausted from a day of watching my granddaughter, doing laundry, running household errands, and I really just want to lie down and relax (did I mention there are 18″ of snow on the ground and I have to dig out my car?) then I have done a chessed that I was really not up to doing. Sometimes we have to just suck it up. Would it be better to NOT do the chessed?

Miritchka, it really is assur for someone to whom you are indebted, to make you feel that way by word or deed.

We had just moved to a new neighborhood and were invited to a family for Shabbos. I was in awe of the wife’s cooking skills and blurted out, “Where did you learn to cook like this??” I realized afterwards it didn’t sound quite like a compliment, and stumbled over myself, but I think I hurt her. I’ve seen her a few times since then and she’s been cool to me. I feel badly that I hurt her, but I’m afraid bringing it up again will just make it worse.

I guess the reason they are doing chessed is to feel good about themselves, or to brag, or put on a resume.

I doubt it’s to help the other person.

The main reason is cuz HB”H wills us to do chessed.

or just to help yenner, but to make fun?!