- This topic has 75 replies, 25 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 2 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Everyone stands up for the Choson when he comes down the aisle.
I’ve heard that when R’ Yaakov Kaminetzky was asked what his minhag is regarding walking to the chupah, he said his minhag is to do whatever his mechutanim want.
“Many Rebbish families are makpid on not white.”
Of all the weddings I’ve been to, or seen pictures of, I’ve never not seen white; unless you’re speaking of different shades of white: ivory, cream, etc. .. which still all look white.
I’m curious as to what colors you are referencing…
I’ve heard that some people have an issue with a divorced “couple” walking the chosson or kallah to the chupah; some kind of negative segulah. I don’t know much about it, though.
I was at a wedding where the parents of the kallah were divorced. She was walked down by another couple, with her mother next to the woman and her father next to the man.
Twisted asked “A bigger kasha is where did the white dress come from?”
It is actually a takana that chazal made “ksei shloi l’vayeish es mi sheain la” In order not to embarrass someone who doesn’t have.
In the times of chazal most clothing were white, because colors meant that you had to dye the threads early on in the process of making the clothing. This was a major and expensive job and many did not have the means to do so.
When you realize this, you can understand why the ksones pasim that Yaakov gave to Yosef was a big deal. It wasn’t that the brothers got solid black (or white) and Yosef’s was just striped, the whole jacket was made from scratch specifically for Yosef at a great expense, thus showing the world that Yosef had special status in the eyes of his father.
I once heard from Rav Nissin Kaplan (from the Mir) that the pshat is zmiros l’shabbos, Kol Mikadesh, “K’Challah bais reoseha Mishbatza” (like a kalla who is beufified by her friends) is refering to this thought. That every kalla looks the same, because of this takana of chazal, but if you wantto know which kalla is fancier or more wealthy, look at her friends, if they are wearing colors than this is a high class wedding, but if they are wearing white then the kalla is from a more basic home.
So to with Shabbos. By the way one makes sure his friends and neighbors have a beutiful Shabbos is a reflection of his own respect for Shabbos.
(Sorry for such a long answer to a short question).
Zaidy, A most beautiful thought!
I’m curious as to what colors you are referencing
Stark white
well meaning busy body~ huh?
No. Those rishnim were not discussing girls under 12. In the time of the gemara there was erusin and almost a year later nissuin. The gemara mentions that “chuppa” accomplishes nissuin. What is chuppa? Some rishonim say it is the father escorting his daughter to the rishus of the chassan. So, there is a minhag to do so. If the father is escorting his daughter, should her father in law join on the other side, or does it make more sense for it to be her mother?
apushatayid: Which Rishonim and where? Thanks
Until I see it I find it hard to understand
Since everyone is so up in my business let me give you ALL a final answer.
THIS WAS discussed BEFORE the engagement. MY son-in-law knew about this before I met his parents and he told me his parents felt the same way. I discussed it with his parents when we met and THEY had the same shita. AGAIN WHY is this a problem for you? A shidduch was made for our daughter with a family that was similar to ours? Why is it so hard to believe that? That is usually what happens.
And DY, are you married yet? Do you know how your parents feel about this? Are you a parent yet? Are you holding near shidduchim? Do you dream about walking your children down to the chuppah? Maybe if you have 10 kids five of each, then it doesn’t matter to you because sometimes it might go one way and some the other. If you don’t care you don’t care. BUT MANY OF US DO care. WE have special feelings about this and if YOU can’t understand this there is nothing more I wish to say on the subject.
PBA, Is that what YOU do, lock YOUR daughter in the closet when she doesn’t comply with YOUR wishes? Pretty harsh wouldn’t you say?
ENOUGH SAID. DO WHAT YOU DECIDE TO DO, THIS IS OUR MINHAG AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO! I don’t owe any of you an explanation. I tried to be polite about it but I am done.
I know someone whose first child, a daughter, married someone whose parents had the minhag that the two mothers walked the kallah and the two fathers walked the chosson. I was at their house when they were leaving to go to the wedding hall. Since they couldn’t walk their daughter at the chuppah, the father decided he and his wife would walk her to the car. He has a sense of humor about these things.
last year our daughter married a Lubavitcher & their minhag is that all parents & grandparents circle the kallah at the chuppah. my husband’s from a Vishnitz family & refused to participate… he just stood to the side. it sure was crowded under that chuppah!!
(both parents walked our respective child down the aisle).
I think it is gimmel alef and beis where the gemara discusses “chuppa erusin osah”. I believe the sugya is on gimmel, its been a while.
apushatayid: Sorry, that won’t do. Unless you cite the speific Rishon (you even plural) and where, it won’t do nor will it add to the discussion at hand. Thank you
their minhag is that all parents & grandparents circle the kallah at the chuppah
I have seen it in Skver. Besides the Rebbe himself being a son in law, There are at least three of his children married to their Vishnitzer cousins. I never heard of this being an issue
well meaning~ my husband does as his father, a’h, did.
Now that my father a”h is gone (18 years already) the memory of him walking me down to the chupah is more precious than ever.
The Goq – “What is the reason we stand for the Kallah and not the Choson?”
There is no minhag to stand for the Chasson or the Kallah when they are escorted down the aisle unless you want to get a better view.
There are halachos to stand for the aged or a talmud chochem.
i thought we stand for the chassan and kalla because they are like a queen and king on the day of their chupa….
if anyone had told me that my mother in law was going to walk me down instead of my father, i would have been devastated. when it comes to my kids, i will do what they want.
cherrybim:
Correct, it is not a minhag to stand for a choson and kallah – it is a Halacha. One must stand for someone doing a mitzva. When people brought bikurim to Yerushalaim, they stood up for them.
When people brought bikurim to Yerushalaim, they stood up for them.
Why did they stand up for them? Maybe it was so as not to discourage them from making the long and difficult trip in the future? If so, that would be different than other mitzvos, which might not require standing up.
ZeesKite – “it is a Halacha. One must stand for someone doing a mitzva.”
If what you are saying is true, then the Rosh Yeshivas and Rabbonim would stand as well, and they don’t. There is no mitzva to stroll down an aisle. The mitzva is performed during the ceremony and the masader kiddushin explicitly excludes the audience from participation and that’s why they sit.
“Yes, but it’s not something that worth ruining a shidduch over. It’s not even worth the bad feelings that may arise.”
Wrong if yur family has a minhag that they kept for hundreds of years and the other side wont respet that then thats a sign. A family that doesnt resepct minhagim is not a good shidduch.
It seems to me many more people stand for the kallah than for the chasson just wondering why, isn’t it his wedding day too?
“it is a Halacha. One must stand for someone doing a mitzva.”
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.