Wannabe Shadchan Sounds-Off

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    Y.W. Editor

    Received via email:

    Dear Fellow Yidden,

    Alot has been spoken about over the years about the “shidduch crisis.” What are people doing to help older boys and girls of marriageable age? Do you know how painful it is for parents to see their children just get older….the phone rings less and less….all to no avail?

    I would like to bring a different aspect to “light”….(it’s that time of year) and get some reaction.

    I have tried many times to “red shidduchim” to older singles. Too many times, I don’t get a call back from the prospects, or worse….at times I am made to feel like they are doing me a favor by listening to my suggestion. Whatever happened to the simple mentschlichkeit of responding to the shadchan “thank you so much for thinking of me, but it’s not for me?” If you ignore the person who thought of you and tried to set you up, don’t you think that by not getting back to the shadchan, it’s a sure way of the shadchan losing interest in you?

    Now of course you will tell me “when I tell the shadchan that “it’s not for me” they try to convince me that it is! It’s better just not to call them back! I have two comments;

    1) Maybe the shadchan does have some insight into why he thinks it is for you, and it is worth discussing. (Maybe you heard wrong information about the other side.)

    2) If you really did your homework and feel that it is definitely not for you, hear the shadchan out and tell him “thank you for keeping me in mind, but it is not for me.”

    Too many times, I have said to myself “I’ve got enough of my own problems, I don’t need to add so and so to my list!” I know it’s not the right attitude, but hey……it’s really hard to partner with G-D….and after all is said and done….. Kosheh Zivugin K’Krias Yam Suf – I don’t know how to swim…..so if my idea was a bad one, I don’t want to drown!

    May everyone find their basherte and A Freilichen Chanukah to all!!

    A Concerned (wannabe) Shadchan

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