February 13, 2011 12:45 am at 12:45 am #594941
I have this desperate need/want in me to get married. For some reason it came upon me this shabbos and just won’t leave me. I’m almost crying because I want it so much!!!
Is this desperate feeling in me normal?February 13, 2011 1:59 am at 1:59 am #740758
According to what my rebbi told me when I asked him this same question, absolutely normal
. Find yourself a rebbitzen, knowledgeable competent friend, or the like and speak with them.
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 13, 2011 2:20 am at 2:20 am #740759maynishMember
ME TOO>>>> so maybe there should be a chat room where we can quickly speed date. and then take it from there>>>February 13, 2011 2:53 am at 2:53 am #740760
Why so glum? You’ll find your zivug soon enough. Try not to dwell on the fact that you’re single, rather on how you can improve things (not trying to criticize C”V, just thinkin’. I don’t even know you, so please don’t take it personal.) Maybe try doing some chessed, make new friends, broaden your horizons – don’t just sit there all by yourself. Try finding the good in the situation, make your life happy!! Listen to music, go out shopping etc. Enjoy your youth, as many of the posters recommended here;) Go have some fun!!! Life aint that bad. Challenging, yeah, but it’s worth living!!! Try finding some zechusim. Also, try getting your name out there- do something productive with your talents and try getting to know a lot of ppl.
May Hashem help you find your bashert REAL soon!!! I’ll have you in mind while I daven Bli Neder. Good Luck!!!February 13, 2011 3:03 am at 3:03 am #740761amichaiParticipant
happiest, try to keep busy, while going forward on meeting your bashert. we are waiting to hear good news from you.February 13, 2011 4:42 am at 4:42 am #740762essy8Member
when i was single and experiencing similar feelings a teacher told me that on motzai shabbos when we lose the neshama yesaira feelings of loss and being alone are felt, especially by singles who are not yet united with the “other half” of neshama.February 13, 2011 5:27 am at 5:27 am #740763Proud 2 BMember
Sure its norm!! It’s very important to keep yourself bz as much as possible, it’ll make things easier as you go on this journey!! Hatzalachah!February 13, 2011 5:51 am at 5:51 am #740764s2021Member
happiest- it is normall to want to be married, and sometimes it can be depressing, but u should be content with just being u, and u shouldnt really NEED a husband too badly.. maybe u should look into ur self (read books, talk to someone..) to understand why it is u have this NEED. sometimes it is not that simple and its very important that u understand urself BEFORE u date and marry.February 13, 2011 6:05 am at 6:05 am #740765
Essy8: hey that is a really interesting way of looking at things! I like it
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 13, 2011 6:08 am at 6:08 am #740766cshapiroMember
talk to Hashem…he is our father isnt he? he can give us anything cant he? life is full of tests, no one said itd be easy but when you have Hashem at your side life is beautiful and relaxing….Check out garden of emunah when you get a chance, if you want to join our hotline let me know, we learn every night at 9:30…but idk if the mods would allow me to post it….February 13, 2011 11:00 am at 11:00 am #740767PosterMember
Hashem implants a strong desire in every person to want to get married. If someone does NOT want to get married than there must be something wrong with them cuz its naturally implanted into every person.
happiest, just think, I AM NORMAL – its a normal feeling.February 13, 2011 12:43 pm at 12:43 pm #740768TheGoqParticipant
“Find yourself a rebbitzen”
where did the op state that she is female???February 13, 2011 1:14 pm at 1:14 pm #740769smartcookieMember
My single friend was once told-
Y’know how some girls get married at 20, divorced at 21 R”L, and single again until 25. Or those girls who marry young and are childless the first few yrs. Maybe Hashem is sparing you from such a Tzaroh.
In any case, Hashem should send your true Zivug IN THE RIGHT MOMENT, and may you live only happily and healthy!February 13, 2011 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #740770lightitupMember
CShapiro-I LOVE garden of Emunah! It is a great book, and so helpful and empowering to read…can change our lives!February 13, 2011 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #740771
I’m not glum and I’m not depressed that I’m not married. Crying doesn’t necessarily mean it’s because I’m upset. I just have this ache in me. I can’t explain the feeling but I feel like something is missing from me due to the fact that I’m not married. It’s not because most of my friends are married because I have a nice group of friends that aren’t and I’m not jealous of someone who is engaged. I just want my time to come already. I guess I’m getting impatient.
essy8- I like what you said about us losing the neshama yisaira on motzei shabbos. Maybe that’s where the feeling in me came from.February 13, 2011 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #740772cshapiroMember
of course it makes sense…ur longing for ur other half…iyh very soon!!!February 14, 2011 12:02 am at 12:02 am #740773fabieMember
What’s wrong with that. Just don’t rush, and be careful on making a positive decision.February 14, 2011 12:04 am at 12:04 am #740774
Happiest- I wasn’t trying to say you’re depressed- I’m sorry about that. I think I can understand what you feel like although I’m pretty young. I usually write when I feel this way. I enjoy writing poems, compositions or just plain what I feel like. I feel so unloaded afterwards!! If you don’t enjoy writing, take a Tehillim and pour out your heart to Hashem. There’s every situation you can possibly imagine in the Tehillim. Also talk to Hashem in plain English. Tell him what you feel like and how worried you are. He’s your Father and understands you best! Hatzlacha!!February 14, 2011 12:20 am at 12:20 am #740775i am hereMember
I know exactly how you feel, its normal.And it does not come from being jealous or anything of the sort. Its just a feeling one gets when they feel ready for marriage. The time comes when it right. and we just have to keep davening to hashem. And crying is just a feeling and a time for davening.February 14, 2011 9:28 am at 9:28 am #740776PosterMember
Many times there are external factors that give a person an intense feeling to want to get married.
1) friends are getting married and having babies
2) maried friends talk about their married life
3) You just had your married siblings over for shabbos andupon observing them you feel like you also want to be married
I didnt get married very young, the things listed above are true experiences that gave me an extra itch here and there.February 14, 2011 11:59 pm at 11:59 pm #740777
I decided that I am going to say a perek of tehillim everytime I start feeling that desperate feeling in me. So far it has helped me calm down, I hope it continues on that way.February 15, 2011 5:57 am at 5:57 am #740778smartcookieMember
Happiest- great idea. Tefillah always makes us feel better for some reason!
It’s a real gift!February 15, 2011 7:37 am at 7:37 am #740779hanibParticipant
that feeling is a good, normal, healthy feeling. as others said, it means that you recognize that you are missing your other half and are yearning to be whole. As you said, the best thing to do is to use that feeling to be close to Hashem, use that feeling to understand what it can mean for longing for mashiach to come so we can experience the closeness with Hashem, and use it to daven and to really imagine Hashem finding your bashert – the one that is right and perfect for you. And with your zivug, you will be able to fulfill your tachlis in this world.February 15, 2011 9:30 pm at 9:30 pm #740780brachosParticipant
I completely understand. Baruch Hashem I am now engaged, but toward the end of my being “in the parsha,” I was feeling very depressed. When you want to get married and it’s not happening, especially when you see friends getting married, it can be very hard. Your idea of saying tehillim is a good one. I also channeled my feelings into tefilla. If I started to feel sad, I would have a really heartfelt mincha, crying and all, and it would make me feel better – that I’m crying to Hashem and I know He hears me and really wants the best for me. I also tried to speak to Hashem a lot – out loud, when alone – to feel that I was connecting to my Father who will help me. It really helped me get through that period, and I hope it helps you, too. Iy”H you’ll find your bashert in the right time with Hashem’s help.February 15, 2011 10:21 pm at 10:21 pm #740781dunnoMember
Mazel tov!February 15, 2011 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #740782
I know this is gonna sound really weird, but, I’ve got this feeling too. I know I’m still young and I’ve got some time until I actually get engaged, but, I already have a yearning to get married. (Although I’m pretty anxious that he be the right one.) I davened with great kavana today, and I felt very relieved. May we all find our bashert in the right time.February 15, 2011 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm #740783
binayiseira- I feel much more reassured right now. Thanks!
brachos- mazel tov! You should build a bayis neeman byisrael!!!
I’m davening everyday!!! I hope I’m answered ltova soon!!!February 15, 2011 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #740784aries2756Participant
Most women have a “need” to be married and to have children. It is an inner yearning and today’s society which looks at you and puts a “time” frame on what has to be done when doesn’t help any. If everyone had their own crystal ball and could possibly know that everything will be fine and they will be married at a certain stage in their life and they will have children b”h at a certain time in their life, they could relax and enjoy each day as it comes. But our society puts so much pressure on young people that when they say “Modeh Ani” each morning they cannot even have the true kavonah for that.
Hashem has a plan for all of us, we need to forget about the yentas around us and work on our own individual emunah and bitachon. Keep your eye on the prize and don’t let anyone get in your way.February 16, 2011 3:07 am at 3:07 am #740785
Goq: in this thread? Nowhere.
Though I am a boy (whether that makes a difference or not I am not sure but just in case it does …), I feel I can get a lot from this thread. Thanx
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 16, 2011 3:30 am at 3:30 am #740786OfcourseMember
aries, “today’s society which looks at you and puts a “time” frame on what has to be done when doesn’t help any”.
Agreed, and HOW!!!
When girls in the frum community get to their mid twenties or thirty, theyre lucky if they’re not suffering from depression, to some degree, or thinking about slowly going off the Derech, worst case scenario, or becoming much less frum, at best ( quietly thinking if there was a G-d, He’d know how alone and ashamed I feel…). Constantly going to friends weddings, brises, kiddushes, one after another, with old friends talking about their husbands and babies…..
“Keep your eye on the prize…” is easier said than done.
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