January 21, 2013 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #607882boredsoulsParticipant
I work in a place that has both jews and non jews working there. I’m iy’h getting married next month and need to send out invitations, I want to sent out to the whole staff but my chosson isn’t so pro that i work together with non jews what shuld i do?
p.s. a few of them r black and my husband has a phobia of blacks ever since he was beat up by one in 9th grade on his way home from yeshivahJanuary 21, 2013 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #922088agoodbygirlParticipant
I hope you dont mean that you are planning on having mixed dancing at your wedding. Of course your husband is upset. Besides for the fact that its inapropriate for you to be working as a single girl with non Jewish people (especially men), why would he want them at your wedding too?? The fact that your husband has a phobia of blacks is a separate issue. But knowing this, you should be especially sensitive to this issue. Now that you are getting married its a time to reflect on what is an appropriate work environment for a proper bas yisroel.
Wishing you all the best on your marriage!January 21, 2013 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #922089WolfishMusingsParticipant
Whichever way you go, don’t just invite the non-black co-workers while excluding the black ones.
The WolfJanuary 21, 2013 9:40 pm at 9:40 pm #922090popa_bar_abbaParticipant
In non-frum circles, it isn’t expected that people make large weddings with all of their friends. They don’t need to know.
I’d say, don’t invite any of them.January 21, 2013 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #922091hardatworkMember
Thats a major question-why you are working there to begin with is a question. I think you should invite them all and let them experience the true beauty of a yiddisha chasunah. Give them their own table on the side and have someone there to explain what to do. Ex: for dancing, men here and women here… If your chossen/husband is so opposed…too bad he will just have to give in. Remember, it’s the binah yesairah in a marriage that makes it work. Mazel tov!January 21, 2013 10:01 pm at 10:01 pm #922092popa_bar_abbaParticipant
If your chossen/husband is so opposed…too bad he will just have to give in. Remember, it’s the binah yesairah in a marriage that makes it work.
Oh my. I assume by “making it work”, you mean “getting divorced”.January 21, 2013 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #922093truthsharerMember
If he doesn’t want you to work there, is he working himself so you don’t have to or is he finding you somewhere else?
To all the people who say that “you shouldn’t work there,” I say too, bad. It’s probably a blessing that you have a job. I’d be willing to take a job at a garbage dump if they had one available. Jobs are at a premium and people should just stop judging.
If you have co-workers, you have to invite them to the wedding. You certainly don’t want to come back to work and have them all hate you.January 21, 2013 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #922094playtimeMember
According to BussinessWire 2011 Wedding Statistics, the average number of wedding guests is 141. The average Jewish wedding is more than double that. The caveat is that the frum family is about 3 1/2 times the the non-jewish family. This means that the Family/Aquantence ratio is considerably smaller among Non-Jews.
If this convinces you to invite them, it shouldn’t.
Phobia aside, your husband is right.
Tell your business aquantinces fleetingly that it is a religious ceremony, and make no fuss about it.
Bring cakes to your office afterwards from the wedding.
Instead of spending $20 dollars on dining them, buy a 20 cake for each one. This should impress them enough to make up for there non-invite.
If you think this isn’t good enough, and that it can jeapordize your work atmosphere and parnassa, consult with a Rav, and refer back to you husband.January 21, 2013 10:55 pm at 10:55 pm #922095Torah613TorahParticipant
Don’t invite everyone. They don’t need to know anything about your personal life.January 22, 2013 6:40 am at 6:40 am #922097ThePurpleOneMember
i dont think u shudnt tell them ur getting married cuz theyll fig it out when u take days off and come in wearing a shaitel;) i do nott think a frum wedding is the place for ur non jewish coworkers so why x u make a special work event 4 them in honor of ur wedding.. for ex order in carlos and gabbys 4 e/o and put up huge signs abt the occasion!! im serious!! ur hubbyll be happier too… and its cheaper than paying for seats at ur wedding too!!January 22, 2013 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #922098JustHavingFunParticipant
Why do you want to invite entire staff? Are you close with all? Is it a small place? Do you socialize with them? Are there frum coworkers you are inviting and fear how it will look if you exclude the non-Jews?
About the blacks: Do you realize that you are trivializing your chosson’s feelings even before you are married? The issue shouldn’t be whether or not you work with non-Jews, but how you relate to each other! You both need some counseling or you’ll be wondering soon enough who to invite to your next wedding… plus looking for someone to babysit your kids. Tsk tsk tsk.January 22, 2013 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #922099January 22, 2013 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm #922100haifagirlParticipant
Invite either all or none.January 22, 2013 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #922101oomisParticipant
This is a sticky wicket, as they say. You can always say you are making just a very small religious ceremony with family. But the truth is you don’t have to invite anyone from the office (maybe the boss), especially if they are all non-Jews you can bring in a nice buffet for breakfast when you return to work, add in some fancy cakes or desserts, for the office to share and they will probably be happy not to have to shell out for a big wedding present. It will be fine, IMO, as long as no one is singled out.January 22, 2013 8:57 pm at 8:57 pm #922102N.GMember
Invite all or don’t invite any (Included the Jews you work with don’t invite)January 22, 2013 9:25 pm at 9:25 pm #922103walton157Member
@boredsouls: HAHAHAH!!! I have to laugh. Your husband was mugged by individuals who happen to be black and he’s afraid of ALL black people. I’m guessing that your black coworkers are NOT the individuals who mugged him…so what do they have to do with your husband being mugged.
The fact that you work in the “outside” world means that you are mature enough to make the right decision. If any of your co-workers whether black, white, hispanic, etc. is a supervisor/manager/boss POLITICALLY you SHOULD invite them.
I’m getting married G-d willing in February and can’t invite the whole office. I work with both Jews and non-Jews. I hung up our invitation where EVERYONE can see it. All are invited to the Kabalat Panim and Chuppah. They will get the hint that they are NOT invited to the sit down meal when they DO NOT see a place card with their names on it.
Just remember NOT to cause a Chillul Hashem.
If your Chattan doesn’t like you working in a company with folks outside the tribe then perhaps he can get another job.January 22, 2013 9:26 pm at 9:26 pm #922104
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