what advice do u wish you’d have received when you were younger?

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  • #2118225
    Participant
    Participant

    what advice do u wish you’d have received when you were younger, age 12/13 whereabouts?
    The older you are, the more value your answer has.

    #2118261
    yrots
    Participant

    1) be pleasant, fair, and nice to people.
    2) strive to become excellent in something
    3) get to know people who have succeeded in different areas. They won’t necessarily give you anything but you will learn from them
    4) expect to work harder than you thought possible if you strive to accomplish anything great

    #2118283
    moishekapoieh
    Participant

    not to be taken in by demagogues like trump

    #2118302
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    Never to take an internet troll seriously

    #2118311
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    I wish someone would have told me not to be satisfied with people calling you a masmid, that people are nispa’el very easily and that in an effort to be supportive, sometimes a person can fall into complacency.

    #2118335
    yuda the maccabi
    Participant

    that every Jew can learn Gemara and after you get the hang of it, it becomes easy and enjoyable

    #2118341
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    Gemara is not easy. Not for me, not for gedolei yisroel. It’s very, very enjoyable, but if you’re learning it beyond literal translation, it requires deep thinking and all of your energy to get pashut pshat on a meaningful level.

    #2118345
    Sam Klein
    Participant

    Stop depending on human beings and depend directly on Hashem for help in every situation from physical issues to spiritual issues etc…. Cause Hashem runs the entire world and is in charge of everything and also knows what is the best for every person in the situation they are currently standing in.

    If I would’ve known this when I was younger my entire life would’ve been a much happier life knowing Hashem is watching over me and only giving me what is for my good and benefit and there’s absolutely no need at all to turn to or depend on any physical person for help as we say at the end end of bentching vdorshei Hashem….. For one who seeks out and turns directly to Hashem for help in any and all his situations lacks nothing that is good.

    Example: only a foolish beggar in need of $1000 would go to a simple crowd and collect $1 each from 1000 people when he can really seek out a charity donor that loves to help anyone in need with love for his complete $1000 that he needs which is a small amount of being a rich multi millionaire donor….. Hashem can help anyone out at anytime with anything a person needs and the person just needs to call out to his beloved father and king Hashem WHOLEHEARTEDLY for help (rather it’s for a livelihood or a healing recovery or a shidduch etc….) And Hashem is ready to answer those who beg and call out for help wholeheartedly.

    When we all start calling out with begging wholeheartedly for Mashiach together with serious Teshuva and Achdus I’m sure Hashem would never turn down his loving children klal yisroel unanswered. May it be very soon bkarov

    #2118366
    huju
    Participant

    Marry for money.

    #2118529
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    The Beis Elokim says that Meshiach is not coming because the majority has to ask for it. Marry for money usually does not work as the parties are not compatible.

    #2118522
    Bath Tavath
    Participant

    @huju
    you’re right. money is what lasts long term(usually), not much else.
    Beauty, Middos and all that other stuff changes

    I would answer the Q like this:
    start making money young (as a skill or business) and invest young.

    #2118533
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    “What advice do u wish you’d have received when you were younger”

    Don’t grow older….its not nearly as great as its made out to be.

    #2118654
    smerel
    Participant

    To answer indirectly the advice I wish I would received if shared here would probably be harmful to most of those reading it .

    You have to live your own life and not base things on what is true for others. But that is such a vague statement that it should be of little help to anyone

    #2118665
    maskildoresh
    Participant

    Expectations are the mother of disappointment

    #2118673
    DontMindMe
    Participant

    I didn’t have a lack of advice; it was the lack of willingness to follow it.

    #2118714
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Lay off the coffee, you could get addicted to it

    I would have saved myself a lot of headaches (due to caffeine withdrawal) 😜

    #2119043
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @Huju
    My father always told us:
    It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor one.

    I told my children opposites may attract but make for a terrible life. Pick a spouse from the same socio-economic and educational background/level. It makes for a much better relationship.

    Lastly and most importantly:
    Question everything. Blind faith and obedience is what brought us the millions who did Hitler’s bidding

    #2119054
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    CTL; looks like an example of daas baalei batim being hepech daas Torah.

    Daas baaleibatim – marry the same socio-economic class
    Chazal – nacheis darga venisiv it’sa

    Daas baaleibatim – don’t have blind faith and question everything
    Chazal – one who asks “what was before”, or other willful questioning of Hashem and Torah…well, i won’t say what the gemara and rishonim say about such things.

    #2119114
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    And just when were Jewish people ever led by blind faith to commit atrocities? The Germans are zera amalek; they willfully accepted nazism and Jew hatred, not blindly, not unquestionably; they were simply evil. You’re not going to prevent a Holocaust by discouraging blind faith among…. victims? It’s not logical

    #2119134

    Avira > Daas baaleibatim – marry the same socio-economic class

    This is a generic advice I heard from several Rabonim from different nusachim. As one of them put it: men and women are different enough by itself, don’t need other problems.

    I am not sure I 100% agree with that, but would not call this balabatish. Where I do differ is that maybe middos and types of thinking are more important than nusach, money, or ivy status.

    #2119183
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    Chazal are saying there’s an advantage for a man to marry a wan from a less well-to-do background. She will be more appreciative, and she will have more respect for her husband.

    #2119188
    OrangeCountyChapper
    Participant

    AAQ, I agree that like-mindedness is more important than nusach, money, or ivy status. It’s often the families that accentuate the differences and amplify the friction. My children married into different “statuses” and I respect them all.

    As for the advice I wish I’d gotten, I got it instead from a short story I read in Hebrew Language class called “Same’ach B’chelko”, to be satisfied with what I have. So as far as material things go, I’ve always been content!

    #2119279
    5781
    Participant

    dont vape

    #2119299

    Avira > for a man to marry a wan from a less well-to-do background.

    oi vei. To the intended point: girls would exchange dresses by Tu B’Av, but to a degree – king’s daughter with Kohen Gadol’s … same here – “less well to do” … So, a guy with 10 shoe stores should marry someone with 2 shoe stores.

    Now, you can ask – if every man marries “less well to do”, what is gonna happen with smartest/richest girls and poorest boys?! A possible answer is – this advise is addressed to the top layer of Talmidei Chachamim (who learn this Gemora). Now, it is a biological fact that male species have more variability than female. Ie. there are more super-smart men and super-stupid men, super-angry and super-calm … [you may find this observation to explain a lot of things in life …] So, the top level of T’Ch need to go a little lower, but a below-average men will probably get wives that are smarter than them. May be a punishment to both.

    #2119300

    Orange > agree that like-mindedness is more important than nusach, money, or ivy status

    but how does one find this out in “shiduch resume”, or does this approach requires a different search model? If I may compare this to an academic job search. When in grad school, I saw a position that matched my research interest. I got no response. A year later, I am eating lunch with a Jewish professor from that department and we are doing a good hevrusa on that research topic. So, I ask him – were you on the search committee? He says – yes. So, I ask – why did you then reject me? He says – I never saw your resume, secretary rejected it because you are not from an Ivy. I am so thankful to this guy for the useful information that steered me in a better direction.

    #2119456
    jackk
    Participant

    The post is about advice to a 12/13 year old, but the truth is as Rav Miller zatsal said regarding Abaye in Shabbos that every mishna, halacha , nach etc the earlier you learn it- even if you are already an old man – the better off you are.
    The Gemara relates that the Sages said this halakha before Abaye in the name of Rabbi Yirmeya and he did not accept it.
    However, subsequently, when Ravin came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, the Sages said this halakha before Abaye in the name of Rabbi Yoḥanan, and he accepted it. Then Abaye said regretfully: Had I merited, I would have learned this halakha from the outset. The Gemara wonders: Didn’t he ultimately learn it and accept it? What difference does it make from whom and at what point he learned it? The Gemara answers: The practical difference is with regard to knowledge acquired in one’s youth, which is better remembered.
    If Abaye was on the level to not accept a halacha , it is obvious that he was already a mature leading Amora of the generation. And still the Girsa Dyankisa is advantageous.

    #2119519
    OrangeCountyChapper
    Participant

    AAQ > Far be it from me to argue with Chazal. While I think there’s merit to the logic that someone’s economic status can be a factor in compatibility, “character” is much more important. I know my wife, who comes from a family with higher economic status, appreciates and respects me more than someone else I could have been married to, with a lower status. “Same’ach B’chelko” is a large part of this as well as general Derech Eretz.

    So not surprisingly, I have great contempt for the “Shidduch Resume”. Sure, I would counsel someone to look at a potential spouse’s location and education level but not much else. If I think there’s a POTENTIAL for like-mindedness, then I would want to meet the “candidate” and then the candidate’s family multiple times before making a decision. I really don’t think the Shidduch Resume would make that process more efficient. A Shidduch Resume would never reveal potential red flags which may be more critical than “Yichus”, so why bother.

    #2119559

    jackk, beautiful vort. Made me think – to what degree this holds. Remembering halakha is less critical our days when you can look it up (does not mean that you should not keep things in your head, but not to the degree of being upset at learning something later in life). Understanding becomes more important. I think in our days, many have the opposite problem: “learning” many things as a kid so well that he does not review it again from a more mature standpoint

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