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Middos are something that everybody has to work on. What are some tips? Bein Adam Lichaveiro?
אין אדם רואה את נגעי עצמו a person does not see his/her own faults. כל הפוםל במומו פוסל whoever finds faults, finds his own faults. אדם קרוב אצל עצמו a person is closest to himself.
שךך אי אתה רואה אבל אץה רואה של אחרים ושל גבוה you don’t see your own faults, but see the faults of others and specially the faults of the holy.
בשמים ממעל ועל הארץ מתחת The Klei Yokor interprets, when is comes to heavenlly (spiritual) things, look at people above you, but wheh it comes to earthly (material) things, look at peiple below you. The Chasan Sofer explains, look at the letter nun, it is narrow above, not being satisfied spiritually, but wide below, being satisfied materially.
try not to react right away to situations. pause and think what is the best and the right way to react and respond to the situation or to what someone had told you.
also try to figure out why you react or behave in a certain way. get to the source of the negative midaThere is no such thing as a negative midah. Every midah has its pllace. It matters under what instance you use it. Hate in the wrong situation is wrong and so is love. Sometimes showing anger is justified. Jealousy for Torah knowledge is good. So you must train yourself to use midahs appropriate to the situatuon. That is why you should pause before applying a midah to determine if it is applicable.
A persons actions are the fruit of his thoughts which are the fruit of his outlook. The only real way to CHANGE your middos is through learning the right way to act and the severity of these matters “torah meivi’ah…”
However before we reach the stage of actual change there are some tips for control. By far the best thing to accustom oneself is, do not act when under intense motivation, anger, lust, or whatever. At that time train yourself to be calm, acting while under the influence, when your emotions are inflamed is a recipe for failure.The Baal Shem Tov taught that a person is like a mirror. When you see a dirty face in the mirror it’s a reflection of your own dirty face. So too if you see someone else as a bad person because of a certain fault they have that’s Hashem’s way of notifying you that you have that same fault, just maybe on a lesser scale. Self love covers personal flaws so this is how Hashem shows you what you have to work on.
CS, כפנים אל פנים כן לב האדם אל אדם like the reflection of one’s face in the water is the heart of the person to the other. If you smile at him, he wil smile back at you. You also must look down to see yourself.
So what I am saying is that our behavior towards others is like a mirror image.
The Sefer Hachinuch 243. מצוה לאהוב כל אחד מישראל says כי כמו שיעשה הוא בחבירו כן יעשה חבירו בו the way he acts in regard to his friend will his friend act towards him.
ותקע כף ירך יעקב says the Shlah Hakodash the word kaf is not so good because it has a kaf kemutze, clenched fist and a peh peshuta, open mouth. We switch כף to פך having a peh kemutza, ckosed mouth and an kaf peshuta, an open hand. According to this, could be, שלום רב לאוהבי תורתך ואין בהם מכשול, מכשול is the same as שלום with a ‘כ’ in it which is not good.
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