what do parents ask when….

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    if one is meeting the parents of a potential shiddiuch( a girl)…prior to any dates, what kind of question does the boy get asked at such meeting?


    probably about future plans and stuff…what about a couple thats dating, when should the girls parents meet the boy or vis versa?


    Nothing important. The parents with their life experiences and maturity try to get a feel of the boy through mundane conversation. SOmetimes from these meetings the parents will feel that this is not for their daughter, and then spare the date


    How your son plans on making a living


    How about:

    * Did you have an easy time finding a parking spot?

    * Was traffic heavy coming in from <insert relevant locale>?

    * Where are you planning to go toninte? (and look pleased / impressed, regardless of the answer)

    The answers to the serious questions (future plans, family demographics, ect) should all be known before the boy walks thru the door.



    my FIL did that and I appreciated it. It was a first date they did their research and then it was time for my wife and I to do the rest.


    ??? ?? ???? ??? ?? ??? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ?? ?? ?????? ?????? ??????

    Kesubos 102b


    Only important things:

    Which daf are you on?

    What did your rebbi say at the last shiur?

    Do you write down your own chiddushim?

    If any of the above answers are unsatisfactory:

    And you want how much from me for support?????


    BP Totty, I had a good laugh. So true!

    Or, How many guys in your Yeshiva?


    OK, Artchill, since you broke the ice, I do have one more question that the parents should ask the boy:

    If you were an animal, which one would you be?

    (only answer I would accept: a vilda chaya!


    How common is it for a father to farher a guy? And by what number date is it done if at all?


    dunno, I say not common, pple joke about it far more than it actually exists. (As with many other things such as Mother in laws, husbands and wife jokes etc….)



    If/when the shadchan bamboozels the family with the “Best Boy” nonsense and then demands 100K yearly for the honor of being mishadech.

    Turn the table on the chazer and see if the investment is worth it. Would you pay for a lifelong kollel guy if the bochur can’t pass a farher????



    I have a terrific example of one such story:

    One shadchan said the boy expects 100K per year for life in kollel. The first year’s money be deposited into the girl’s account before the first date.


    artchill —

    Never heard of asking for 100K before the first DATE,

    but have heard of 50K before the CHASUNA.

    Personally, my answer would be “See Ya, hatzlacha, have a nice life…” Even if I had that kind of $$$, the idea of that level of ego, of chutzpah, would immediately tell me this person is NOT for my daughter, not what I want to be the father of my grandchildren!

    MY question is…

    How many “kollel couples” are really willing to live with the misiras nefesh to REALLY BE a kollel couple???

    I knew REAL kollel families in Yerushalayim that shared 1/2 a chicken for Shabbas (and chicken was ONLY for Shabbas!), dressed in clothes from gemachs, with furniture from gemachs, etc., etc., etc. AND – they were OK with living that way because they were fully prepared to be mosair nefesh to have the full-time learning life.

    Here, most “kollel couples” want to live the life style of working couples, on the cheshbon of parents. Parents who are getting older and would like to work LESS, but have to work MORE, because otherwise they are looked down at, as people who are not “machsheev Torah”.

    OK, I’m going to stop here because I feel my blood pressure rising…


    A future father-in-law asks the boy what he plans on doing. The boy says he will be sitting and learning. What about Parnasah asks the girls father. Hashem will help, says the boy. The future mother-in-law asks her husband, “How did it go”? Her husband says “pretty good, he showed me alot of respect and even thinks that I’m G-d.”


    my father ALWAYS fahers the bochurim……

    mom of a few

    Most people just talk about mundane things to get a feel of the personality…



    I agree with you 100%. The lifestyle that kollel couples live these days is getting way out of hand. I’m not talking about all kollel couples, but I would say a nice percentage.

    It is not fair for those who are really being moser to learn in kollel. How do you think they feel when their kids come home from school saying that they want this designer thing and that… why?? because their friends have it. This is what their kids see all around them and it’s sickening!! This is not what living a kollel lifestyle is all about!


    Everything is going to depend on who the girl’s father is and what kind of personality he has. Some are going to try and make the young man comfortable by just small talk about “did you have a difficult time finding the house” or “how was the traffic coming over” or even “would you like something to drink?” and some will do the farheir thing which I believe is pointless unless the daughter feels there is something to delve into.

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