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At the behest of BP Totty, I open this discussion on how to make, maintain, and continue a friendship. Please share your ideas, experiences, and criticisms on how one can initiate new friendships and maintain existing friendships. What constitutes a true friend and what friends do for each other.
1. giving. whatever your friend needs.
Help them with Shiduchim, referrals, resources, babysitting when they go away etc.
2. spending quality time together
I feel that maintaining friendships is even more challenging than initiating new ones. When poeple move on with their lives, life becomes very hectic. If your close friend moves overseas and there a huge time difference, it’s up to both of you to keep it up. However, often one party is better at keeping up and instead of feeling, “Why am I always going after her?” try judging favorably. It’s such a chaval when friendshps dissapate.If there isn’t investment on both ends, it’s sure to slip. The minute you think you have a relationship in yuor pocket, it disappears.
Thanks, Bed-Stuy.
This one takes some thinking, so let me tackle it during lunch.
OK, now that lunch is done, let’s see what I came up with:
Making a true friend is very similar to defining a true friend. Once you’ve defined one, you can see how many you have, and go about getting new ones (you can never have too many friends)
I’ve always thought of three ways to measure a true friend, but a new one just came to mind, from an article I read by Rabbi Twersky.
1) A true friend is the one you call when you’re stranded on the highway at 2:00am and you know that he (or she, depending on who you are) will be ready to help or come get you, if that’s what it takes. You don’t have to wonder if you’re asking too much; you just know who to call, and help is there for you. It might be all you need is a sypathetic ear, but when you need someone, that’s who you call.
2) A true friend is one that you ask, “what’s wrong” before they ask for help. You don’t need to be asked; you can tell from their face / voice that they need to unload, and you telling them that you’re there for them is a sign of a true friend
3) A true friend is the one that, while / after getting help from them, you walk away with the feeling that YOU did THEM a favor (and not the other way around)
4) A true friend is someone who does not mislead you into thinking that you’ve acheived all you can, and thereby stunt your true potential. A true friend is supportive of your goals and aspirations, and helps you get to where you want to go. Be it ruchnius, gashmius, carrear, whatever. A real friend helps you go higher, and is happy for you when you reach your goals.
(This is from Rabbi Twersky’s article)
And if this sounds like a reciepe for a good spouse, its because all of the above is true of that arena as well. (just that you’re of opposite gender)
A special quality of a friend is someone who caers about all the details in your life. They will remeber what you tell them and ask you about it later..
Hallmark material!:)Nice POSITIVE thread.
shared interests and backgrounds help start a friendship. sharing, caring, giving, listening, helping and supporting one another is what strengthens the friendship
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