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Sorry..Sorry….ANOTHER divorce topic.. i sincerely apologize to all the ppl sitting and sweating in there seats right now..BUT- When i hear about divorce,the image that comes to my mind is someone being freed from life imprisonment- at a baaad prison. And i know.. the mizbeach cries.. it CRIES!!!!.. But lets say- theres no children, or no children suffering rl’.. Why is divorce such a terrible thing in Judaism? Why duz the Mizbeach cry?? Ok, i know many times the prison wasnt really a prison and ppl just run cuz they didnt like the decor- but otherwise- Why? Could it be that “D” is such a big bad word because we are afraid if it wasnt, our marriages wouldnt be as strong? I know many ppl r more Chashuv than me and have greater life experience and understanding-and feel very strongly about this topic, so please, explain..? Thanks!
It destroys a family. If it is done unnecessarily, as frequently it is, that is the ill of our society.
s2021: Hello. On other threads you’ve mentioned that you are unfortunately divorced. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out for you. May you merit much happiness in the future.
I feel very uncomfortable attacking divorces, on your thread, when it may cause you pain.
It cries for all of the circumstances which led them from being a happy couple to reaching the situation they are in now. The fact that what started with great celebration is now seen as a prison is certainly something to cry for, even when divorce is the proper decision.
My understanding is that since a proper Jewish home is a place for the Shechinah to dwell, as is the Bais Hamikdash, the mizbaiach cries when that potential for “hashroas haShechinah” is destroyed.
This does not mean that there aren’t individual cases where divorce is unfortunately necessary.
However, it is really not a worthwhile root for those who have not divorced. Almost all regret the divorce.
The notion that divorce is simply a “d-word” is, with all due respect, nonsense.
First, I would not make light of the mizbeach crying if one divorces his (first) wife, CH”V. That’s a serious statement.
Divorce has many ramifications and, for that reason alone, it should not be utilized unless it is truly necessary to do so, as opposed to anything less than necessary, including specifically *childish* divorces.
It is oftentimes also a tragedy because it is often avoidable given proper communication and proper mindsets before any nastiness starts. So it is, sometimes, a tragedy that did not have to happen if the players were both up to speed. Aseh licha Rav (uknei licha chaveir), and marital therapy as appropriate, would probably be extremely useful in nipping in the bud any potential trouble before it becomes a real issue.
Again, in cases of abuse or even for less serious issues, it would seem obvious that this is why Hashem, in His infinite wisdom gave us the framework for instantly ending a marriage in a halachic fashion. But this is not a decision to take lightly.
And the fear of divorce is not what will keep a marriage healthy. If that’s what’s keeping a marriage together then there are obviously underlying issues that must be worked through to keep the marriage truly healthy. But fear of it is obviously not the purpose of divorce nor the cause of lasting marriages.
The Mizbeach cries for the abusive spouse who has caused destruction to the relationship and destruction to the home. The essence of divorce is destruction so the mizbeach naturally cries. However, who is it a real pity on-the one who was abusive and had caused the destruction!
If you don’t understand why divorced is so devastating for a family, then it wouldn’t help to explain it.
You said you went through divorce yourself. How many people (yourself included) were in terrible anguish because of it?
Even then nicest divorce, that goes without fighting, is still so tragic.
It is not as bad as some make it out to be. There are Torah guidelines as to when it is proper and when not.
I would never have the guts to say this, but Rav Avigdor Miller says that there would not be a divorce if both sides have good middos.
(Obviously this is not talking about abusive relationships.)
LMA: more times than not, the divorce is needless, the blame goes all around, and it should have been avoided.
What is wrong with divorce again? I think one in cases of need one must divorce only once. No need to do it again.
mdd – With kids it’s for sure devastating. Even without, if it wasn’t so bad, how come these people have such a hard time getting remarried?
And the Torah guidelines hardly ever apply nowadays.
s2021, another one???????
S2021- I guess it’s not always the divorce itself that’s sad, but it’s the fact that a couple had to go through a divorce and split up for whaatver reason!
I totaly hear Rav Miller. I would say, if both sides had good midos, there would be great sholom bais.
Health, what does the difficulty in remarrying have to do with divorce in itself being bad?
its true that divorce may be freedom from a bad prison but the reason that it is viewed negatively is brecause one or both of the spouses had a serious problem that could not be compromised
mdd – Being married before affects you in the next marriage. The reason you have to get remarried is because you got divorced.
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