- This topic has 13 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 9 months ago by Ms. Critique who may always know the answers correctly.
July 29, 2011 4:21 am at 4:21 am #598297TheGoqParticipant
Dear mothers of the cr do u know what happens at shul on friday night, you think its a bonding experience for father and children and it should be, but very often this is what really happens.
Totty comes into Shul with children in tow he sees a friend and starts to chat, the children (assuming they are not very young) are left to look after themselves Davening starts which can be kinda boring for the youngsters so they look to amuse themselves how do they do that? sometimes they find a friend and play sometimes they try to amuse themselves, how u may ask? if they see a stranger in Shul they like to stare at them, Totty is probably a couple rows away or is deeply involved in davening.
As someone who has been stared at by kids many many many times i can tell you it is very annoying if you stare back they may stop for a second but resume not long after, when i went to shul with my father A”H we sat next to him and he kept us in check, one reason i bring this up is because it is now a safety issue what if chas veshalom they stare at the wrong person and irritate him the consequences can be quite dire, as we unfortunately recently learned not everyone who looks like a frum jew is necessarily a safe person for our children to interact with. Of course i speak of some fathers and not all but mothers you should know what goes on in shul.July 29, 2011 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #792207aries2756Participant
Unfortunately WE do know. It is time to address the issue with the fathers.July 29, 2011 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm #792208ZosHaTorahParticipant
If my boys do not sit right next to me, they do not come to shul. They do not have to daven (well, my younger ones), but they MUST be silent and show derek eretz.
And when I see others with unsupervised children, I find a soft but firm way to tell them that this in not OK.July 29, 2011 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #792209IUseBrainsParticipant
I wish I could have my own shul.July 29, 2011 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #792210mythoughtsParticipant
What makes “The Goq” so special that children stare at you? Its never happened to me.July 29, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #792211TheGoqParticipant
it may be a different mode of dress(lack of a black hat), it may be someone my age who is not wearing a tallis, who knows?July 29, 2011 5:13 pm at 5:13 pm #792212
Some shuls have a “jr congregation” so the kids can daven in their own supervised minyans…there are also play groups for the real young ones…again fully supervised…maybe more shuls need to implement this…as for the staring, they should be taught not too…July 29, 2011 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #792213mythoughtsParticipant
I hear you and can see how uncomfortable it must feel. I wrote that it never happened to me but it has actually happened to me when I was a child. When I went to my cousin’s simchas the children would stare me or ask me if I was a goy. My payos wasn’t as long as theirs and it seemed to bother them. People need to teach their children manners.July 29, 2011 5:40 pm at 5:40 pm #792214smartcookieMember
Thank you Goq. I, as a mother try to keep my boys home because I don’t feel they are safe in shul while my husband is Davening.
They’re still young, so I’m trying to get away with it as long as I can. I don’t know what I will do once they do start going!July 29, 2011 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #792215July 30, 2011 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #792216skiaddictMember
yeah well that happens the other way round also i can tell you!July 31, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #792217mamashtakahMember
they looked at my family like we came from a different planet…
We went to Boro Park once to do some shopping, and parked on one of the side streets. When we returned, the kids who lived in the house were sitting on the steps, and were staring at us as if we had two heads. It really annoyed my wife, so she said, “What’s the matter? You’ve never seen anyone from Baltimore before?” Of course, they kept right on staring. It is terribly rude.July 31, 2011 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #792219DovidMMember
A similar thing happens on Yom Kippur. Kids are there for the whole service. No one has planned ahead to make some kind of arrangements for them such as to take them out for a walk or have set up a room where they can take a nap. Inevitably, they make a nuisance of themselves.
As far as kids thinking that you are a goy, I have heard kids ask this because the person was taller than their Tatie, or because they had red hair or black hair. Their measuring stick for all things Jewish is their own home, so if their Tatie is 5’5” and blue-eyed, then those who aren’t don’t fit the mold. The parents are at fault if they observe this, and make no effort to explain that frum yidden don’t all sound or look alike.August 1, 2011 1:12 am at 1:12 am #792220
In my opinion there are people who just are very unmotivated and stare out if boredom. When i feel someone staring at me i ask them if they need some help maybe.
About children being on their own in shul,yes,this must be addressed by each shul individually.
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