what happens when a shadchan doesnt cooperate properly?

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  • #601059
    Broker
    Participant

    I recently had a dilema and I would really appreciate as much input as possible.

    I send a shadchan after a girl I was interested in for my nephew.

    She keeps on saying she will speak to them but apparantly is very dodgey.

    She calls up every now and then to propose another girl, and when I ask her if she ever contacted the family I had requested about, she becomes evaisive.

    Do you think she might know something about the girl or family that she does not want to disclose? Please share your comments!

    #834068
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    This sounds bizarre.

    I would advise your nephew to call her up and tell her he is getting a different shadchan to arrange it. Then, he should ask her outright if she knows anything she thinks he should know. He should tell her it is his decision, and he is going forward unless she gives him the information and he decides not to.

    The monkey in the wrench here, though, is why you are so involved on behalf of your nephew. Something seems odd.

    My brother was once looking into a shidduch, and my aunt told him not to. Then, she refused to tell him why, and insisted he not go out with that girl. My brother said, “it is my decision, I cannot let you make it for me.” So she told him. And he didn’t go out with her.

    #834069
    Broker
    Participant

    Popa,

    I am involved with my nephew because his mother is unwell and I am sorta taking over with re-to shidduchim.

    But thats not the prob, its known to shadchonim and they contact me!

    As far as getting a different shadchan to arrange it, thats a non issue. First I am curious to know whats holding her back, and wondering if I should just throw the towel in and conclude that it is not bashert!

    #834070
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Well, I wouldn’t conclude it isn’t bashert on account of some shadchans opinion.

    #834071
    happiest
    Member

    Broker- I would not “throw the towel in”. For all you know SHE thinks that it isn’t a good shidduch but many times it happens when one shadchan thinks that the guy and girl are totally not compatible and another shadchan thinks of the shidduch and voila- 3 months later they’re engaged. I advise you to forget about this shadchan regarding this particular shadchan and if the girl and family are really intriguing to you then ask another shadchan to redt the shidduch.

    #834072
    SaysMe
    Member

    She may know her hilchos loshon hora and not be allowed to say anything, or she may just not see the compatibility, or she may not like to take others suggestions… don’t read into it too much

    #834073
    Half
    Member

    don’t let her rule you around like that. It sounds like you are being manipulated by some sort of cult of hers.

    this is REALLY getting me fired over here. WHO does this shadchan think she is to give you such bad service, and to give you a hard time like that, shidduchim are hard enough! Trust me you don’t need to find out this shadchan’s cheshbonos, she’s an outright arrogant idiot that thinks she rules the world! Use someone else that knows how to communicate without being stuckup! theres plenty of them out there, don’t waste your time on nonsense!!-I had to get that rave off my chest, now I can breath again..lol!

    prehaps she’s got alterier motives for the girl that you are interested in.. prehaps she’s got some close male relative she’d like to set her up with.. Sounds like an extremely absurd situation!!

    #834074
    rc
    Participant

    for all you know, the shadchan wants that girl for her nephew!!!

    #834076
    golden mom
    Member

    y do u need a shadchin ret it ur self

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