September 22, 2011 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #812231
i think one of the meanest things that I did recently was while on a date I met someone that i know. she saw me but didnt wanna embarrass me so she just turned away. i stopped and said “Hi *****! How are you?” she was so embarrassed you have no clue!September 23, 2011 3:02 am at 3:02 am #812232brotherofursParticipant
Smick- seems like we have 2 liars in here, not just PBA…
at least a lot of years later i confessed to my mother b”H 🙂September 23, 2011 3:29 am at 3:29 am #812233
I can’t believe how many people actually posted stories here. One would think this was a competition for an “Al Cheit” campaign.
We open threads and speak seriously about how we are different from the goyim and what is appropriate on such a Yeshivish website, then open threads like “what is your most embarrassing moment?”, “what is the meanest thing you ever did” and so many of you actually respond to these posters. And this is happening in chodesh Elul when this is like the lowest type of discussion one should be having. Come on folks grow up!September 23, 2011 4:12 am at 4:12 am #812234mommamia22Participant
Think for a minute, why do you think people would tell so called “strangers” the meanest things they’ve ever done??
I can see anger or indignation if it’s used to brag about being nasty, but, in more than one case that’s not what happened. Some people used this thread as an opportunity to bare their secrets of interactions they’ve had with others that they regret. The funny thing is that because of this thread I recalled events that occurred that I long put out of my mind. It can actually give one the chance to consider their past deeds (that they may have forgotten) and resolve to do/act better or make amends. So, although it might be true that for some this is a way of laughing at meanness, to others it might be something else. I also, frankly, don’t see the harm finding humor in the escapades of youth, though surely by adulthood these kinds of practical jokes should be long behind a person.September 23, 2011 4:14 am at 4:14 am #812235smartcookieMember
Aries, they’re doing Teshuva by saying their mistakes. Why don’t you take it that way?
And I don’t think that telling people to grow up is a better way for Elul.September 23, 2011 6:12 am at 6:12 am #812236
smartcookie, as always you are entitled to your opinion but then again so am I. After reading MP’s post on the other thread, this really DID get me thinking of what kind of foolish threads get started and why people would even consider posting to them and how they could really be a turn off to posters who seriously look at this website as someplace to go to for chizuk. So I don’t have to take it as people doing Teshuva by saying their mistakes. That is what l’havdiel the goyim do when they go to confession. As I said we are NOT like the goyim which is constantly pointed out here and that is NOT how we do Teshuva.
Mommamia, as far as laughing at escapades of our youth, in my humble opinion that would be posted on a thread titled “Would you like to share a funny story from your youth” instead of on a thread instigating a rambling of “meanness”. Even though the posters here are anonymous, their characters are pretty well known by their screen names and by their posts and positions. Now when they post something they will also be known as the poster who humiliated her friend in public, who hit her sister with a violin bow (sorry, just as an example) and other things that I didn’t force myself to read.
Many posters got caught up in the story telling and maybe did think like you did about getting it off their chest because they are anonymous, but then again once you post something it is out there on the internet and you forget that you still make an impression on those that you are talking to. We might not know you face to face, but we know you. You are the one that asked for help with one issue, the other poster is the one with another issue, a third gave great advice about something else and now they will be known by the meanness they displayed or some other thing that some OP thought it would be hilarious if they could get people to discuss or admit about themselves.
There is such a thing as having fun, telling jokes, and relaxing but being pulled into something that is really not that appropriate, even if it is NOT against halacha, is something that one should give a little more thought to. Just because a thread is opened that doesn’t mean that everyone has to jump and respond. Honestly, even if no one knows who you are, does anyone have the right to ask you this question? What about a thread that someone starts “How much do you weigh?” “How much money do you make?” “What was the last fight you had with your spouse?” People are curious about many things and they can start a thread about many things. Is it appropriate to ask these questions? Should people answer them? Why would someone even think about asking a question about “what was the meanest thing you ever did”? Doesn’t anyone else think there is something wrong with that? How about “What do you regret most this year” or “In which area are you concentrating most in doing Teshuva” wouldn’t that be more appropriate as a call to Teshuva than asking people about their “meanness”?
Maybe it bothers me more because of what I do, and because I know about “meanness” from victims first hand. And because I know how easily people can be manipulated into doing and saying things they normally wouldn’t. I don’t appreciate how people or posters have their fun by manipulating others into revealing things about themselves or instigating others to argue so they can sit back and enjoy the fight.
So we see things differently and that’s fine. From my perspective I believe that even though we are all anonymous on line, and even though some have figured out who others are, I believe that we still have to be careful not to discuss online what we wouldn’t normally be discussing around any other group of strangers. Just because we don’t know each other or can’t see each other we are still entitled to our privacy and we each have to respect that and not try to manipulate others. To me this was a “troll” poster and it was totally inappropriate. BTW, did the OP mention what the meanest thing s/he did?September 23, 2011 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #812237
Aries i dont see a problem with this thread, through sharing our failings we can learn from one another and try and improve our interpersonal relationships, and by reminding ourselves of our past faults we can train ourselves to do better in the future.
As for myself several years ago there were a few times when i didnt speak to my mother for a few days at a time even up to a week where previously we spoken several times a day i was dealing with a lot of anger i had and was in therapy at the time and found it hard to relate to her it is something i deeply regret now, she is currently in failing health and she is unable to speak more than a few words to me when i call i know she forgave me for this terrible behavior because my mother forgave everbody everything machlokes was just not something she comprehended she always spoke of growing up with her two siblings and how they never fought, to say she was/is a non confrontational person is the understatement of the century and even though she is still with us i miss her very much.September 23, 2011 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #812238
GOQ- make use of the time you have now to talk to her.September 23, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #812239
Ty adorable but she can barely say ten words on the phone or in person.September 23, 2011 5:51 pm at 5:51 pm #812240
Goq, that is NOT mean. That was protection through a difficult part of your life, so that is a whole different story.
Asking someone to share the meanest things they did and egging them on, while not even speaking about their own failings and how mean they themselves were (I checked, he did NOT contribute, only egg others on) is not a normal productive type of post.
Goq you yourself explained that you started a thread to show others how to appreciate their spouse and not take them for granted. Such a post makes sense. Does it make sense for a fairly new poster (did you see him post before) to start such a thread and not discuss his own story?September 23, 2011 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #812241
its the quality not the quantity now.September 23, 2011 6:06 pm at 6:06 pm #812242
You have a valid point Aries if your going to start a thread asking other to bear their faults you should offer yours as well to withhold your own while asking for others doesnt seem right i agree with that.September 23, 2011 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #812243am yisrael chaiParticipant
You say that you WORKED through your anger to the point that you now miss your mom and relate to her much better.
That sounds to me like a success story if ever I heard one!
Your mom must be so proud to call you her son.September 23, 2011 7:18 pm at 7:18 pm #812244
Ayc thank you so much for that it really means a great deal. Have a good Shabbos.September 23, 2011 7:38 pm at 7:38 pm #812245
Isn’t chizuk so much better than the other topic?September 23, 2011 8:34 pm at 8:34 pm #812246deiyezoogerMember
Say my name 6 times fast. cmon. TRY IT
When I threw an egg down 6 floors on the guy who was p…. on the wall of my apertment building. OK, I was only seven and my ten year old brother instigated me. “
– Careful, you may date the guy one day… 🙂 “
I’m a guy, and happily married for over a decade, but even if that would not be the case you wouldn’t find me death with that person…September 25, 2011 2:22 am at 2:22 am #812247always runs with scissors fastParticipant
aries – I do see your point. I actually thought the same thing recently. But not when I first read it. When I first saw the thread title I took it lightly…like a jokeingly. But now that some of the posts seemed without regret and really just reporting factually the details I got disturbed.
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