O.c. 1, 104
O.c. 2, 97
O.c. 4, 36
In the last one he says to have a kidush in shul is preferable to having a machlokes in the issue
I made an error – the last teshuva says a kiddush is fine, and not worse than making a kidush for any other simcha, even with saying some words for the bas mitzvah, is all fine. He says that if one can abolish the bas mitzvah celebration itself (not kiddush) in shul without making a machlokes or “zilusa” then it is a good thing to do, but not if it will cause a machlokes or “zilusa”
The Serudei Aish says to make a Bas Mitzva as a necessity so the girls should not feel left out. Rav Moshe’s view is that it is like any other birthday party and thereby forbidden to make it in a shul.
“Ubiq… You don’t see an issue combining the name of the avodah zara holiday of kratzmich with chanuka?
I was just parroting UJM, but You’re right I shouldn’t take cues from him
For the above reason I made a bas mitzva for my daughter in an outside hall but just for women as it is improper to publicize a girl becoming of age and no change in public behavior of her reflects that. However, a boy puts tefillin on in public.
Gifts on Chanukah are because on most years, xmas falls out at around the same time. So the Yidden decided to copy them.