What should we tell our children?

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  • #729361

    smartcookie
    Member

    OOmis- thanks for proving our point!!

    #729363

    I think we can all agree (other then estherhamalka) that it is OK for parents to take a well needed break every once in a while to reconnect and leaving them with their bubbies and zaides is not abandoning them.

    #729364

    shev…love your previous post….

    #729365

    smartcookie
    Member

    Mikehll- don’t feel guilty bout it because one poster decided it’s terrible thing to do.

    #729366

    shev143
    Member

    esther, can you please tell us why you’re opposed to sending children to sleep away camp?

    #729367

    shev143
    Member

    smartcookie, we don’t feel guilty, we actually extended our vacation for 2 more nights !

    #729368

    Smartcookie…I won’t. I just felt it was a knock at my parenting skills (and anyone else who has done it) as I am guilty of abonding my kids with their grandparents for a much needed rest ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #729369

    The question was:

    “What should we tell them so that the situation is easier for them to handle, or should we just leave quietly?”

    Where did the OP ask whether or not it was appropriate to go on vacation? Why can’t people just answer her question without giving unsolicited advice about things which should not concern them?

    #729370

    smartcookie
    Member

    MII-it’s ok to go away from the topic. It’s called discussions.

    #729371

    estherhamalka, I may be out of line but I’m sensing someone who might be stifling their kids (& husband) a bit. Kids especially the ages of yours, would not feel abandoned if you went away for a week. They might even enjoy the extra “grandparents pampering”. If done wisely the whole thing could be a win-win situation for all. Do you let your kids go to sleep away camp? or to sleep at a friend for shabbos? or do you feel it’s also not right because a child must be at his Mommys side 24/7? The kids that don’t go (if you can afford it) are usually the one’s that aren’t well adjusted. Going on a little vacation or taking a little break is by far not shirking one’s responsibilities. Sounds like you would even decline an invitation to a weekend affair in a hotel. and btw, I don’t go on a yearly vacation and hardly ever leave my kids. But not for those reasons

    #729372

    …and to answer the original question, tell the kids the truth. They’re smarter than you think. It’s worse to just make them wonder where you are. We went away to eretz yisroel for a week when my son was 3. His teacher actually made a point of giving him little prizes each day that we were gone. It was a very nice gesture that you might want to think of doing yourself. They’ll end up being more excited about the prizes and forget that you’re away.

    #729373

    Shevy- if I were you I really wouldn’t flaunt that you extended your selfish vacation for more nights. It just shows what a “great” mom you are. How can you be so selfish?? I don’t understand. How dare you leave your young innocent kids? It would be a different story if they were like 15…at least they know what’s coming. Here a 4,3and 2 yr old have no idea where mommy and daddy are,they will be crying and miserable and you and hubby will be out around town galavanting or tanning or whatever it is that you will be doing…how can you enjoy yourself?? Where is your responsibility and your morals?! Maybe you shouldn’t have had your kids so close together and then you wouldn’t be so chalishing to go away.sure they will brpe happy to see Bubby and zaidy,for an hour or a day….after that they WILL want to go home. How dare you scar your kids emotional well being for a few days of lone time? It’s people like you that give mothers a bad rap…if I knew who you were I would call child protective services…wherever you live doesn’t have enough of an outlet for you and hubby to go to for a little bit?I just don’t get it….how selfish can people be? And I said that iwas done and I said my price but since I see that it didn’t make any difference I just had to speak up yet afpgain..

    And sleep away camp is a totally different ball game. I am only now considering it for my almost 14 yr old who has never slept anywhere except home for those 14 years. No sleepovers at friends,nothing. Home. That is where Rav Avigdor Miller AH said kids and parents need to be. He did not hold with sleeping out at all. Not the children and CERTAINLY not the PARENTS who should be at home manning the fort that they built.

    #729374

    ItsJustMyOp-I am not stifling my kids at all. They go over their friends houses all the time,that we joke that we could use a personal driver to chauffeur them back and forth to allthier play dates. My kids are allinvolvedin extra cirricular actinides,each one in things that he or she enjoys. So thank you for your concern that they are being stifled. I dont mind them going out to ” get air” at friends but THEY MUST COME HOME AT NIGHT. and that has been my belief thru out this thread-that mom and dad can-should-get out for a breath of air every so often,but they too SHOULD RETURN HOME. I’m not against alone time. I’m against parents leaving thier kids behind.

    And mike- you know what,after thinking about it, I decided that,yes, I do think I am a better parent because I have never left my kids. I can proudly say that until they were each 3 years old and went toplaygroup,that my kids were at home by my side. I never ever left them.not for an appointment that I needed for myself at the dr,dentist etc. THEY ALWAYS WENT WITH ME. It was hard,yes,but they are mine and I love them and I would never leave them. When they got older I would leave them AT BEDTIME- in pjs,in bed,with a babysitter. And nit just any babysitter. People I knew very personally. When they got engaged,I’ve been known not to go anywhere for a while till I found a suitable replacement. I would never leave them with just any one.

    So then in conclusion,you parents don’t compare to my devotion as a parent. There is nothing more to say.

    Shevy I hope you go away to wherever it is you’re going,and I hope you can manage to enjoy it just a bit,and that your guilt that you should be feeling,doesn’t affect the time you have. I also hope for the sake of your children that your car or pkane or train gets you there and back safely,fir you kids. Personally,I wouldn’t really care if it didn’t.

    #729375

    always here
    Participant

    too much coffee.. not enuf Xanax/Valium?

    chillax, estherhamalka… it sounds like you’re freaking out! :/

    #729376

    smartcookie
    Member

    Esther- you sound SO foolish. What makes you think Shev’s kids are miserable when they are not home?

    Sometimes people are jealous, nd they will therefore justify their jealousy by thinking that others are worse people by having this specific advantage…

    #729377

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    estherhamalka i think you need to slow down a bit. You cant talk to someone like that no matter how strongly you feel about something. If a parent feels that they need to get away for a bit you cant judge them. Yes a parent is a parent but they are also a spouse. I dont think theres anything wrong with a couple having a bit of time for themselves and from what the op is saying its not something that happens very often. State your opinion if youd like but to lash out at her so strongly is totally inappropriate.

    #729378

    always here
    Participant

    ” I also hope for the sake of your children that your car or pkane or train gets you there and back safely,fir you kids. Personally,I wouldn’t really care if it didn’t.”

    uncalled for! & disgustingly cruel! shame-shame on you!! ://

    & un-Jewish!!

    #729379

    wanderingchana
    Participant

    If you have an attitude of fear of how they kids will handle being gone, the kids will pick up on that fear. If a mother has a lot on her plate, she may need a whole week to recharge. What if she is also taking care of sick parents/working full time/is chronically ill? Having said that, I’ve never done it…

    Definitely tell the kids!! They WILL feel abandoned, even if they don’t remember why years later. They don’t need to be told far in advance, but do tell.

    IMHO Disney movies are terrible. Either one or both parents are missing/dead/abusive and the young child/animal is forced to make it on their own. That’s the formula. But no one here is suggesting permanently abandoning children. They don’t compare.

    #729384

    aries2756
    Participant

    Esther, you are a little over the top here. A 14 year old, never to have had a sleepover? That sounds a bit extreme.

    #729385

    I do agree that going away and leaving your kids on a regular basis could be a bit much. But never?! and never to have a sleepover or go to camp? If you never let them and they wanted to, that’s a problem. They might be harboring resentment towards you, especially since most of their friends do. If they had no interest, also a problem. Socially. What kind of a fort are you building? Aside from the unconditional love and support we’re supposed to give them; we’re also supposed to teach them a little independence for the future. Let them out a little and spread their wings. I’m feeling claustrophobic just thinking about it. I’m the first person to say that family comes first, but it sounds to me that this is a bit much. Pardon me for being so bold but you’re creating the classic “momma’s boy” or girl.

    BTW, if you are considering camp, make sure your child (or you) is absolutely sure. The camps don’t give a refund if you back out the last minute or if they’re homesick in the middle.

    #729386

    Oh wow! the dr’s and dentists must’ve really looked forward to you shlepping you’re kids to all you’re appointments. Were the older ones in the labor room with you when you had the younger ones? I’m more concerned about what kind of a mother-in-law you’ll be if you can’t let your kids go. There’s something called loving too much. and I guess if your kids ever get the crazy notion when they’re married to take a vacation, they’ll have to look to the other grandparents to watch their kids.

Viewing 21 posts - 51 through 71 (of 71 total)
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