November 3, 2013 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #611152
Hat time do you think is a reasonable time parents should expect their 18 year old “chilled” bachur to be home by. By chilled I mean that he isn’t a learner and doesn’t hang out with the best boys out there but he’s not a “bum” and not a bad kid.November 3, 2013 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #985203jewishfeminist02Member
Eleven or twelveNovember 3, 2013 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #985204a maminParticipant
Dare I say , 1:00 am?November 3, 2013 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #985205
Are you trying to mussar me?November 3, 2013 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #985206getzil1Member
It’s 2 AM, do you know where your children are?
Definitely no later than 2:00.November 3, 2013 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #985207rebdonielMember
Midnight should be fine. OTOH, at 18, you’re a legal adult, even if you can’t support yourself.November 3, 2013 11:36 pm at 11:36 pm #985208ObstacleIllusionParticipant
12:30/1:00 Maybe after 12:30 or 1:00 he has to check in every half hour with a picture message of where he is.. I don’t know, if he’s a responsible 18 year old who isn’t disturbing people when he comes back in then when can you really give him a curfew?November 4, 2013 1:36 am at 1:36 am #985209mom12Participant
My ‘chilled’ son never listened to me when I gave him a curfew..I called him on the phone- he said he was on the way home, it was probably 3 or 4 am when he got in…
Good Luck!November 4, 2013 2:15 am at 2:15 am #985210writersoulParticipant
My parents are fine with whatever time I get home (within reason- if I got home at three then it would be a problem) as long as I’m realistic and timely as far as when I get back (it’s worse if I say I’ll be back at nine and I’m back at ten thirty than if I say I’ll be back at twelve and I’m back at twelve fifteen) and I tell them beforehand where I plan on going.
I’m trying to figure out whether it’s nice that they trust me to have all this freedom or whether I’m insulted that it doesn’t seem to worry them what I’d potentially get up to… (I’m also the only one whose parents let her drive with my friend who just got her license.)November 4, 2013 3:52 am at 3:52 am #985211
WIY – just curious, you are definitely older than 18, but IIRC you are not married or old enough to have an 18 year old. What made you ask?November 4, 2013 11:26 am at 11:26 am #985212interjectionParticipant
He should call his parents around 12 to give them a basic picture of when he’s coming home and he should have safe options for coming home whenever he does ie not the subway. He’s 18 and can do what he wants. If you want him to want to do what you want you have to be on his team by not giving him unfair rules. He likely wont be on board with you guys if his friends are chilling in his friends living room and only he has to go home early. However he should call his parents when he sees its getting late because he knows his parents will worry.November 4, 2013 12:56 pm at 12:56 pm #985213popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Depends what he’s doing. If he was out watching the game, it should be done by midnight. But if he’s out at a bar, it could be later.November 4, 2013 1:43 pm at 1:43 pm #985214☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
“He’s 18 and can do what he wants.”
That’s interesting, I’m more than 18, and I can’t just do whatever I want.November 4, 2013 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #985215popa_bar_abbaParticipant
DY: more than 18 is not 18November 4, 2013 3:03 pm at 3:03 pm #985216Torah613TorahParticipant
WIY, most of your threads are focused on what other people should be doing. Just an observation.November 4, 2013 3:06 pm at 3:06 pm #985217
especially if you’re married 😉November 4, 2013 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #985218☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Popa, ???? ????? ???.November 4, 2013 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #985219
Firstly did you go through all of my threads that you were able to determine that this is the majority?!
Moreover, the essence of the question and others is what time parents…should attempt to enforce but I knew you were smart enough to figure that out.November 4, 2013 5:36 pm at 5:36 pm #985220
What if this bochur has a “problem” waking up on time for Shacharis (i.e. wakes up usually after 10, 10 is early and davens biyechidus), would that change how you would handle it?November 4, 2013 6:31 pm at 6:31 pm #985221
As long as it takes for him to get home from his last seder halimud.November 5, 2013 12:23 am at 12:23 am #985222interjectionParticipant
“What if this bochur has a “problem” waking up on time for Shacharis (i.e. wakes up usually after 10, 10 is early and davens biyechidus), would that change how you would handle it?”
No, it would not. If my child didn’t appreciate davening enough to take necessary precautions to ensure he made it to minyan on time, I wouldn’t focus my effort on punishing him into davening properly. Instead I would try to figure out where this disinterest is coming from.November 5, 2013 2:42 am at 2:42 am #985223writersoulParticipant
interjection: it may have nothing to do with punishments- it may simply be that the boy may be waking up late because he’s not getting enough sleep coming home at 2 AM.November 5, 2013 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #985224
sometimes it isnt disinterest. it’s just that he has a greater interest. in this case, staying in bed. getting into bed at 2am is usually a good reason to want to stay in it at 7am.November 5, 2013 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #985225
Theres a phenomenon of bachurim keeping whacky hours during bein hazmanim or off Shabbosim.November 5, 2013 8:47 pm at 8:47 pm #985226
So, the phenomenon is real. It doesnt change the reality that tired people prefer to stay in bed. Am I completely misunderstanding you?November 5, 2013 9:26 pm at 9:26 pm #985227Torah613TorahParticipant
Well, suppose I think that if he is not home by 8pm, he is a bum. He should go to sleep at 9 so he’ll be up at 1 for tikkun chatzos and then again at 5 for vasikin.November 5, 2013 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #985228BoruchSchwartzParticipant
It depends what he is doing. If he is in the beis hamedrash he should be home by 1 or 1:30 so he can be awake and strong for the 9 o clock sunday morning minyan. If he wants to go to the theatre he shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house.
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