January 25, 2013 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm #607949
I am in serious shidduchim with a girl and her grandparents (oma and opa- they’re yekkes) invited me for shabbos meals.
What would be good to bring? I don’t have much money. I found in a TJ Maxx a box of chocolate truffles with an OU-Pareve hechsher believe it or not, and thought those would be good. Is this enough? I also thought about decoratively arranging some Stella d’Oro cookies on a nice dish with some dried fruits for garnish, since it is Tu b’Shevat.January 25, 2013 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #924959popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Cook something!January 25, 2013 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #924960SaysMeMember
sounds very nice. Don’t need more than that!January 25, 2013 5:54 pm at 5:54 pm #924961playtimeMember
If the box of chocolates is fancyish then that is enough. Something small and elegant always does it. Anything too big will give an impression of foreign guest (reciprocating for the meals), rather than family giving a token for their invite. Have a d’var torah, and don’t forget your pj’s.
As an aside,
I don’t get it. You’re in ‘serious shidduchim’ meaning you’re not yet engaged? – what are you doing then eating with your not-yet-fiance’s grandparents? Do you call the Oma and Opa already? If they invited you at this early stage, you needed not accept (it is not so uncommon for grandparents to get ahead of themselves). You will eventually learn that complementing others’ desires can sometime be out of place, and not necessarily the right thing to do. Have grace and backbone to bow out of any other conformity that doesn’t feel right to you.
Sure hope you do Oma & Opa proud!January 25, 2013 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #924962☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Wow, everything should go b’hatzlocha. Careful about the Stella D’oro – are they makpid on pas Yisroel, especially on Shabbos? Now’s not a good time for a frumkeit gaffe.
I like the idea of a dried fruit platter l’kavod Tu Bishvat. You can do that without the cookies (I think that might be better even if they were PY or they weren’t makpid).January 25, 2013 6:20 pm at 6:20 pm #924963zahavasdadParticipant
A bottle of wine. Since there are always Kasshruth issues, Wine is the safestJanuary 25, 2013 7:43 pm at 7:43 pm #924964oomisParticipant
I personally see nothing wrong in going to them for meals. it’s very gracious of them to include you, and if this is the right girl for you and you are the right guy for her, I hope we hear besoros tovos from you at the right time. I think flowers are always nice, but if too pricey, then arranging cookies nicely with dried fruits is really a nice idea. Would a bottle of wine be out of your budget?January 25, 2013 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #924965morahmomParticipant
Chocolate is always a good way to go, but if you want to earn brownie points with Oma and Opa go for a something along the Tu B’Shvat theme. Take it from someone who knows. And Hatzlacha!January 25, 2013 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm #924966147Participant
I don’t get it. You’re in ‘serious shidduchim’ meaning you’re not yet engaged? – what are you doing then eating with your not-yet-fiance’s grandparents?
Talmud:- I will help you get it; You should read the letter in this week’s Yated Ne’eman Shidduch Forum, and I think that then, even you will get it.
If the young lady is trying to extricate a proposal from the young gentleman, inviting him to her grandparents, or/& asking them to invite him, is a wonderful way of indicating her desire for a proposal.
It is also a very strong observance of the 5th commandment, so a wonderful preparation for next week’s Parshah of Yisro.
As for you rebdoniel, just bring yourself in a french cuff shirt cleaned at a cleaner, and any gift is just fine.
But 1 more thing rebdoniel:- Please keep us posted of any & all developments after this weekend.January 27, 2013 5:48 am at 5:48 am #924967
I am very optimistic. Oma and Opa were very pleased to have me, and they were pleased with what I brought (they’re a pillar of the MO community in Brookline and aren’t makpid on pas yisroel): a pint of Ciao Bella fancy sorbet (OU-Pareve in Blackberry Cabernet Sauvignon flavor) and a box of these really nifty cannoli cookies with the KVH Pareve hechsher I found in a Shaw’s across from the Bostoner Rebbe.
My feeling is that they’re very glad their granddaughter is with someone religious, since her father (like mine) went off the derech and the kids returned.
The only thing that was a gaffe of sorts was that they thought it was bizarre I didn’t use the eruv, but I explained that I generally don’t carry on shabbos, bichlal, unless there is a “Rambam eruv,” which in America, is like finding a pink unicorn.
It was also a real mechaye to daven in Maimonides and to see the Rav’s shtender, which they keep well-preserved and in a kavodike manner.
It was special when Opa and I learned a little bit in the afternoon together.
And I did wear a nice pressed shirt and my fanciest suit.
The chocolates I am bringing to a friend’s sheva brachos tomorrow night.January 27, 2013 5:55 am at 5:55 am #924968ThePurpleOneMember
oh wow glad 2 hear!! i wud be rlly nervis to meet them esp if theyr yekkes… intimidting!! esp cuz old ppl r soo opinionated these days.. i prefer young uns!!January 27, 2013 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #924969147Participant
Could you rebdoniel please elaborate & explain what is a Rambam or Maimonides Eruv?
I have never heard of it, and something tells me that most users of this coffee room have probably also never heard of it. Notwithstanding, I have utilized the Brookline MA Eruv many times.
Wearing a nice pressed shirt surely was an excellent move on your part.January 27, 2013 3:06 pm at 3:06 pm #924970☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
I assume he means omed m’rubah al haporutz – more closed (wall) than open boundary.January 28, 2013 4:40 am at 4:40 am #924971
That is exactly what I mean.
I don’t use an eruv anywhere I go, for the most part, and opa said that “nowadays, everyone wants to be holier than thou,” in response to this.January 28, 2013 5:39 am at 5:39 am #924972superstarMember
Wow. Did you call them Oma and Opa?
I just don’t get how people deal with these extremely awkward situations. I think I would die.January 28, 2013 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm #924973MDGParticipant
For a Rambam Eruv, you also have the issue of what constitutes a Torah level private domain vs public domain. You cannot build an eruv around a Torah level public domain.
What is a public domain? Most city Eruvim operate with the concept that a public domain is a major street 16 amot wide and 600,000 people pass through it daily (see Tosafot Shabbat 6b). If less than 600,000 people pass through, it’s a Carmalit – middle domain that can be made into a private domain by enclosing it with an eruv. A field is a classic example of a Carmalit. Highways, by definition, are public domains.
According to the Rambam (and many/most Sephardic Rishonim) a public domain is any street 16 amot wide (no need for 600,000 people). Therefore, most – if not all – city eruvs in America, even if built to the best standards, are useless according to the Rambam (and Rif, Ramban, Ritva, etc).
You should realize that not using eruvin can cause some issues on Shabbat with babies. My rebbe pointed out the SH”A holds that carrying babies (who can’t walk at all) is carrying D’oryta.
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