What to do when your hero lets you down?

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  • #611302
    WIY
    Member

    What would you do if there was someone in your life who you really looked up to and respected as your hero and they let you down?

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    #987436
    the-art-of-moi
    Participant

    You realize that the hero is human just like everyone else.

    #987437
    OURtorah
    Participant

    WIY- this happened to me and I spoke to my Rabbi about it. He told me that no one is human and everyone is going to make mistakes. You can still admire that person for the specific trait that they had that you wanted to emulate, while recognizing that they aren’t perfect. It also comes to show us how important it is to be an individual. Hashem instills within us our own personal Kochos and Tzaros, and we must focus on them. Yes we should have people to look up to, but we cannot make our focus being them! So I’d say if something that person had was inspiring to you, maintain that inspiration, but recognize no one is perfect! and don’t loose hope that people in this world are all bad 🙂

    Hatzlacha!!!

    #987438
    Anonymous1000
    Participant

    realize that people are human and can make mistakes or do bad things

    #987439
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I would have to find a new hero. Even if I could forgive them, it would be hard to keep them as a hero. If it is a Rav it is much more disruptive and unsettling, but then again they wouldn’t have been a “hero”.

    #987440
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Let them know what an idiot they are and find someone new.

    Seriously though, everyone makes mistakes, kay? Judge favoravly and find out if it was on purpose or not.

    #987441

    What do you mean by “let you down”?

    #987442
    writersoul
    Member

    Hero connotes infallibility. NOBODY is infallible.

    Examine this person. Why did he/she (probably he, so I’ll just use that) become your hero? What trait of his caused the admiration? Is this trait still present in him and able to be learned from, or does this let-down spoil your ability to gain? If you feel that you are able to be like Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes (and many people aren’t) and eat the pomegranate and throw away the rind, then perhaps attempt that.

    If this person had one trait that you admired and because of that you began to hero-worship this person, that isn’t necessarily the best idea. Every person has good points and bad points. Admire each person for their strengths, and don’t assume that every person with a strength you admire is also admirable in every way (though I understand that you figured this out already).

    Don’t let this stop you from trusting people. Just be discriminating in how you look up to people and why.

    (This is, obviously, all general advice given without knowledge of the situation…)

    #987443
    WIY
    Member

    I mean you thought the person was an ideal example of a wealthy baal habayis that makes the Torah the ikkar and you find out that he is not a good example of nasasa venosatah beEmunah .

    #987444
    SaysMe
    Member

    my experience of that, it was painful, unsettling, even a little scary. First step was yes, realizing she is human and has her struggles and life i dont know all about. But it did initially lower her in my eyes alot. After time though, it became more proof she struggled and failed too, so 1- more relatable, more attainable to strive for, and 2- more respected for all the times she overcame that aspect. Her ‘role’ slightly changed, from my equivalent of hero i guess, to that partly, and partly advisor cuz now i saw she too had flaws she works on

    #987445
    WIY
    Member

    Basically you really looked up to this guy and you felt that this is what baal habatim should aspire to be like and you held him up on a pedestal and used his as a mashal to other people on how to be and now you found out that the person is not who you thought they were.

    #987446
    OURtorah
    Participant

    WIY- if this wasn’t stressed enough is everyones posts, HES HUMAN!

    If anything, there is still silver lining in this story. Whatever he did, he did. That doesnt mean that your life has to come crumbling down. He didn’t do it to hurt you specifically. You sincerely looked up to him and aspired to be like him. But you must recognize that it’s not possible. You must be yourself. Sometimes Hashem will send us this harsh message when we aspire to be like another person TOO much. “Mi hu chocom? Halomed Mikol Adam!”- Pirkei Avos, Perek 4. Who is wise? One who LEARNS from everyone! take the lessons you learned from this man and apply them to your life, but LEARN where to stop yourself. Just cuz he made a mistake doesn’t mean you have to, and you can still attempt to acheive a beautiful trait he emultes.

    #987447
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    You might be a bit too judgemental. Don’t worry though. There really are such people. It is still a possible achievement.

    #987448
    LevAryeh
    Member

    OURtorah – Your rabbi told you that no one is human? Cool.

    #987449
    TheGoq
    Participant

    LAB I guess her rabbi does a lot of ro-bot mitzvahs.

    #987450
    E-O-M
    Participant

    Even with all of the above points in mind, the best advice I can give you is to become your own hero.

    #987451
    oomis
    Participant

    I think a lot depends upon the way in which they let you down. If they do something immoral or unethical, that is very hard to get past. If they disappoint you by not living up to your expectations, i.e., they are not THERE for you when you think they ought to be, that is something you have to examine inside yourself, to see if maybe your expectations are unrealistic.

    People, including heroes, are human. We all err.

    #987452
    OURtorah
    Participant

    LAB- HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA oy vey!!!!! Clearly I was in a rush before Shabbos and did not have a chance to fix up my post! I meant that he told me that no one is perfect and were only human. Hahaha thanks again for fixing it!

    #987453
    LevAryeh
    Member

    Clearly you’re human.

    #987454

    Gory, morbid stuff. when they let you down, there’s not much you could say… (or do..)

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