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Hi I’m turning twenty one next month and just went “on the market” how and what should I look for b4 i decide to take a girl out? any suggestions or advice?
Aren’t you kinda young? Before deciding what to look for in a girl and what to research….look into yourself.
How and what are your plans for parnassah?
Have you prepared yourself for marriage? Perfected those midos as best as possible?
Ready to commit, share and comprimise with someone for the rest of your life?
Just some things to keep in mind..
Research her middos, yichus, eidelkeit, her family (is her father a talmid chochom, are they all frum and ehrlich).
why is 21 young everyone is trying to solve the “crisis” by getting the boys married earlier
hohalevy:
you have to look at yourself and decide what you think is importatnt! what are your values?? there are many questions you have to ask yourself you cant just jump into cold water just like that. if you do it shows u have no plan for life u just take things as they come! look at urself rite now and see..do the things you do know do u want to continue or change heres an ex a boy watches movies he has to ask himself.. or even if he doesnt does he want to have a tv? does he want to watch once he gets married? once in a while? every nite? or not at all? the Q is what type of family do u want to raise?? and how u want to do it? stuff like that. then you can start looking for a girl who shares the same views and priorities as u who u can build a home with
If she is a learning girl or not
Why are you starting to date so early?
21 is a bit late for a girl to start dating.
hohalevy just by watching girls outside can say something abt them!! although ppl say dont judge…or even talking to girls once ur on a date ask the shadchan specific qs and dont forget nooo girl is perfect!!!
What’s your plan?
well then thats great!!! now u have to see what attributes u want ur wife to have?
you cant ask other people what they would want bec for each individual its diff…bec everyone is different you have to look at yourself what do u have that u want ur wife to have as well which attributes do u forsure want. cuz noone has all! chap what im saying?
Are you comfortable with who you are and is she comfortable with who she is. Next, are the characters, goals, skills, and needs compatible to build a functioning home. That is for interpersonal. A basic matter necessary to all parties is a working basic floor plan of long term support (and no the laws don’t count except for certain circumstances).
Good for you. I wish you much hatzlacha. Are you asking what you should be looking for or are you confused about how to do the “research”? If the former, this is not the place to go for advice.
I think it is crucial to find out the following:
1. Does the girls family stack?
2. What type of dishes (China, corelle, plastic, etc.)?
3. Do they use a plastic tablecloth, linen or no tablecloth at all
When I remember more of the absolutely crucial questions I will post them.
Usually the mother of the boy does the research on potential shidduchim.
If you “havv a plan,” so what exactly is your question. It sounds like you actually don’t “havv a plan.”
and what is ur plan? Did u start college yet?
Are you doing this all yourself? Do you have a parent or mentor doing this with you? If so, they will probably be able to give you a good answer.
First of all, though, figure out what you want. Correction, what you NEED. The only way to figure that out is to figure yourself out and what you want out of life. A mentor can help there as well.
One of the great things about shidduch resumes, however much people may hate them, is that they really minimize on the amount of time it takes to research someone. For instance, if you wanted to know something simple like what school someone went to, you’d have to call people. Now, it’s on a piece of paper. So you really just call to get a real feel about the person from people who actually know her.
I’m sorry I logged off! ty for answerin Yes i hav a plan Im majoring in paralegal. i am frum and want to lead a very religios lifestyle my goal is to raise a family that will truly serve Hashem!
WORKING: Are u serious a little to much stress on what kind of dishes the girl uses i dont think thats going to make so much of a difference
Find a pretty girl. She can always change her personality, or religiosity, but there’s no making her pretty.
An ugly girl can plaster makeup hollywood style, and presto, she’s pretty.
Sheker Hacahin Vihevel Hayofi
see pshat of Vilna Gaon!
Look for Yiras Shamayim WITH Yiras Shamayim and you will find simcha and shalom
The most important midda to look for is the willingness to grow. Life is filled with chalenges which the couple must grow together thru. How to find this out, I’ll leave this up to you and your sources. A few suggestions of things I would ask- Does she display a sensitivity to tznius in her dress and speech? Does she have a spiritual mentor, is she mekabel to guidance from them, is she involved in chesed?… Just my opinion. Wishing you much hatzlocha!
Csar: The law of diminishing returns applies first and foremost to a girl’s makeup.
OOM, LOL on the DR. Are you factoring weight or age or both?
Factoring in amount of makeup applied. 😛
There used to be a calypso song about 50 years ago:
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life –
Take an ugly woman to be your wife.”
Try to find a certified geyoress; that way there are no problems with yichus or minhagim. It was good for Moshe Rabeinu, Yohoshua, and many other biblical and torah leaders. There is also the advantage that there are no inbred diseases.
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