April 22, 2012 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #603033
Hi I’m turning twenty one next month and just went “on the market” how and what should I look for b4 i decide to take a girl out? any suggestions or advice?April 22, 2012 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #869750No One Mourns The WickedMember
Aren’t you kinda young? Before deciding what to look for in a girl and what to research….look into yourself.
How and what are your plans for parnassah?
Have you prepared yourself for marriage? Perfected those midos as best as possible?
Ready to commit, share and comprimise with someone for the rest of your life?
Just some things to keep in mind..April 22, 2012 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #869751PatriMember
Research her middos, yichus, eidelkeit, her family (is her father a talmid chochom, are they all frum and ehrlich).April 22, 2012 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #869752
hey Patri how do i research her middos? most ppl wont talk bad about another person…April 22, 2012 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #869753notwhouthinkiamMember
why is 21 young everyone is trying to solve the “crisis” by getting the boys married earlierApril 22, 2012 4:53 pm at 4:53 pm #869754
you have to look at yourself and decide what you think is importatnt! what are your values?? there are many questions you have to ask yourself you cant just jump into cold water just like that. if you do it shows u have no plan for life u just take things as they come! look at urself rite now and see..do the things you do know do u want to continue or change heres an ex a boy watches movies he has to ask himself.. or even if he doesnt does he want to have a tv? does he want to watch once he gets married? once in a while? every nite? or not at all? the Q is what type of family do u want to raise?? and how u want to do it? stuff like that. then you can start looking for a girl who shares the same views and priorities as u who u can build a home withApril 22, 2012 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #869755ED IT ORParticipant
If she is a learning girl or notApril 22, 2012 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #869756blackhatwannabeParticipant
Why are you starting to date so early?April 22, 2012 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #869757
21 is a bit late for a girl to start dating.April 22, 2012 6:43 pm at 6:43 pm #869758
hi i feel im ready bc I havv a plan and im not learning full timeApril 22, 2012 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #869759
hohalevy just by watching girls outside can say something abt them!! although ppl say dont judge…or even talking to girls once ur on a date ask the shadchan specific qs and dont forget nooo girl is perfect!!!April 22, 2012 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #869760
I am a 21 myr old boy i think i 4got to mention that. I am also basically setttled i hav directon in life and only want to grow in my abodat HashemApril 22, 2012 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #869761
What’s your plan?April 22, 2012 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm #869762
well then thats great!!! now u have to see what attributes u want ur wife to have?April 22, 2012 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #869763
you cant ask other people what they would want bec for each individual its diff…bec everyone is different you have to look at yourself what do u have that u want ur wife to have as well which attributes do u forsure want. cuz noone has all! chap what im saying?April 22, 2012 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm #869764yossi z.Member
Are you comfortable with who you are and is she comfortable with who she is. Next, are the characters, goals, skills, and needs compatible to build a functioning home. That is for interpersonal. A basic matter necessary to all parties is a working basic floor plan of long term support (and no the laws don’t count except for certain circumstances).April 22, 2012 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #869765ItcheSrulikMember
Good for you. I wish you much hatzlacha. Are you asking what you should be looking for or are you confused about how to do the “research”? If the former, this is not the place to go for advice.April 22, 2012 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm #869766workingParticipant
I think it is crucial to find out the following:
1. Does the girls family stack?
2. What type of dishes (China, corelle, plastic, etc.)?
3. Do they use a plastic tablecloth, linen or no tablecloth at all
When I remember more of the absolutely crucial questions I will post them.April 22, 2012 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #869767ImaofthreeParticipant
Usually the mother of the boy does the research on potential shidduchim.April 22, 2012 7:50 pm at 7:50 pm #869768YatzmichMember
If you “havv a plan,” so what exactly is your question. It sounds like you actually don’t “havv a plan.”April 22, 2012 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #869769blackhatwannabeParticipant
and what is ur plan? Did u start college yet?April 22, 2012 8:19 pm at 8:19 pm #869770writersoulParticipant
Are you doing this all yourself? Do you have a parent or mentor doing this with you? If so, they will probably be able to give you a good answer.
First of all, though, figure out what you want. Correction, what you NEED. The only way to figure that out is to figure yourself out and what you want out of life. A mentor can help there as well.
One of the great things about shidduch resumes, however much people may hate them, is that they really minimize on the amount of time it takes to research someone. For instance, if you wanted to know something simple like what school someone went to, you’d have to call people. Now, it’s on a piece of paper. So you really just call to get a real feel about the person from people who actually know her.April 22, 2012 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #869771dhl144Member
I’m sorry I logged off! ty for answerin Yes i hav a plan Im majoring in paralegal. i am frum and want to lead a very religios lifestyle my goal is to raise a family that will truly serve Hashem!April 22, 2012 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #869772dhl144Member
WORKING: Are u serious a little to much stress on what kind of dishes the girl uses i dont think thats going to make so much of a differenceApril 23, 2012 2:14 am at 2:14 am #869773popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Find a pretty girl. She can always change her personality, or religiosity, but there’s no making her pretty.April 23, 2012 2:24 am at 2:24 am #869774
An ugly girl can plaster makeup hollywood style, and presto, she’s pretty.April 23, 2012 3:50 am at 3:50 am #869775RABBAIMParticipant
Sheker Hacahin Vihevel Hayofi
see pshat of Vilna Gaon!
Look for Yiras Shamayim WITH Yiras Shamayim and you will find simcha and shalomApril 23, 2012 4:52 am at 4:52 am #869776beyondpearlsParticipant
The most important midda to look for is the willingness to grow. Life is filled with chalenges which the couple must grow together thru. How to find this out, I’ll leave this up to you and your sources. A few suggestions of things I would ask- Does she display a sensitivity to tznius in her dress and speech? Does she have a spiritual mentor, is she mekabel to guidance from them, is she involved in chesed?… Just my opinion. Wishing you much hatzlocha!April 23, 2012 5:41 am at 5:41 am #869777OneOfManyParticipant
Csar: The law of diminishing returns applies first and foremost to a girl’s makeup.April 23, 2012 12:57 pm at 12:57 pm #869778NechomahParticipant
OOM, LOL on the DR. Are you factoring weight or age or both?April 23, 2012 1:20 pm at 1:20 pm #869779OneOfManyParticipant
Factoring in amount of makeup applied. 😛April 23, 2012 1:37 pm at 1:37 pm #869780HolyMoeParticipant
There used to be a calypso song about 50 years ago:
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life –
Take an ugly woman to be your wife.”April 23, 2012 2:00 pm at 2:00 pm #869781cherrybimParticipant
Try to find a certified geyoress; that way there are no problems with yichus or minhagim. It was good for Moshe Rabeinu, Yohoshua, and many other biblical and torah leaders. There is also the advantage that there are no inbred diseases.
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