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Please help me with this. My husband and I have a friend (male) who is in his late 40 and single. He has been coming over to my house often and making himself at home which would be fine if it was once in awhile but it is everyday. He stays till all hours of the night and doesnt know when to go home. He is such a nice guy willing to help out with anything, but I cant have him over all the time. How do I tell him in a nice way that he cant come all the time and stay late, I know he is lonely and is very sensitive. I really dont want to hurt his feelings.
It is not up to you to have this discussion with him. It is up to your husband to tell him. Obviously, since he is NOT married he lacks the social skills he would have gained had he been. Your husband has to politely tell him that the two of you really enjoy his company but the two of you need alone time as well, so he should pick a night that he would like to share your company and that will be his night to join the two of you. And when it is time for him to leave, your husband needs to say, “we had a great time and we look forward to your next visit but right now we have to start settling down for the night, so we can wake up with the kids, or be up in time to start our morning routine.” or whatever you think is appropriate.
yes, I agree aries2756 is certainly correct. The situation calls for your husband to be the one to take care of this. If he can’t, you can always say in a polite and friendly way ‘I don’t mean to be rude but I really need alone time with my husband as we need to discuss some personal things and besides it’s getting very late’ or s/t like that. There are many nice ways to say to a guest it’s time to leave, but with your “sensitive’ friend always add “we hope we see you again soon’ when he leaves. Hatzlacha.
I agree with aries2756 and BaalHabooze, but this individual obviously lacks social skills and etiqutte and may not read between the lines. How would you respond if he says, “Oh, I understand, I’ll stay out of your way and hang out in the study/living room etc.. so you two can have some privacy. You trust me to lock the door behind me when I leave, right?”
Tell him to go home.
While the solutions mentioned above are good, how about trying to find something else for him to occupy his time with.
Ideally that might be a young lady. We are always hearing about the shidduch ‘crisis’ particularly about older females that can’t find a guy. Well, here’s an ‘older’ guy! Find him a girl.
Once heard this, rather have one small fight than a never ending fight.
This sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Put a stop on the unhealthy part or else you will pay for this in a hard way. Even if this means that this person will temporarily upset in the long run it will pay off.
This person has overstayed his welcome. Time to let him know politely but firmly that he needs to go. Perhaps have rabbi do it.
If your husband has the time to hang out with his friend at night then get him learning in the Bais Medrash and not only will you not have this fellow over but you’ll have a talmud chochem husband.
Aries is 100% on the mark. If your husband, however, will not tell his friend to leave, then you HAVE to step in. Pick a day when it is OK for him to hang out and that is IT! Other than that, your husband can hang out with him occasionally, but not to the point that you are being neglected. It is NOT healthy for a single older guy to hang out with his friend and his friend’s WIFE all the time. I see SO many problems with this scenario, and I am usually the one who does not see anything wrong with socializing.
Cherrybim,
Thank you for the unsolicited advice.
I like it, your telling someone to be Mechanich their Husband. dont even start..
I agree with aries as well. This is a discussion your husband needs to have with him. He’s infringing on a marriage and if you don’t establish appropriate boundaries with him now, he isn’t likely to “get it” on his own.
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