April 10, 2011 3:14 am at 3:14 am #596206
this question is for those in “the parsha”
i was just talking with a couple of friends today, and we were discussing what aspects of our weddings (none of us are engaged yet, we were just thinking) would we give up, or use less of, or do differently, in order to make the financial strain of the wedding a little less. granted, every wedding will be expensive, but the little things you could do (or not do) that could save money, would definitely lessen the burden a little.
what would be something you would give up?
(for example, doing the wedding in a shul instead of a hall, or using silk flowers, or a smaller band…)April 10, 2011 3:29 am at 3:29 am #758514eclipseMember
…the guy? That was a joke.April 10, 2011 3:42 am at 3:42 am #758515
lol 🙂April 10, 2011 3:58 am at 3:58 am #758516SacrilegeMember
The guests. The dozens I don’t know and don’t even want to be there.
A small location wedding with only close (!) friends and immediate family is fine with me.April 10, 2011 4:01 am at 4:01 am #758517popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Everything but the spouse.April 10, 2011 4:04 am at 4:04 am #758518
Sac and popa: are you gonna take your own advice or blame your parents for all the guests you know are going to be there?April 10, 2011 4:08 am at 4:08 am #758519popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Sac and popa: are you gonna take your own advice or blame your parents for all the guests you know are going to be there?
I don’t say on this site whether I am married or not, but in this position, I would probably blame the spouse.April 10, 2011 4:09 am at 4:09 am #758520
why, you think *your* parents would not invite too many of their own friends and family?April 10, 2011 4:16 am at 4:16 am #758521SacrilegeMember
Honestly I couldn’t give a flying hoot what happens. It’s only 4 hours. I’ll have the rest of my life with the man I love, thats all I care about.April 10, 2011 4:20 am at 4:20 am #758522cshapiroMember
id give up the matching bridal party dresses and grooms friends wearing matching colored ties….and id settle for a hall in flatbush rather than the beach in hawaii….but thats just me…April 10, 2011 5:00 am at 5:00 am #758523
hate to spoil the fun, but i meant this to be a serious thread.April 10, 2011 5:04 am at 5:04 am #758524Bar ShattyaMember
why would i care what you meant? maybe you can request from the editor to moderate the thread you startedApril 10, 2011 5:09 am at 5:09 am #758525cshapiroMember
i was totally serious about the first part, as far as the location, i know someone who got married in washington square park and had pizza, french fries and soda….let me tell u, thats a cheap wedding, but its one that no ones forgetting anytime soon!!!April 10, 2011 5:29 am at 5:29 am #758526Know.it.allMember
i would need to see a trailer of your life in order to tell you what to give up and what not.April 10, 2011 5:44 am at 5:44 am #758527
I’m married a couple of years, but before my wedding I begged my Mom to take fake flowers instead of fresh. I didn’t see the point in spending the $$, when you can get such beautiful silk flowers today. I ended up having real, they were magnificent, but I couldve done without that!!
Another thing- one man band instead of more men band.
Also invitations- I think they’re a pure waste. I think for my own children IYH- I’ll send small little post cards in the mail. WHY do we need more than that?April 10, 2011 2:05 pm at 2:05 pm #758528
Bar Shattya- that was a mean response! the op obviously wanted some serious answers. if you want fun, go look for another thread. you don’t have to comment here if you don’t have anything nice to say.
yummycupcake – you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. a lot of kallahs want only the most expensive and the best of everything no matter what the cost. hatzlacha to you. may you and your friends find your basherts soon.April 10, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #758529
ty gefen. btw, i wasn’t talkin to e/o, i realized some ppl were being serious.
anyway, i decided (b’ezrat Hashem, when the time comes), silk flowers, a buffet style wedding(if it would end up coming out cheaper), less pieces at band, but still enough to keep it nice (or even bring in a one man band, if that would be cheaper)April 10, 2011 3:20 pm at 3:20 pm #758530yossi z.Member
I would give up having lots of guests but I kenaina hara have a big family of which I know most of it’s members (this is going from (great) aunts and uncles down to second cousins once removed) even if I keep it down to immediate family (no further than say close first cousins) it would still be on the larger side (by my brother’s wedding we had I think 150 coming from each side just for the meal). One man band all the way but that is just because we have a family friend we use. Fake flowers but that would be more the kallah’s decision. To keep it short and sweet I am not big on whole to dos
😀 Zuberman! 😀April 11, 2011 12:03 am at 12:03 am #758531tomim tihyeMember
I got married in a hall with only half a ceiling left.
We didn’t notice it, others did.
We might have been the last couple to get married there (12 years ago). Definitely one of the last.
There really isn’t much we could have given up on.
I’m the oldest of a large chevra ba”h, and I sure didn’t want to set an expensive precedent.
Didn’t and still doesn’t matter one iota.April 11, 2011 12:31 am at 12:31 am #758532
i would give up on the ivitations,i would also send out post cards or maybe make pnone calls to all the ppl i want to invite.
i would maybe also give up on the flowers, and take fake ones.
and also very important, i will not buy fancy gowns, only rented ones. for the whole family.April 11, 2011 1:43 am at 1:43 am #758533
I would also give up most of the gifts, I dont need:
A gold watch (a $10 one from Walmart is just fine).
A $400 dollar Esrog holder (I would buy myself a leather one for $30).
A $1,000 chussan Shas (a reguler one served me just fine in yeshiva).
and the list goes on and on.April 11, 2011 1:50 am at 1:50 am #758534
deiyezooger: Forget what you “would” give up; did you in fact give up all the stuff you “would” give up? Or can we blame the parents for “not letting” you give it up?April 11, 2011 1:59 am at 1:59 am #758535
No I didn’t, but looking back I regret not doing so. And no I dont blame my parents or in laws, they were generous but I still should have said no thanks.April 11, 2011 2:03 am at 2:03 am #758536
I think most people are like that. It’s easier to say you’d have given it up after the fact, or even before you’re engaged. But l’maaisa when you are preparing for the chasuna, somehow it seems everyone forgets their idealism.April 11, 2011 2:15 am at 2:15 am #758537
Its not about idealism, its about getting things I dont need. I didnt use my gold watch in more then a decade.April 11, 2011 2:21 am at 2:21 am #758538
You realize that now. You can count on one hand how many Chasanim think that during their engagement.April 11, 2011 2:24 am at 2:24 am #758539
Thats true, part of it is the competition, so there needs to be more talk about this ishue BEFORE they are in the parshah.April 11, 2011 4:50 am at 4:50 am #758540
OMG- Deiyez- you’re married over a decade? I thought your 19.April 11, 2011 8:56 am at 8:56 am #758541Mother in IsraelMember
“I don’t say on this site whether I am married or not”
But you did say that your daughter’s Queen Esther costume was mistaken for Vashti by her teacher. 😉April 11, 2011 10:56 am at 10:56 am #758542truth be toldMember
shlishi:April 11, 2011 12:57 pm at 12:57 pm #758543SJSinNYCMember
I think its important for everyone to decide what’s important to them.
I wanted to get married outdoors so I prioritized that. (Actually, I wanted to get married in a small ceremony in a shul in Venice, but was totally struck down by that LOL).
We didn’t have flower centerpieces at all – they are a total waste of money. But we did make sure to have beautiful flowers for me, my bridesmaids and the chupah (and all the men had nice bouttonnieres).
Photography was important so we had a good one.
I didn’t care at all about the band (was totally happy with a cd player LOL) but my FIL is a professional musician. Andy Statman (famous klezmer musician) even played at our wedding!
Also, don’t upgrade the food. Its not worth the cost. Simple is perfect.April 11, 2011 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #758544
same here. i decided to give up on most regular gifts too. i don’t need a watch and a bracelet and a necklace and machzorim and whatever else you could think of that they give. i think the ring and the leichter (i don’t even care if its a treated ring) is enough!April 11, 2011 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #758545mytakeMember
I want a stunning diamond ring (stunning, not davka expensive), but I don’t care for all the other stuff like necklace, earrings,bracelet, machzorim, (even leichter-I’m fine with silver plated or whatever).
Regarding the wedding night- I’d forget about flower centerpieces, do a simple menu, one man band. Can’t think of anything else, but I’d take suggestions from my parents/in-laws and cooperate with them.April 11, 2011 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #758546adorableParticipant
I would not care getting a CZ diamond ring- of course I want it to be a nice one but why put someone into financial trouble for a ring. I once mentioned it to a couple friends who were talking about it and they all said I am nuts for being willing to give up something like that! Maybe they are just babyish about the whole thing. I would not care if my sisters dont have custom made gowns- I just really would want my mother to look stunning! (I guess in that case I should not get married in the next few months as she is pregnant! UCH but that is a different story for another time!)April 11, 2011 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #758547chayav inish livisumayParticipant
i would tell my kallh to buy an outfit at tjmax to wear instead of an expensive gownApril 11, 2011 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #758548Joseph / clark-kentMember
adorable – what’s wrong with a kallah’s mother being pregnant at her wedding??April 11, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #758549s2021Member
I would not mind a cz ring.
Other jewlery, I want, but I it doesnt need to b real or expensive, just nice.
Silver candlesticks- what 4??? crystal, ceramic is beautifull
A small lchaim is nice.
A vort- why does it even exist??
I would love a tiny wedding in a shul with just immediate family. It would be so personal and meaningfull. Maybe dance for an hour.
Everyone else can come wish me mazal tov over the next week during sheva brachos.April 11, 2011 6:32 pm at 6:32 pm #758550
OMG- Deiyez- you’re married over a decade? I thought your 19.
well i’m sorry you thought wrong. i’m proud to say happily married, for that amount of years.(decade.)never thought someone will mix my age up to 19. thanks for the complement. or maybe insult. don’t know myself which is better.April 11, 2011 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #758551mewhoParticipant
crystal candle sticks are very in. i was in eichlers a couple weeks ago and they have a huge selectionApril 11, 2011 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #758552yacr85Participant
I asked my parents in law to buy me a nice watch from Macy’s in the $50 range. They insisted on spending many hundreds! I told them that I never wear a watch anyways but they insisted. It is sitting on the shelf and get used about once a year!
I didn’t want a Chassan Shas, so I got a small Peninim Shas ($120) and the Mesechta that I’m learning, I buy myself one of the new ones (Oz Vehadar etc)
I didn’t want Meggilah, Esrog holder etc etc.
I told the wife, why do your parents have to buy stuff to create love between us (isn’t that the reason, or something like that!), there is no love created between US, from THEM buying me presents.
Rather let us wait till we get married and when I’m learning and we have no money, you go and spend a few pennies on a gift for me (sefer or something like that) and I will appreciate it 1000 times more. And that’s really true. Her cheap gifts (sounds funny!) mean the world to me.
Having said that, I declare my In laws to be extremely generous people, and have hearts of gold. They give us a lot.
But I just didn’t feel that it was worth them wasting there money on things I don’t want them to buy for meApril 11, 2011 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #758553
“I would not care getting a CZ diamond ring- of course I want it to be a nice one but why put someone into financial trouble for a ring.”
A $200 dollar CZ is nicer then a $2000 dollar diamond. a 100% clean diamond will be close to $10,000 a carat.April 11, 2011 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #758554
“Said they don’t use the large chosen Shas, as most people don’t. Whatever Mesechta they’d learn, they’d buy the new print.”
In the begining I was trying to spare my shas, but then I decided I dont want my kids to think I never opened a gamarah. I want my shas to look like my grandfathers looked, every page used.April 12, 2011 12:39 am at 12:39 am #758555
I’m from New York and my husband is from the midwest. When we got engaged, my mother in law was in for a big surprise. The first Shabbos after our engagement, a woman from her shul called her aside and asked what she is giving me. My mil asked what she was referring to. The lady then proceeded to give her a LIST of things she ABSOLUTELY MUST BUY FOR THE KALLAH! Needless to say that made her a bit nervous as she had never heard such a thing before. Yes, she planned on getting me some gifts but didn’t know there were specific requirements and price range! Well, when I found out about this, I told my husband (future at the time) to tell his mother not to worry. I was not looking for all that glitz. We are still happily married and have a wonderful family B”H. And my mil and I still joke about it.April 12, 2011 1:15 am at 1:15 am #758556
The problem with IN TOWNERS is that everyone has to do what everyone does, wich creates a vicious cycle.April 12, 2011 1:39 am at 1:39 am #758557tomim tihyeMember
I married in-town BT, so mil didn’t know from the gift shtuyot.
Like gefen, I was happily deprived.April 12, 2011 3:13 am at 3:13 am #758558
Hi everyone! I sold my hub’s gold Chosson watch today! I got almost a thousand bucks for it! (He never uses it.) Talk about buying gifts for nothing!April 12, 2011 3:21 am at 3:21 am #758559
i hope ur husband knows about it! lol 🙂April 12, 2011 3:46 am at 3:46 am #758560
Gold is now at an all time high, $1,450 an oz.April 12, 2011 3:51 am at 3:51 am #758561
Yup, he made me do it, and he came along with me to the jewelry store! (I also sold some of my old stuff!)April 12, 2011 5:44 am at 5:44 am #758562My .02Member
There was a story about the parents of one of the gedolim of yore who ran out of funds to pay the melamed. The father had one valuable item he treasured- a gold watch. He woke up early in the morning and headed to the pawn shop to cash it in- only to find that his wife had beat him to it- she was already there trading in the last valuable item she owned- a set of silverware. Something to aspire to!
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