You guys are scaring me!!!
It is mamash scary to see what is going on in our world. I am not sure what is causing this Makkah. I think it is due to a few key things. I don’t know how old you are, but when the times come for you to enter shiduchim, make sure to concentrate only on the musts:
Middos, Hashkafah, Middos, Hashkafah and Middos and Hashkafah.
make sure to concentrate only on the musts
And I’d add: Clarify the musts to yourself.
at the end of the day it’s easy to get married and hard work to stay married. as long as pple realize it’s not all candy and flowers there is noting to be scared of.
The shidduch threads are often full of hope. These are more full of gloom
just want to share some thoughts because I have also gone through things in my life and Boruch Hashem got real help to change and make it work…
I think that Rabbi Miller Z’TL said that if you just focus on what you want to get in a marriage, eventually you will get a “get”. Or something like that… anyway, it is true. Focus on giving and daven like crazy for siata d’shmaya … and daven for your spouse that they should become a tzaddik, tzadekes, have seichel, etc….. be matzliach in everything. Many many people will eventually reciprocate, mimic your behavior or whatever you want to say, … learn from you… and become a giver too. THere have been many tough cases out there that changed and lived to tell about it.If your spouse is not interested in changing you change….
Some basic rules to follow. Emulate greatness. Try to live like the gedolim of the past (and present) the BEST you can. Keep the secular world out of your home (as much as you possibly can) and learn together, go to shiurim ,etc.. … And get married to someone who has Yiras Shamaim, asks Daas Torah and not just does what he or she wants…someone whose only goal is to give nachas to Hashem or be that person yourself.
IT WILL BE TOUGH BUT IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BUILDING A BAIS NEEMAN B’YISRAEL, you will be zoiche to walk your children to the chuppa I’YH. many many times divorce is just a cop out — an easy way out… if you are having problems, seek real Daas Torah and be wary of divorce rabbis… unfortunately we live in a very complicated world. To women: get yourself a Rebbitzen that supports your marriage and your marriage in general and that has a good, loving marriage herself… someone that can teach you about Jewish marriage.
mchemtob- i hope u understand not everything is in ur controll. ppl get surprises in life despite ur best efforts. even with realizing marriage isnt candy and flowers.. there r still things to be afraid of.