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“What’s your favorite color?”
“What’s your favorite book”
“What’s your favorite food?”
“What’s your favorite song?”
“Who’s your best friend?”
etc.
Training young, innocent children to have a favorite on everything is imprudent. People of ages, and especially children, should not think in terms of extremism or pick favorites. It inevitably leads to radical thinking and questions like “Who’s your best friend?” causes them to form opinions about others, and instead of taching them to love everyone, they will emerge thinking they should have a best friend and shun others.
The two worst questions are “what’s your favorite color?” because it doesn’t even make sense. Colors are just various forms of light. Why should it be expected that one in particular appeal to you more than any others?
and “what’s your favorite food?”. That one is the opposite of chinuch. It’s in effect stating that food is to be eaten for purposes other than nourishment. Is that how we want to raise our children? A better question would be “Which food is healthiest?” But that’s not good either, because it trains them to form opinions on things they know nothing about (save for the rare kindergarteners who are certified nutritionists), so the best thing to do would be to say, “name a food you often eat.”
People naturally have favorite colors. And people naturally ask children about them. Having favorites is normal, and training your children not to be normal is bad chinuch.
If we wouldn’t eat food for reasons other than nourishment, we would eat the same food on Shabbos as during the week.
By the same token you could not ask a child the name of their favourite flower.
if you reach the high level of gedolei Hador then there’s really no difference “what your favorite food is” cause righteous people eat for only one reason: to have strength to serve Hashem. with this in mind there is really no difference to them between having pizza with soda or bread & water
may YOU one day grow to reach this high level & closeness with Hashem
my favorite color is gray
my favorite flower is a rose
my favorite food is cholent
Give me a break…
Given.
I cant eat cholent AND excersize? is it an oxymoron?
my favorite book is Harry Potter
my favorite song is that cholent song by Country Yossi
Is your favourite food cholent made by Kayla Kuchleffel?
Chiuch is bad chinuch.
Mashiach Agent: Saying “cause” instead of “because” is terrible chinuch.
using capitalization ONLY for emphasis is not good chinuch either.
I STRONGLY disagree
I am a RESULT of that bad chinuch AND I’ve come back TO disagree
The strong disagreement seemed to use capitalization that was not for emphasis.
Hashemisreading- I meant give me a break on the thread, not on your choice of favorites. No comment on that one way or another. You’re entitled to have whatever favorites you want, and to ask your children, grandchildren, and all your doros what their favorite food/color/song/etc. is!
Thank you technical20 for your validation! I will continue to favoritize my favorites.
sdd
In the op you did in fact deny the entitlement
“because it doesn’t even make sense. Colors are just various forms of light. Why should it be expected that one in particular appeal to you more than any others?
and “what’s your favorite food?”. That one is the opposite of chinuch. It’s in effect stating that food is to be eaten for purposes other than nourishment.”
Never mind the fact that halacha takes favorite foods into account eg regarding kedicma for brachos and doesnt dismiss it as “the opposite in chinuch”
Asking these questions is actually GOOD chinuch since at the age when most of these questions are asked these are things that children care about, and parents/others showing interest in things important to their children is excellent chinuch.
Why do you care about chinuch? Children are just various forms of matter.
I don’t believe in letting children think at all. Children should be seen and not heard, and do homework and chores and otherwise stay out of our way, and preferably sleep 12 hours a night from day one. No pesky personalities should be allowed to develop.
That said, I think the OP is a reaction to the secular habit of overly focusing on children’s individuality, leading to egocentric adults for whom satisfying their desires is a goal in life.
There’s nothing wrong with having opinions, be it food preferences or favorite colors or people you don’t like. Ultimately we have to listen to Hashem, and we eat kosher even if the nonkosher chocolate looks delicious, don’t wear purple sheitels even if it looks good on us because it would not be tzanua, and we do good for people because Hashem tells us to emulate Him and be kind and merciful.
In fact, our personalities, gifts, and deficiencies are gifts from Hashem, guiding us to how our neshama is meant to serve Hashem best.
Chiuch is bad chinuch.
But chiyuch is great chinuch! 🙂
Sdd
I’m sorry perhaps I misunderstood “entitled” I assumed in this context you meant aas in have a right to or it is a correct act, which you clearly say in your op it is not.
You didnt reply to my point. There are many places in halacha where “favorite food” is discussed. whether with kedima librachos, or which Shabbos meal to eat them etc etc… how do you explain this if not only is having a favorite food is so bad but even for children!
As for your point here are some of dozens of posible replies:
1) There are shitos that argue on the metzudos david
2) That is a goal to strive towards for yechidim
3) He means food shouldnt be the thrust of your life, but there is nothing wrong with the having a favorite food
4) Even if food is eaten primarily to serve Hashem it is still allowed to taste good. Consider the mishna “pas bamelech tochal” Even if limited to bread salt can be added to enhance the flvor
You’re being a little extreme.
Rebyidd23: because it’s a mitzvah.
Presumably, that’s a response to “If we wouldn’t eat food for
reasons other than nourishment, we would eat the same food on Shabbos as during the week.” However, since a mitzvah is something
other than [physical] nourishment, this is not a valid response.
(Anyway, he knew that wasn’t what you meant.)
I’ve been meaning to get back to this thread, but for the moment,
Yitzchok Avinu asked Eisav for food that he enjoyed. I’m sure this
is interpreted in different ways, but “ein mikro yotzei mi’pshuto.”
(According to Rav Miller, this was in order to feel more gratitude
to him so that he could give him his brocho with more feeling.)
Comlink X, it was in response to his second post, Why do you care about chinuch?
Oops. 🙂
t must be realized that the purpose of food is health and nourishment, and to teach a child otherwise is wrong.
Here’s a little story about R’ Matisyohu Salomon, who we
can probably all agree knows a thing or two about chinuch.
A man brought a child along on a visit to R’ Matisyohu.
During the visit, he (or his Rebbetzin – I don’t remember,
it doesn’t matter) offered the visitor’s child a lollipop.
R’ Matisyohu urged the child (in Yiddish) to “Take the red one,
the red one is good.” When the visitor asked about Eisov having
requested “the red” food, he responded along the lines of (in Yiddish) “Children like the red – Eisav remained a child.”
(I don’t remember who I heard the story from.)
SDD
Entitled “give (someone) a legal right or a JUST CLAIM to receive or do something” (From Oxford dictionary, emphasis added
But we arent really arguing that point. I misunderstood. apolagies
Your response to my 4 points isnt neccesary either. I am not saying there isnt a valid approach to strive towards only eating to serve the borei olam.
I am saying that not everybody is on that madreiga, and certainly not all children. Thus asking kids about their interests is completly appropriate and is actually excellent chinuch. Again depending on age and madreiga (of both involved).
my favorite food is schnitzel
my favorite color is blue
my favorite sport is baseball
my favorite pastime is reading this thread.
its so weird!!
SDD
Its not worth arguing over, since I clearly misunderstood what you meant.
entitled means (one definition) they have a “JUST CLAIM” to do something. Just claim means it is correct. In your OP you said these questions are not correct.
Thats all.
As you explained you did not mean “entitled” in the sense that it is a correct action but rather that they have the right to.
That is fair. I am not arguing, I misunderstood.
For example is someone “entitled” to speak lashan hara?
No in the sense that as a yid it is not allowable nor just. but yes in the sense that it is not illegal so he has a legal right to.
Perhaps this could be seen as a teaching moment for a teacher.
One approach might be exploring with the children to analyze *why* they prefer one item over another. It doesn’t much matter whether the object is food, color, music or even people, the methods we use in making our choices may be equally as sound, unsound or arbitrary.
The teacher can then work with students to consider the benefits of overcoming one’s inclination in some cases and in deciding which situations merit a second look.
The only thing I can say after reading the story about R’ Mattisyahu is if you ask a stupid question you deserve a stupid answer. I was present when a person asked one of the freierdige gedolai hador whether it is a bad thing to be called “zeide” by your grandchildren because we daven 3 times a day “v’hazeidim mihaira yikaraisu”. The Rov answered him with a straight face, demonstrating his gadlus and sensitivity, while I was doubled over in laughter, demonstrating why no one asks me stupid questions.
What did he answer?
In any case, my point was that R’ Matisyohu encouraged the child
to take a particular food because it tasted better, which does
not fit with an idea presented in this thread by a poster.
There’s a story about Rav Eliyahu Dessler taking out a large sefer
and looking into it before telling a woman that her fish, which
was lacking a liver, was kosher (there is no halacha of a t’reifah
regarding fish). He explained to a talmid who was standing by that
if he did not treat every question with respect, people would
hesitate to come to him with their questions.
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