February 3, 2011 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #594756
Ok. Another shidduch thread here. A pleasant one though.
What are the musts you feel you need in a girl or guy. For you, your son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter, brother or sister . So far as character, looks, family, money etc. Lets try to be specific. What type of middos, family, appearance.February 3, 2011 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #741252
Good heart, kindness,
Middos- Doesn’t get angry easily
Easy to talk to
Attractiveness (to me, not anyone else)
All in all, just a nice, good hearted person where we both feel that we can build a good life together
And yes, there are hundreds of girls that have the character which I described- I just need to find her, the one for me, and then i’ll know, with H-shems help of course
Not very important:
Not Important at all
Chicken VS vegetable soup friday night
Plastic table cloths
Stacking VS scraping
Apples VS oranges
Sushi VS Gefilte Fish
Pizza VS Falafel
Plastic VS China
America VS China
Ein TugFebruary 3, 2011 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm #741253
I spend 10 minutes writing a post and you remove it? chutzpaFebruary 3, 2011 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #741254
Shkoiach:)February 3, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #741255
1dayatatime: Thanks for posting. I thought I hit off a real bummer.
May you find her soon.February 3, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #741256mikehall12382Member
Not another shidduch thread πFebruary 3, 2011 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #741257
Not another shidduch thread π
Lol they’re actually quite interesting!February 3, 2011 5:59 pm at 5:59 pm #741258cofeefanMember
the most important thing for me is having a good heart! loyalty is also a BIG thing for me!
someone that has good family values and will be a good father and husband!
a sense of humor would be nice too!February 3, 2011 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #741259
Shkoiach, AmenFebruary 3, 2011 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #741260gavra_at_workParticipant
1: Commitment to the Rebbono Shel Olam
3: Ability to be a good spouse.February 3, 2011 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #741261twiggyMember
an understanding person.
a honest person.
a humble person.
and someone who will be a good father!!!!!!!!!!!!
and someone with a bit of humor!
enough said……February 3, 2011 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #741262OfcourseMember
Hey, I enjoy the Shidduch threads most! No one has to involve themselves in a Shidduch thread if they dont want to.
Midos, Midos, Midos, that encompasses it all. Everything else is secondary and will be long forgotten.February 3, 2011 6:29 pm at 6:29 pm #741263oomisParticipant
May ALL people who are looking for their proper shidduch, find them in record time.
I like the list that 1dayatatime posted; it is very much on par with what I want for my as yet unmarried children. I would add for my son, a girl who appreciates chazzonus, because he is VERY into it. He davens for the omud for the Yomim Noraim (among other times of the year), and it is very choshuv to him. His wife would have to be on board with hearing him practicing or even just listening to chazzanim, in the best of all worlds. If it were to irritate her, this would not be the best match for him. I would think that it would be nice for him if she had a nice singing voice, too. He also is extremely serious about working with the mentally disabled, both young and elderly, so it would help if she were in a similar or related field. She cannot be hesitant about his inviting one of “his kids” over to the house.
For my girls, they need men of good character and substance, who are gentlemen and gentle men. People who are slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Who will enjoy working in the kitchen with them, and enjoy parenting. My son-in-law is very much that type, and my daughter is blessed to have found such a wonderful man to bring into our family. B”H his family feels the same about her. And that is my final serious requirement and hope. That all my children will have in-laws who will love and value them as we do, and who will be a wonderful extension of our family. So far, so good.
In all cases, the spouses should complement each other well(compliments, are good, too), and be each other’s best support system. They should udnerstand the value of compromise, and know when compromise is not called-for. they should not take each other or their Yiddishkeit for granted. Above all, I pray that all my children will be zochim to build a bayi ne’eman b’Yisroel, filled with Torah, laughter, many children, and lots of love always. (And an occasional invite to dinner by them, wouldn’t hurt, either).February 3, 2011 6:40 pm at 6:40 pm #741264
“For my girls, they need men of good character and substance, who are gentlemen and gentle men. People who are slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Who will enjoy working in the kitchen with them, and enjoy parenting”
Sounds like someone I know……ME:)
ShmoozeFebruary 3, 2011 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #741265
Sounds like someone I know……ME:)
Modest too πFebruary 3, 2011 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #741266
Ofcourse: What type of good middos are musts, to you, and what type can be looked away from, although its surly nice if had.February 3, 2011 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #741267
oomis1105: You seem to have put in much thought and have the whole parsha crystallized. May you have lots of nachas from all your children, their spouses and grandkids.February 3, 2011 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #741268mytakeMember
So what is it about Shidduch threads that everyone finds so intriguing…? It’s like we’re always talking about stopping to talk about it.February 3, 2011 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #741269bptParticipant
I’m not in the market for a spouse, so this is strictly preference, not a prospectus:
Aside from all the standard stuff (erlichkiet, looking presentable, no criminal record, ect) the only thing I would insist on is a love of the outdoors.
She can go to the mall with her sister, her friends, her mother, her daughter / DIL, but with me, its gotta be outdoors.
Lucky for me, Mrs. is a fanFebruary 3, 2011 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #741271
You know they have outdoor malls, right? πFebruary 3, 2011 8:00 pm at 8:00 pm #741272bptParticipant
Like Woodbury commons? Puh-leeze.
If I’m going to exit 16, its to the back end of Harriman State Park, or the brothers in Monroe.
If I’m able to get away for 8 hours, I’m doing Shunnemunk Mtn, just northeast of KJ.
Outdoor malls. Yeah, right.February 3, 2011 8:04 pm at 8:04 pm #741273SacrilegeMember
Who’s ready for the list? π
Someone who is:
-taller than me!
-n’t selfish/self centered (very important to me)
-family oriented, but Independent(Mama’s Boys need not apply π
-a people person, and has a nice group of friends
-outgoing, well-spoken and has a good sense of humor!
-thought out and has short term and long term goals
-proud to be Jewish and Frum and wants their home to feel that excitement and pride
-sincere about his frumkeit, learns everyday and davens 3x a day w a minyan.February 3, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #741274gefenParticipant
1dayatatime – you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. you know what’s important and what is nonsense. I just have one question. When you say that “family is not very important” – do you mean that the yichus isn’t important, or that if the family is not perfect it’s ok — or do you mean that family is not important to you and you are not family oriented? just want to clarify what you meant.February 3, 2011 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #741275
gefen: Hey! Please no criticism on this thread. K?February 3, 2011 10:38 pm at 10:38 pm #741276sweetcookieMember
sacrilege, ur list is almost exactly mine!!!!!! question tho, when u say affectionate, i know what the word means, but when i say it, i mean something deeper, but i worry it may sound inappropriate- which is not in any way what i mean or what i value of stand for. is that what you mean, but feel you cant say it, sorta?
do you understand what i’m trying to say?
if not, don’t worry!February 3, 2011 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #741277aries2756Participant
As I ALWAYS say: You can change a person from the OUTSIDE in but not from the INSIDE out!
Look for a Lev Tov first and foremost followed by good midos, good charachter, good hygiene……February 3, 2011 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm #741278oomisParticipant
Sounds like someone I know……ME:)”
So how old ARE you….hmmm…? π
Truth be told, amein and thank you for your beautiful brochos. I have two married off, and three still waiting. Halevai we shpuld all see nachas from our families b’korov.February 3, 2011 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #741279observanteenMember
I think these are the qualities I’d want in my zivug:
Good middos (still working on mine to deserve that.)
These are a MUST.
Looks, family and money are all a BONUS.February 4, 2011 12:41 am at 12:41 am #741280
oomis: You’re welcome.
Mods: Can we set up 1dayatatime and jr. oomis?
I’m willing to split the shadchanusFebruary 4, 2011 12:48 am at 12:48 am #741281yummy cupcakeMember
yeah, i’m sweet cookie, but i changed my name, this is my new one. anyway, sac, please see my post above, which has my old username.February 4, 2011 12:51 am at 12:51 am #741282SacrilegeMember
If a Shadchan were to ask me what I am looking for, I would probably leave that off my list, but I mean it in the purist definition of the word.
My family, I love them to death, but they are emotion midgets. I need someone who is affectionate, I’m not embarrassed to say it.February 4, 2011 12:52 am at 12:52 am #741283cofeefanMember
Sacrilege- you have a great list! u really sound like u have ur priorities straight! can i “steal” some of urs and add them to my list too?!? i hope u get all you want and more!February 4, 2011 1:09 am at 1:09 am #741284s2021Member
i think i am looking for a puppy dog with a brain. who will wear the pants. πFebruary 4, 2011 1:33 am at 1:33 am #741286gefenParticipant
Truth Be Told – what are you talking about? what criticism did you see in my post?????????????February 4, 2011 4:09 am at 4:09 am #741287kapustaParticipant
Most of the other stuff is there once there are Middos.February 4, 2011 5:04 am at 5:04 am #741288HealthParticipant
I love the way the men and women here have lists, some are even long. I never had a list, maybe I should have had. One thing I’d like to point out -Did everyone first look in the mirror to make sure you each have that quality yourself before you demand it in a spouse? Somehow, I doubt it!February 4, 2011 5:10 am at 5:10 am #741289
I think most of the cr already knows what im looking for, four words, gorgeous rich football playerFebruary 4, 2011 5:42 am at 5:42 am #741290popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Not to sidetrack this thread, but do you think anyone davens three times a day with a minyan. I am lucky if I get 2! Mincha is hard to arrange, and maariv is almost impossible.February 4, 2011 5:48 am at 5:48 am #741292
Are you suggesting we look for people with the same faults as us?
Didn’t know rich was also on the list πFebruary 4, 2011 5:54 am at 5:54 am #741293
yup, but no worries im not so superficial, as u can see its not first on my list, but second…:))February 4, 2011 6:00 am at 6:00 am #741294
Lol gluck on your search. I haven’t seen too many frum ones around…February 4, 2011 6:04 am at 6:04 am #741295always hereParticipant
popa_bar_abba~ my husband goes out to daven with a minyan 3x a day, except when he goes to mincha/maariv together. add in the mikvah before shacharis, & a nightly shiur, 2 shiurim on Thurs. nite.
BUT- he’s retired, so I guess that changes the equation up a bit. πFebruary 4, 2011 6:05 am at 6:05 am #741296
ive actually dated a few, they dont need to be professional football players per say, just gotta have the look :)) problem is its hard to get the looks, money and the brains…February 4, 2011 6:06 am at 6:06 am #741297popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Yes, being retired does change things a bit.
When I was in yeshiva I also davened with a minyan three times a day.February 4, 2011 6:09 am at 6:09 am #741298
I’m not interested in money but I still want looks and brains. I’ve also dated a few but even though they scored quite high in the loks department, they didn’t in other areas which I couldn’t overlook. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could order a customized guy? πFebruary 4, 2011 6:12 am at 6:12 am #741299
i know, i was kidding, believe me i know money wont make a person happy…and u should know i have dated scrawny ugly guys, and i dont say no because of looks…only once i said no to a guy because he was oooooober nerdy. i know hashem already picked someone out for me, all i can do is daven rite?February 4, 2011 7:15 am at 7:15 am #741300HealthParticipant
Are you suggesting we look for people with the same faults as us?”
Not the same faults, but if you decided you want a certain quality, make sure you have it too. Making lists is not about writing down every human quality that exists, it’s about figuring out what your qualities are and wanting the same in a spouse.February 4, 2011 12:04 pm at 12:04 pm #741301eclipseMember
CSHAPIRO,It’s cute how you often use the term “football player”.
I have this image in my head that none of them can say a whole sentence!
Radio Man:So what would you attribute the team’s fantastic success to,?
Radio Man:Do you think the team spirit will carry over into the next seasen?
Football Player:Well yeah see that’s like the thing….um…we got some great guys….played some great games….y’know,um….February 4, 2011 1:06 pm at 1:06 pm #741302
You’re better than me. I have said no because of looks. I think it’s time to copy Sac and duck and run…
Obviously I would want my good qualities in a spouse but even if I realize a negative quality in myself I’m not goin to search for that.February 4, 2011 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #741303eclipseMember
OOPS!seasOn,with an “o”
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