What’you looking for?

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  • #594756

    Ok. Another shidduch thread here. A pleasant one though.

    What are the musts you feel you need in a girl or guy. For you, your son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter, brother or sister . So far as character, looks, family, money etc. Lets try to be specific. What type of middos, family, appearance.

    #741252
    1dayatatime
    Participant

    Simchas Hachayim

    Intelect

    Good heart, kindness,

    Middos- Doesn’t get angry easily

    Easy to talk to

    Attractiveness (to me, not anyone else)

    All in all, just a nice, good hearted person where we both feel that we can build a good life together

    And yes, there are hundreds of girls that have the character which I described- I just need to find her, the one for me, and then i’ll know, with H-shems help of course

    Not very important:

    Family

    Not Important at all

    Money

    Chicken VS vegetable soup friday night

    Plastic table cloths

    Stacking VS scraping

    Apples VS oranges

    Sushi VS Gefilte Fish

    Pizza VS Falafel

    Plastic VS China

    America VS China

    Shmooze

    Ein Tug

    #741253
    1dayatatime
    Participant

    I spend 10 minutes writing a post and you remove it? chutzpa

    #741254
    1dayatatime
    Participant

    Shkoiach:)

    #741255

    1dayatatime: Thanks for posting. I thought I hit off a real bummer.

    May you find her soon.

    #741256

    Not another shidduch thread πŸ™

    #741257
    dunno
    Member

    Not another shidduch thread πŸ™

    Lol they’re actually quite interesting!

    #741258
    cofeefan
    Member

    the most important thing for me is having a good heart! loyalty is also a BIG thing for me!

    someone that has good family values and will be a good father and husband!

    a sense of humor would be nice too!

    #741259
    1dayatatime
    Participant

    TBT

    Shkoiach, Amen

    #741260
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    1: Commitment to the Rebbono Shel Olam

    2: Flexibility.

    3: Ability to be a good spouse.

    #741261
    twiggy
    Member

    an understanding person.

    a honest person.

    a humble person.

    and someone who will be a good father!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and someone with a bit of humor!

    enough said……

    #741262
    Ofcourse
    Member

    Hey, I enjoy the Shidduch threads most! No one has to involve themselves in a Shidduch thread if they dont want to.

    My answer:

    Midos, Midos, Midos, that encompasses it all. Everything else is secondary and will be long forgotten.

    #741263
    oomis
    Participant

    May ALL people who are looking for their proper shidduch, find them in record time.

    I like the list that 1dayatatime posted; it is very much on par with what I want for my as yet unmarried children. I would add for my son, a girl who appreciates chazzonus, because he is VERY into it. He davens for the omud for the Yomim Noraim (among other times of the year), and it is very choshuv to him. His wife would have to be on board with hearing him practicing or even just listening to chazzanim, in the best of all worlds. If it were to irritate her, this would not be the best match for him. I would think that it would be nice for him if she had a nice singing voice, too. He also is extremely serious about working with the mentally disabled, both young and elderly, so it would help if she were in a similar or related field. She cannot be hesitant about his inviting one of “his kids” over to the house.

    For my girls, they need men of good character and substance, who are gentlemen and gentle men. People who are slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Who will enjoy working in the kitchen with them, and enjoy parenting. My son-in-law is very much that type, and my daughter is blessed to have found such a wonderful man to bring into our family. B”H his family feels the same about her. And that is my final serious requirement and hope. That all my children will have in-laws who will love and value them as we do, and who will be a wonderful extension of our family. So far, so good.

    In all cases, the spouses should complement each other well(compliments, are good, too), and be each other’s best support system. They should udnerstand the value of compromise, and know when compromise is not called-for. they should not take each other or their Yiddishkeit for granted. Above all, I pray that all my children will be zochim to build a bayi ne’eman b’Yisroel, filled with Torah, laughter, many children, and lots of love always. (And an occasional invite to dinner by them, wouldn’t hurt, either).

    #741264
    1dayatatime
    Participant

    oomis

    “For my girls, they need men of good character and substance, who are gentlemen and gentle men. People who are slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Who will enjoy working in the kitchen with them, and enjoy parenting”

    Sounds like someone I know……ME:)

    Shmooze

    #741265
    dunno
    Member

    1dayatatime

    Sounds like someone I know……ME:)

    Modest too πŸ™‚

    #741266

    Ofcourse: What type of good middos are musts, to you, and what type can be looked away from, although its surly nice if had.

    #741267

    oomis1105: You seem to have put in much thought and have the whole parsha crystallized. May you have lots of nachas from all your children, their spouses and grandkids.

    #741268
    mytake
    Member

    So what is it about Shidduch threads that everyone finds so intriguing…? It’s like we’re always talking about stopping to talk about it.

    #741269
    bpt
    Participant

    I’m not in the market for a spouse, so this is strictly preference, not a prospectus:

    Aside from all the standard stuff (erlichkiet, looking presentable, no criminal record, ect) the only thing I would insist on is a love of the outdoors.

    She can go to the mall with her sister, her friends, her mother, her daughter / DIL, but with me, its gotta be outdoors.

    Lucky for me, Mrs. is a fan

    #741271
    dunno
    Member

    bpt

    You know they have outdoor malls, right? πŸ™‚

    #741272
    bpt
    Participant

    “outdoor malls”

    Like Woodbury commons? Puh-leeze.

    If I’m going to exit 16, its to the back end of Harriman State Park, or the brothers in Monroe.

    If I’m able to get away for 8 hours, I’m doing Shunnemunk Mtn, just northeast of KJ.

    Outdoor malls. Yeah, right.

    #741273
    Sacrilege
    Member

    Who’s ready for the list? πŸ˜‰

    Someone who is:

    -taller than me!

    -a Mentsch

    -n’t selfish/self centered (very important to me)

    -family oriented, but Independent(Mama’s Boys need not apply πŸ˜‰

    -affectionate

    -a people person, and has a nice group of friends

    -outgoing, well-spoken and has a good sense of humor!

    -educated

    -thought out and has short term and long term goals

    -proud to be Jewish and Frum and wants their home to feel that excitement and pride

    -sincere about his frumkeit, learns everyday and davens 3x a day w a minyan.

    #741274
    gefen
    Participant

    1dayatatime – you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. you know what’s important and what is nonsense. I just have one question. When you say that “family is not very important” – do you mean that the yichus isn’t important, or that if the family is not perfect it’s ok — or do you mean that family is not important to you and you are not family oriented? just want to clarify what you meant.

    #741275

    gefen: Hey! Please no criticism on this thread. K?

    #741276
    sweetcookie
    Member

    sacrilege, ur list is almost exactly mine!!!!!! question tho, when u say affectionate, i know what the word means, but when i say it, i mean something deeper, but i worry it may sound inappropriate- which is not in any way what i mean or what i value of stand for. is that what you mean, but feel you cant say it, sorta?

    do you understand what i’m trying to say?

    if not, don’t worry!

    #741277
    aries2756
    Participant

    As I ALWAYS say: You can change a person from the OUTSIDE in but not from the INSIDE out!

    Look for a Lev Tov first and foremost followed by good midos, good charachter, good hygiene……

    #741278
    oomis
    Participant

    Sounds like someone I know……ME:)”

    So how old ARE you….hmmm…? πŸ˜‰

    Truth be told, amein and thank you for your beautiful brochos. I have two married off, and three still waiting. Halevai we shpuld all see nachas from our families b’korov.

    #741279
    observanteen
    Member

    I think these are the qualities I’d want in my zivug:

    Learning

    Yiras Shomayim

    Good middos (still working on mine to deserve that.)

    These are a MUST.

    Looks, family and money are all a BONUS.

    #741280

    oomis: You’re welcome.

    Mods: Can we set up 1dayatatime and jr. oomis?

    I’m willing to split the shadchanus

    #741281

    yeah, i’m sweet cookie, but i changed my name, this is my new one. anyway, sac, please see my post above, which has my old username.

    #741282
    Sacrilege
    Member

    sweetcookie

    If a Shadchan were to ask me what I am looking for, I would probably leave that off my list, but I mean it in the purist definition of the word.

    My family, I love them to death, but they are emotion midgets. I need someone who is affectionate, I’m not embarrassed to say it.

    #741283
    cofeefan
    Member

    Sacrilege- you have a great list! u really sound like u have ur priorities straight! can i “steal” some of urs and add them to my list too?!? i hope u get all you want and more!

    #741284
    s2021
    Member

    i think i am looking for a puppy dog with a brain. who will wear the pants. πŸ™‚

    #741286
    gefen
    Participant

    Truth Be Told – what are you talking about? what criticism did you see in my post?????????????

    #741287
    kapusta
    Participant

    Middos

    Middos

    Middos

    Most of the other stuff is there once there are Middos.

    *kapusta*

    #741288
    Health
    Participant

    I love the way the men and women here have lists, some are even long. I never had a list, maybe I should have had. One thing I’d like to point out -Did everyone first look in the mirror to make sure you each have that quality yourself before you demand it in a spouse? Somehow, I doubt it!

    #741289
    cshapiro
    Member

    I think most of the cr already knows what im looking for, four words, gorgeous rich football player

    #741290
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Sac:

    Not to sidetrack this thread, but do you think anyone davens three times a day with a minyan. I am lucky if I get 2! Mincha is hard to arrange, and maariv is almost impossible.

    #741292
    dunno
    Member

    Health

    Are you suggesting we look for people with the same faults as us?

    cshapiro

    Didn’t know rich was also on the list πŸ™‚

    #741293
    cshapiro
    Member

    yup, but no worries im not so superficial, as u can see its not first on my list, but second…:))

    #741294
    dunno
    Member

    Lol gluck on your search. I haven’t seen too many frum ones around…

    #741295
    always here
    Participant

    popa_bar_abba~ my husband goes out to daven with a minyan 3x a day, except when he goes to mincha/maariv together. add in the mikvah before shacharis, & a nightly shiur, 2 shiurim on Thurs. nite.

    BUT- he’s retired, so I guess that changes the equation up a bit. πŸ™‚

    #741296
    cshapiro
    Member

    ive actually dated a few, they dont need to be professional football players per say, just gotta have the look :)) problem is its hard to get the looks, money and the brains…

    #741297
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    always here:

    Yes, being retired does change things a bit.

    When I was in yeshiva I also davened with a minyan three times a day.

    #741298
    dunno
    Member

    I’m not interested in money but I still want looks and brains. I’ve also dated a few but even though they scored quite high in the loks department, they didn’t in other areas which I couldn’t overlook. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could order a customized guy? πŸ™‚

    #741299
    cshapiro
    Member

    i know, i was kidding, believe me i know money wont make a person happy…and u should know i have dated scrawny ugly guys, and i dont say no because of looks…only once i said no to a guy because he was oooooober nerdy. i know hashem already picked someone out for me, all i can do is daven rite?

    #741300
    Health
    Participant

    dunno -“Health

    Are you suggesting we look for people with the same faults as us?”

    Not the same faults, but if you decided you want a certain quality, make sure you have it too. Making lists is not about writing down every human quality that exists, it’s about figuring out what your qualities are and wanting the same in a spouse.

    #741301
    eclipse
    Member

    CSHAPIRO,It’s cute how you often use the term “football player”.

    I have this image in my head that none of them can say a whole sentence!

    Radio Man:So what would you attribute the team’s fantastic success to,?

    Football Player:(chuckle)

    Radio Man:Do you think the team spirit will carry over into the next seasen?

    Football Player:Well yeah see that’s like the thing….um…we got some great guys….played some great games….y’know,um….

    #741302
    dunno
    Member

    cshapiro

    You’re better than me. I have said no because of looks. I think it’s time to copy Sac and duck and run…

    Health

    Obviously I would want my good qualities in a spouse but even if I realize a negative quality in myself I’m not goin to search for that.

    #741303
    eclipse
    Member

    OOPS!seasOn,with an “o”

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