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my friend is going through something that i have no experience with and i want to help her but don’t know what to say! she says it’s a help to just listen to her vent etc but i feel like i need to do soemthing or say something! how do i help her?
When someone needs a listening ear, the person who provides that is worth more than anything. Even if it feels like you’re not doing anything to help her, by listening you are helping more than you can imagine. Outside of that if you want to help her, daven. Thats real stuff.
if she needs helping help in her house send her your big daughter to help.
Try looking for someone who does have experience in this field, and ask for advice. In any case, I think a listening ear’s a great chizuk. Try comforting your friend by telling him/her that this too will pass. Hatzlacha Rabba!!
If you are not an adult and this is one of those situations where you feel uneasy because the “secret” is something very serious and could be very damaging to your friend, and it feels over your head to deal with, it’s best to speak to an adult, either your parent or Rabbi, or a teacher you can confide in.
Being a good listener does not mean giving advice. Being a good listener means giving feedback such as “I can hear that, that sounds rough….I respect you for that….I admire you for being so honest……I appreciate what you are saying”
If she feels she has truly vented and sorted out her issue with someone who was actually listening to her, then she will feel much better and will have unburdened some of her pain. You can try encouraging her also by saying “how do you feel about that, will you be able to follow through on that, did you give that enough thought?…..” By doing so you are guiding her to be in control of her own situation.
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