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It’s on my mind because a 26 year old girl recently said no after 1 date because I don’t live with my parents (I’m 30).
BTW I get along with my parents just fine and drop in for meals and often come for Shabbos.
It seems to be the norm that singles live with their parents until they get married no matter how old they are.
A few thoughts:
It’s important to realize that every person has their own life and it can be incredibly difficult to live under their parents scrutiny day in and day out. As one Shadchan told me: “Just because the people who do it (live with parents) are Tzadikim, doesn’t mean that those who don’t aren’t Tzadikim”.
Interesting how when a 22 year old girl gets married and comes to her parents for Yom Tov, most parents understand that they shouldn’t interfere with her life and they weigh their criticism carefully. And at the same time they have no qualms about telling their 30 y/o daughter what to do or how to do it.
There are parents who are able to be non-overbearing but for the most part they can’t help themselves. They’ve been parenting their child for the last 20 years and it’s hard to switch that off now that s/he is an adult.
It’s probably less drastic for a boy to move out than a girl. Because usually the boy has been away in Yeshiva for years already whereas the girl other than seminary and camp has always been home.
I think there is something deeper behind all this. The over-babying of today’s generation. People need to grow up, and moving out of your parents home is a big part of your independence. This particular girl told me that her parents wouldn’t allow her to sleep at home alone when they were away. At 26!
Someone who sells phones told me they got a call from a mother about her 24 y/o daughter asking if the daughter got text on her plan. Listen up parents: You have until 18-21 to educate/control your child. After that it’s over. Whether you failed or succeeded is irrelevant. It’s out of your hands now.
You called her a girl. At 26!
My opinion is that a parent should give there child some space when they reach 19/20 , they’re old enough to make their own decisions at this age. Otherwise when will they ever grow up?
I see no reason a 30 year old single should be living with his/her parents
I think it was an avla on their part not to ask before you went out. They might be able to counter that it’s so unacceptable not to live at home that it would be like asking if you keep Shabbos – it’s just assumed. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Also, it’s just ludicrous. Maybe someone can speak to her?
You’re right about it being less drastic for a boy to move out than a girl.
Maybe you could send a message thru the shadchan that she could read your post?
ernsteyid: I doubt he feels like giving a prospective shidduch his identity on the Coffee Room.
The OP writes: “There are parents who are able to be non-overbearing but for the most part they can’t help themselves. They’ve been parenting their child for the last 20 years and it’s hard to switch that off now that s/he is an adult.”
My wife and I recently visited her 96-year-old mother who was in rehab. She reminded us to use the bathroom before we left for where we were staying.
Well, if she’s 96 (BAHara), she might think they were 9 or 6.
i think its healthier to move out
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