where do you come in in ur family?

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    i was just wondering about this this morning. i’ll start- i’m the oldest of three ka”h.


    Oldest of eleven.

    giggle girl

    i’m a middle child without the syndrome B”H!


    Oldest of five keneineh hara


    Second of six. The wife is 4th of 10.


    third of 4 but if you want to know where i fall on my family totem pole right on the bottom.


    I’m 2 of 9, k”h.


    i’m the oldest. Or the youngest. Or somewhere in between.

    seriously folks, this type of thread shouldn’t exist. There are people here who are either bored or creepy but they track all these personal details – a bit on this thread and another bit on that thread – and try to piece it all together to figure out who you are.

    Ask any of the old timers if I’m exaggerating or not.

    Queen Bee

    Smack in the middle of three. And every minute I am older than my sister 😛


    I am the father.


    Charlie, I don’t get it. So what if they know who I am?

    My name is in the phone book.

    My address is on my front door.


    2scents – it says “2scents” on your door and in the phone book?

    seriously though, if you are an adult and don’t care about your anonymity, thats fine.

    when it comes to teenagers online blowing their identity though, it could be dangerous. Also, if ppl say things online that they wouldn’t want people in real life to know about, it can cause issues.


    Im the 7th of 11 Ka”h!! LOVE my Big fam!!

    Charlie Brown-I dont write anything I wouldnt wanna tell ne1!!


    GumBall – Charlie is making a very good point. You might not care if anyone knows where you are in your family, but you probably don’t want everyone knowing your name and address, and you shouldn’t. Giving away this kind of information can help a bad person figure out who you are, because now he has more to work with.


    Charlie, your right. I didn’t think about teenagers.

    Gumball, I gather from your posts that your not an adult yet (sorry if I’m mistaking). Think about it this way, imagine your on the subway seated near a stranger. Would you give him ANY personal info? Of course not. Think of the web as a place where strangers are seated and are writing down each word your saying.


    i’m an only child and so is my husband. so we deprived out kids of aunts, uncles and first cousins. however, B”H we have a big extended family so my kids do have lots of relatives. we don’t stand on ceremony about 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins – once removed, or ten times removed. we’re all family and really close.


    yitayning and 2scents,

    thanks for agreeing and reinforcing what I said.


    ask your parents if its ok with them if you let people online figure out your name, address and which school you go to etc. They probably won’t be – even if you don’t post anything that you dont want anyone to know about. As friendly as you may get with other posters here, we are all actually strangers (like the people next to you on the subway in 2scents example). there are bad people out there and you gotta be careful.


    btw gumball, I just meant this for your safety but I apologize if I came across too much like a bossy adult. you probably come online to get away from those. 🙂


    charlie – i agree with you about not giving out personal info. but this thread is just about your place in your family. i don’t think that gets too personal. a stranger wouldn’t be able to figure anyone out from that.



    its the bits and pieces. In one thread its that you’re the X child in the family. In another its that my third sister got engaged last night … in another its your age…that your brother went to yeshiva xyz …. your sister is going to seminary xyz this year… you went to camp xyz for the past 4 summers….

    Add it all up and an identity can be blown. It has happened here.

    Also, remember that kids are more trusting and give info easier. You know how on your birthday thread you kept refusing to give your age? I bet most teens would have given in and revealed their age to someone who was so persistent.

    You have said that your kids post here – just be aware that there are creepy people even on a site like this one and watch their backs.


    So we can’t say anything about school or family???



    if you need to do it, keep it vague.

    “my sister got engaged recently” is much better than “yay, I’m going to Flatbush tonight for my sister’s vort”.

    “Someone I know went to yeshiva xyz” is better than “my oldest brother went”.

    With school, if you say that you’re nervous about midterms, no big deal – all schools have midterms. But if you say your school was just evacuated by the bomb squad, then you’ve just announced which school you go to – it will be in the news. This example actually happened here once a few years back. (I don’t remember if it was a bomb squad or whatever, but something about a school was in the news soon after someone posted that it just happened in their school. And yes, their identity was uncovered based on that together with other bits and pieces of personal info).

    I’m not a posek but I would think that bending the truth a bit is ok, to throw someone off. If you don’t really have any aunts but talk about how much you enjoyed your aunt’s wedding, it could throw someone off you trail. Popa can probably give lessons on that. 🙂


    OMG thanx so much all of you!! I didnt think of that!! And thanx all of you 4 caring about my safety!! Im seriouse!! Your such nice ppl!! thanx!!I will be moree careful next time IyH!!

    YW Moderator-72

    you’re a good man Charlie Brown and your advice is right on target as usual.

    Another point – there are many people reading here that never post – so although you may trust those that you think you know on the boards – there may be stalkers trying to figure out who you are.


    I’m gonna say that it’s really okay to say which place you are in your family. I mean, just because Gumball told us that she is the 7th of 11, I know who she is right away? I don’t!!! In my opinion, it doesn’t matter. So i’m gonna say i’m that youngest of 7 ky”h.


    hEY!! Me too, youngest of seven. i luv it but it gets lonely sometimes bieng the only 1 home…

    am yisrael chai

    Sorry for not getting this ,and I’m not into paranoia-

    One could open up any phone book to get names and addresses, or check it up online.

    No one is offering birthdates and social security numbers.

    There’s not much one can do knowing which school you are attending.

    Or attended.

    Or camp, for that matter.


    what are you trying to say AYC? do you mean that you dont mind telling us your place in ur family?


    Oldest of 11


    AYC, I raised that point already, Charlie had a great point to which I fully agree.

    Take a moment and read through the previous posts.

    am yisrael chai

    I have read the previous posts, apologize if I’m being obtuse, but it’s not at all the same as sitting near a passenger on the train who can identify you and follow you.

    I see it as you had originally.


    Where do I come in, in my family? I really don’t know. My children just accept me. Just like that!


    In defense of Charlie: Someone who has already commented on this thread once challenged me to identify who she was. In a matter of 10 minutes I had her pegged, with enough scary detail that would spook you. And that was only from info culled from her comments in the coffeeroom. I posted my process on her, (you lived here before, now you live there, you have so may kids, genders and ages, you come from here, your husband is from there, you had this illness last year, etc) and thankfully, the mod did not let it through.

    I have already given away so much about myself on other threads, that anyone who cares (I’m sure there aren’t too many that do) can identify me in a couple of minutes. But I’m a big boy, and I can handle any heat generated back to me from anything I’ve ever said here.

    But for the teenage crowd, gumball and others, they don’t really understand the big bad world out there, and what people with not-so-kosher motives can do with personal info. I would agree with CB et al that shtika adif.

    🍫Syag Lchochma

    I don’t think knowing who you are online is the problem as much as having someone who may not be safe try to approach you. I would worry about my teenagers being approached in email or otherwise by someone posing as a CR friend. It’s that false sense of familiarity that can be dangerous because kids will let their guard down for a ‘friend’.

    🍫Syag Lchochma

    Oh, and I grew up 3rd of 6.


    Syag Lchochma – that’s exactly what I meant when I wrote above when it comes to teenagers online blowing their identity though, it could be dangerous. Thanks for being clearer about it than I was.

    mod72 – great to hear from you and thanks! Can I get you some coffee with 1% sugar and no milk?

    midwesterner – thanks for backing me up!

    gumball – you’re very welcome!

    supergirl and AYC – Syag said it more clearly than me. Do you agree now?

    zeeskite LOL, and welcome back


    Just remember that this is a public site and anybody can get info from here just by searching on google. It’s a scary world out there.

    am yisrael chai


    We’ll just agree to disagree.

    There’s modding here, and I don’t see how teens will be approached negatively here.

    Even if we know which yeshiva a brother attended.

    Aishes Chayil

    I once heard a very significant vort:

    ‘If a relationship is supposed to be a secret, you shouldnt be in it!’

    YES, I obviously use a screen name.However, if anyone should ever figure out my identity, its not as if I stole, murdered, or commiteed any other major offense that would put me to shame.

    If posters think that it would be devastating to blow their cover, why actually are they posting?

    YW Moderator-42

    It’s not about hiding any wrongdoing, the problem we are worried about here is people being figured out by creepy people. If a random stranger would come up to you on the street and start asking personal questions about your daughter, would you answer them, or would you run away as fast as you can? Keep in mind that this is a public forum that can be read by anybody.

    am yisrael chai

    there’s a BIG difference being approached in person.

    There’s not much even a “creep” could do here knowing a sn’s brother’s school he attended.

    YW Moderator-42

    True Joseph, there is a BIG difference, but here it is much worse. There you can run away and hope the guy never finds you again. Here, on a public forum, everything you say is there for the creep to read and re-read until he pieces together everything he can about you.


    am yisrael chai


    wow, calling people names immediately after davening to wipe your slate clean, absolutely mortifying…

    Why don’t we discuss this the respectful way by challenging views without disparaging the person


    am yisrael chai: what did you do to deserve that?


    Im the youngest of a large family K”H.


    Since Avraham Avinu’s bracha has been fulfilled, I’m not quite sure where I come in, in the family, numberwise. If I would start trying to figure it out I think I’d lose count… although, I think I am safe to say (in more ways than one..LOL:) that I’m a Yisrael.


    Im from shevet Yehuda!! O Yea!! Hope u wont be able 2 find out who I am with tht piece of info!!LOL!! 😉 Dovid Hamelech is my grand daddy!!

    am yisrael chai


    “Dovid Hamelech is my grand daddy!!”

    Then we’re cousins! Just don’t ask me how many times removed…


    “am yisrael chai: what did you do to deserve that?”

    Nothing. I had the audacity to have a different opinion than 42…


    “And considering that you are one of the creeps we are referring to you should know very well what we are talking about…”

    Stooping to call posters derogatory names is not acceptable and falls under the category of onaas dvorim, a very serious misdeed.

    This is an abuse of your position as mod and inciting. Your post demonstrates that mods may need to be modded as well.

    My LOR relates that it is a serious aveira and mechila is needed.

    You may wish to speak to your LOR as well.


    i’m in the 4th out of 5 🙂


    i was thinking it reallly makes a diff where you are in your family. Like i know 2 boys who are the same age and totally different! one’s the youngest of 5 , and one’s the oldest of i think 7, and it’s the funniest thing to see how different they are ! one 9 yr old would cry all the time and the other would act soo mature!

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