Which Do You Think Is More Effective?

Home Forums Shidduchim Which Do You Think Is More Effective?

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  • #596635

    s2021
    Member

    It is in the beginning of a relationship.

    Guy does something chivalrous for girl. (Holds open the door, walks her to the door, carrys her packages…)

    A- She always thanks him profusely to show appreciation and encourage it to continue.

    B- She does not make it into a big deal that he treats her special to show him that she certainly deserves and expects it.

    #764014

    bpt
    Participant

    Option A – He is trying his best, and it should be noted

    #764015

    aries2756
    Participant

    Is is always more effective to show appreciation. It is not necessary to go over the top, but acknowledging appreciation goes along way.

    #764016

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Is this a trick question?

    #764017

    Clairvoyant
    Member

    How can this even be a question?? In “B” she is being boorish and self-centered. Any guy with even half a brain would dump her before she got home.

    #764018

    eclipse
    Member

    I’d say thank you with an upbeat tone.

    Profuse thanks is too much.

    #764019

    boredinoffice
    Participant

    A – thank him. He is doing you a favor

    I am not sure why a women would think she deserves to have the door held open for her. it may be proper but it has to be earned.

    #764020

    stickynote
    Member

    Why are all the new posts multiple choice questions about dating???

    #764021

    always here
    Participant

    definitely say thank you w/ a smile to show appreciation; but you don’t havta gush profusely.

    #764022

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    Correct me if I’m wrong, I think OP’s really some guy trying to put women in a REAL bad light. Always with the “what can I get out of him” mindset. “Encourage it to continue” “Deserve it” “Expects it”

    It does not conform to the regular mentality of girls seeking shiduchim. Sorry. Most girls are not SOOO selfish.

    #764023

    s2021
    Member

    K Let me expand on what I was thinking but didnt quite write up:

    Duz anyone notice that the person who is soooo thankfull sometimes gives off the impression of having a lower self esteem?

    Isnt there a concept of playing “hard to get” or “high maintenence” that really works on some guys?

    #764024

    Clairvoyant
    Member

    Isnt there a concept of playing “hard to get” or “high maintenence” that really works on some guys?

    That kind of boorishness works of fellow boors.

    #764025

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    s2021: Please allow me to leave my world of ZeesKite for a moment, (take off my mask & kid gloves).

    IMHO (I forgot, I’m temporarily not ZeesKite, shouldn’t have mentioned ‘humble’), if you treat a husband like a dog, he’ll bite. Hard. Something like ‘get up’, ‘go here’, (‘open the door for me’, ‘go to the basement for me’), I’ll give you a bone (compliment) for it. Sorry, men see through. Any man worth anything will resent being pulled by his ears. A woman is certainly not master over her husband ‘I changed him forever’. Trying to manipulate him through ANY WHICH WAY is meaningless. Most are smarter.

    But who cares? Let’s get to the main point. Going into a relationship upside-down, with selfish attitudes of ‘..that really works on some guys..’ is a recipe for failure. How can I secure the maximum out of him? – No. Marriage is all about GIVING. The attitude of the question is so unZeesKite. It takes maturity. Sorry. Kindly be mochel if I caused any pain.

    Let me go back into my ZeesKite. Hi! Anything’s happening here?

    #764026

    mosherose
    Member

    “Guy does something chivalrous for girl. (Holds open the door, walks her to the door, carrys her packages…)”

    Thats the sort of thing that shows that goyish culture has crept into the Torah wurld. Men shouldnot be acting chilvirous for women. chivalry is not the Torah way.

    #764027

    s2021
    Member

    Zees-

    whooooaa..

    thats alot of judgement

    But I guess I kinda set myself up for that.. 🙂

    Try using ur imagination.. Would only someone with those motives be asking such a question?

    Perhaps I simply observed something and wanted to hear thoughts from a large group of very differnt people…?

    #764028

    cshapiro
    Member

    i see what ur saying….like if someone gives u something and u thank them over and over and show how overly appreciative you are that they brought u a cup of water…it can seem akward…

    #764029

    hanib
    Participant

    s2021 – may be true; but if you’re looking for a mentch, i’d imagine that he’d appreciate a mentchess. if you’re looking for some kind of cool, but not mentch guy – he might like that if you act like a princess snob.

    so, i guess it depends on what kind of guy you want to attract. 🙂

    #764030

    s2021
    Member

    Oy.

    Who said anything about me?

    Wer talking about “guy” and “girl”

    #764031

    adorable
    Participant

    I think she should just thank him nicely and move on. I dont think it shows something nice about her if she just ignores it and does not say anything….why did she earn it? But why would you rave for hours? just say thank you so much and move on. whats the issue?

    #764032

    hanib
    Participant

    oops. sorry.

    #764033

    TikkunHatzot
    Member

    “Is this a trick question?”

    I think it is, since a man isn’t suppose to be holding the door for a woman he isn’t married to.

    #764034

    HAKOL TOV
    Member

    whatever happened to manners?? of course you tell him a polite thank you!!

    #764035

    boredinoffice
    Participant

    well said zeeskite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    As I man, I can tell you that you are 100% right

    #764036

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    HAKOL TOV: Obviously there’s a terrible lack of good midos prevalent. Mommy didn’t teach them all!

    boredinoffice: I wasn’t the real me, if you recall I wrote I temporarily left my ZeesKite to ward off a Midos attack. (“midos alert”)

    #764037

    boredinoffice
    Participant

    then I dont like the real you :-).

    What you said is correct though in reality and you bring a valid point to the table as well as to the OP

    #764038

    s2021
    Member

    ZK:

    midos alert. Now thats not a very nice thing to say. (Has ur Mommy ever told you that?)

    Aside from the apparent lack of Middos girl B showed in the OP not one person thought it was correct.

    To me thats an obvious sign of middos.

    If u want to analyze and discuss the post thats fine, but judging and speaking negatively about another poster is a pretty bad middah.

    #764039

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    s2021: I can’t fully understand what you wrote, but I’m not in the least C”V judging another poster. It is totally on the issues, not on any specific person. I did not write to -YOU- only to the idealism written. (‘Midos alert’ is from midos machine, thought you knew that, didn’t think anyone would be hurt by that.)

    Slichah, if you took it to heart. (Mommy taught me to apologize.)

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