Which one is a greater Chessed?

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    a lady who always invited guests had a medical issue, and for a while didnt invite – it was way too stressful for her.

    Now when she feels better, my feeling is she still needs to take it easy, but as you can imagine, baalei chessed find it hard to stop, so she is making calls again to invite.

    Would it be a Chessed NOT to go? I would love for her to take it easy and take a long break.


    Also, if someone at a shiur says :”I want to give you my phone number” (which means “lets be friends”), and I have no intention of calling, should I take the number (make them feel good for now), or better not take it so no misleading expectations?


    Don’t just say no, that will make her feel insulted. Rather explain why you are saying no.


    Reminds me of the situation with Avraham Avinu when he was in pain after his bris.


    Regarding the first question, although you are making her happy by coming, worrying for her health definitely comes first. I wonder, though, what you gain by not going. Wouldn’t she go on to invite others instead?

    The Buzz

    You should find a Rabbi to talk to. Good luck!


    In the first case, I would tell her…

    “I am so happy that you’re feeling better and want to resume inviting guests, AND I would truly love to come, as I have in the past, BUT, I really feel you’re going a bit too fast. I would feel too guilty to be causing you to do the preparations for my visit, when I think you should slow down and take some more time to recuperate. In a month from now I hope you’ll ask me again.”

    In the second case I would definitely take the number so as not to insult the person, and if you don’t want to call, don’t.

    If they ask at a later date, why you didn’t call, you can always claim to have been very busy or whatever.


    I would def take the phone number but would politely mention that I’m not sure if I would be calling right away but will keep the number for future


    I would accept an invitation but insist that I help or bring something. Then make myself useful by coming early to help and then help to serve and clean up. I would also say that I am no longer a “guest” but a good friend or extended family so I feel quite at home here, and must show my hakaros hatov by doing my share. Of course that is in lieu of the hostess having prepared extra help herself.

    As far as taking someone’s phone number, be gracious and take the number. Then say, that is very generous of you. I will do my best to keep in touch, I have a very full schedule and am not very good at adding new friends at this time.

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