September 3, 2012 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #894944HealthParticipant
The little I know – “Health: I have nothing but disgrace for molesters. I have worked to stop the defending of molesters and the bashing of victims. I agree with most of your comment, but you ruined it in the last line. You suggested that had the authorities been involved back then, the victim would have his closure and be over the trauma. This is a baseless comment. The victim continues to suffer the effects of trauma whether the perpetrator is free or behind bars. The reason to incarcerate has nothing to do with the victim’s psyche. I suggest you inquire of mental health clinicians who have experience in this area. It just ain’t true. There is a real reason to lock them up. To protect society. That’s it. Not revenge, not benefit for the victim, not rehabilitation. None of these work. Just protect the community from any further acts of abuse. Please get off this kick about closure. It sounds like you really care for victims, and that’s wonderful, but don’t fool yourself into believing that this has any therapeutic effect.”
I never said locking up the Perp gets the victim closure. What I am pretty sure about is these victims end up with PTSD. Having the perp punished and along with therapy -the victim can have closure. I hope you realize having a memory of something -doesn’t mean you can’t have closure.
If you’re saying you can never get over PTSD -then prove it!September 3, 2012 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #894945ToiParticipant
This is the scariest, most emotionally-charged thread i’ve ever read. people need to step back and leave this to people who are trained and qualified to deal with it. our hate for people will not fix things.September 3, 2012 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #894946The little I knowParticipant
The benefits of therapy cannot be minimized. Some get closure this way. I do not knock professional interventions. Some people keep repeating the need for the perp to be locked up (which is good for society) as a benefit to the victim. Research indicates this has no effect.September 3, 2012 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #894947YehudahTzviParticipant
daniela: He had asked specifically to help “watch” the little ones in the shul. This took place during kiddush in a “kids room” that was supposed to be cleared by the shul and locked. The family did not just let their kids run wild without supervision. The molester, according to the PA, was predatory and planned this well in advance.September 3, 2012 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #894948🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
Toi – I agree with you about it being scary. I am not sure hate is the issue. I don’t hate these predators, I just want them away from potential victims (and yes, I have tremendous anger that I have to learn to deal with).
We certainly need to leave the decision making to the qualified and trained people, but the discussion on this thread (I thought) was about how the rest of us were to respond. Do we invite him for lunch? Do we look the other way when we see a dangerous person heading to a school yard? Do we disregard the changes we notice in our neighbors kid that point to abuse? You are 100% correct that we cannot make takanas or paskin, but many of us are/can be responsible for letting victims be victimized when we could have helped them, or stepping in at the right time to prevent it.
The sad truth is that at this time there is no indication that child molesters ever recover. I think I heard that the truck driver who snuck into the chasidish camp this summer was actually already on the hormone decreasing chemicals.September 4, 2012 1:12 pm at 1:12 pm #894949Yiddishe KupMember
While many of you think he must have been abused himself, it’s possible it’s the internet that is the blame for this terrible act.September 4, 2012 6:31 pm at 6:31 pm #894950Rav TuvParticipant
Y”K- No I think he is to blame. The i-net didn’t do those horrific things to the little girl. Why blame it. Do you blame cars for traffic fatalities? Lightening for electrocutions?
water for drownings? no..humans and human behavior is to blame.September 4, 2012 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #894951The little I knowParticipant
It’s high time that we absorb enough intellect to make such infantile and irresponsible statements. If someone slips and falls, is it because of the internet? If someone is slicing an onion and nicks her finger, is it blamed on the internet? Foolish! Yes, the internet presents many serious challenges. This issue was addressed in the Asifa at Citifields. What on earth does molestation have to do with internet – except serving as a place to spread stories, rumors, and make a colossal chilul Hashem?
Child abuse, all forms, existed long before electricity, let alone the digital age. So did almost every other community problem. Get your head away from the keyboard. The abuser may have many reasons why he behaves this way. Stop looking to generalize anything. And until you evaluate him and go through his history, you can not possible have any idea why he is this way. Go back to sleep.September 5, 2012 3:07 am at 3:07 am #894952aries2756Participant
“He had asked specifically to help “watch” the little ones in the shul. This took place during kiddush in a “kids room” that was supposed to be cleared by the shul and locked. The family did not just let their kids run wild without supervision. The molester, according to the PA, was predatory and planned this well in advance.”
And so Yehuda Tzvi, I am going to ask the very tough questions here. WHO is taking responsibility for this???? “He asked to “help” watch the little ones” and no one thought that odd?
“a “kids room” that was supposed to be cleared by the shul and locked.” And WHY WASN’T IT?
“The family did not just let their kids run wild without supervision.” Are you kidding me? With all the information available about safety and how to protect your kids, never leave them alone with anyone even a frum person, why would the family allow their six year old little girl to be alone with a 15 year old boy?
There is enough blame and guilt to go around here and the parents have the right to sue the shul here as well. EVERYONE did EVERYTHING WRONG HERE!!! Doesn’t anyone have common sense here? Who did he ask to “help watch the little kids”?, who approved of this arrangement? who did not lock the door? who was supposed to supervise him and the little kids? Where were the other little kids? Everyone involved here needs to have their heads examined and that is what makes this whole scenario so horrific. Why was everyone’s head in the sand???? Anyone could have prevented this!!!
This is even more sickening than before. How could an entire group of adults be so clueless and so stupid? No wonder you are so angry, but you are angry at the wrong person. Yes the teen molester has huge blame here on his shoulders but so do all the adults here who missed the warning signals and NEGLECTED to keep that child safe. SHAME on ALL OF THEM!!!!!
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