Who are the Quiet Girls Supposed To Marry?

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  • #897389
    ronrsr
    Member

    <<Oh well… I wonder what circle of the netherworld I’m going to go to because I allowed Eeees to speak to me first…>>>

    Probably the fourth or fifth circle, would be my guess.

    And, what about the quiet guys? In some cases, if the girl doesn’t speak first, no talking will be done.

    #897390
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Probably the fourth or fifth circle, would be my guess.

    That high? Wow! I was certain it was the ninth or deeper. 🙂

    The Wolf

    #897391
    Mrs. Doubtfire
    Participant

    “No one has yet answered *why* it’s disrespectful for the girl to start talking first.

    The Wolf “

    I can’t answer that. I was nervous that there would be an awkward silence and so I started talking before my husband had even a second to collect himself. And I’m so not the yabbermouth person. I was just nervous. Never even heard that the boy starts first.

    #897392
    smartcookie
    Member

    And what is wrong with a moment silence. You don’t need to speak every second. Take a minute to think. After all, you’re two new people that are TRYING to find what to talk about to each others!! If only people would learn to act like their honest self on dates…

    #897393
    Mrs. Doubtfire
    Participant

    I’m not implying that there is anything wrong with a moment’s silence. That was just my nervous self. It’s always good to think before you talk. Just to put you at ease so you can sleep tonite – have no fear. My husband and I ARE on speaking terms b”H.

    #897394
    smartcookie
    Member

    Oh I believe you!! I’ve had quite a few of those awkward silent moments when we couldn’t find what to say(and neither of us is too quiet).

    Now the problem is that we don’t have the time to talk!!!

    #897395
    volvie
    Member

    Quiet time is normal and to be expected (and cherished.)

    #897396
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    Volvie: On dates? I know it’s normal, but they don’t call them “awkward” silences for nothing.

    #897397
    boredstiff
    Participant

    its one thing if its a comfortable silence,but if its awkward every time- it probably aint the one!

    #897398
    anuran
    Participant

    So girl’s should be more outgoing and vivacious.

    But she’s disrespectful if she speaks before being spoken to.

    She’s got poor shidduch prospects if she’s “quiet”.

    But she has the most to lose in the ongoing crisis if she steps out of line.

    No matter what she does, she’s in trouble unless she’s a mind reader.

    #897399
    mybat
    Member

    If you have comfortable silences on dates its probably a very good sign!

    #897400
    volvie
    Member

    mybat: Exactly.

    #897401
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    “If you have comfortable silences on dates its probably a very good sign!”

    How do you know if a silence is comfortable or awkward? This may sound like a weird question, but I’m serious. I’ve been told that if you feel comfortable or awkward, your date probably feels the same way. I know that I have ruined some comfortable silences before by trying to force conversation b/c I thought my date might not be comfortable with the silence. So my question is, is it worse to have awkward silences or to force conversation possibly ruining a comfortable silence?

    #897402
    mybat
    Member

    Boredjewishguy

    If you don’t feel awkward during the silence, your date probably doesn’t feel awkward either so don’t force conversation but you can say something to break the silence if you feel uncomfortable.

    #897403
    smartcookie
    Member

    MYBAT- I disagree with you. A date is not supposed to have comfortable silence. That would mean that the boy and girl are becoming a bit too comfortable with each others. At this stage (while dating), they shouldn’t become so comfortable with each others that silence should feel normal. I just don’t think it’s right.

    Another thing, what do you say to discussing the silence? Like, I hope you don’t mind the silence but its ok with me if me don’t speak every second…I think that would make both of them feel comfortable with the silence.

    #897404
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    smartcookie: I disagree with you. They are dating to get married, they absolutely should be comfortable with each other (way) before they get married. Personally I think it’s normal to be that comfortable with silence after just a couple of dates and even on a first date you don’t have to be talking the whole time, even though the silence is awkward. I have discussed the silence with a date before and it did make me feel more comfortable.

    #897405
    smartcookie
    Member

    True, while dating you are definitely supposed to have some comfortability, but so comfortable that silence should feel absolutely normal? Hhhmmm. I guess it depends on individuals.

    Funny that you also discussed the silence.I thought I was the only crazy one.

    #897406
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    smartcookie: Personally I don’t think silence being comfortable or normal really requires that much closeness. Even if it did, I would think you should be that close before getting married. I guess it really depends on your dating style. You’re definitely not the only crazy one, talking about silence doesn’t even seem that crazy to me.

    #897407
    volvie
    Member

    You’re definitely not the only crazy one

    Not the only crazy one?

    #897408
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    “Not the only crazy one?”

    Volvie, what’s the question, she said she was crazy, I’m not gonna call her a liar. There must be other things she does that make her “crazy”.

    #897409
    smartcookie
    Member

    Hey…is that me you guys are talkin’ about? Hhhmmm….

    #897410
    boredjewishguy
    Participant

    “Hey…is that me you guys are talkin’ about? Hhhmmm….”

    Well, you are the one who said you’re crazy…

    #897411
    volvie
    Member

    Naaaaa…

    #897412
    Richie Rich
    Member

    Perhaps the ‘already kind of shy’ guys that go on a date with really shy girls think “she’s not into me at all”. And if she’s not really “shy” but merely quiet, than what was the purpose of going out in the first place, to sit and look at each other. I think to a degree loud people are correct that shy people (not being used as blanket term for all quiet people) need to get over themselves and their self-consciousness (I am one of these) but in the same breathe loud/outgoing/talkative people need to shut up sometimes and ask questions and wait for an answer, and you’ll find that the quiet and sometime even the shy, will begin to open up to you. It’s all about how comfortable they feel.

    Also I share this story. There was a guy, good buddy of mine, that is really outgoing/easygoing/flirty/talkative even has a few ideas he likes to push… unfortunately even loud “in your face girls” can eventually see past the skewed perspectives. Sometime it’s those quiet introspective souls that have the insights and thoughts that really stir you. If in addition they can also be relaxed and have a good time with you, not take themselves too seriously, then bang…you have yourself a match.

    Quietness does not mean depth however, nor does loudness make a person shallow. But we’ve misinterpreted the terms shy, shameless, introvert, extrovert, soft-spoken, loud, and grouped some of them together unfairly.

    #897413
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Just cuz someone is shy on their date does not mean they are ussyally like that….maybe they are worried about something or maybe its one of their first dates with that type of personality…..you never know….

    My friend moved to Israel recently and her daughter is very shy with the girls in her class, but before she moved she was a popular and outgoing girl…….you just never know

    #897414
    wallflower
    Participant

    <<nothing against quiet people, but if you happen to be quiet, make urself more outgoing! we all have those things that wer not so good at and that’s what life is all about – we have to make ourselves normal.>>

    If you happen to be outgoing, why don’t you make yourself more introverted, since, clearly, you are not so good at being quiet! It might be hard for you to change the personality God gave you, but hey, life’s all about becoming normal!

    #897415
    youngbubby
    Member

    azoi.is: My friend’s son is specifically looking for a quieter girl, he is quieter himself and feels overwhelmed by louder girls. If you would like to contact me, is there a way to that out of the cr?

    #897416
    Curiosity
    Participant

    As a guy, I can’t identify myself as neither quiet nor talkative. Sometimes I’m in a talking mood, and sometimes I’m not. I often would rather not be in the center of group conversations, and I prefer to listen as opposed to talk, unless it’s a topic I feel very strongly about. Nonetheless, if nobody is talking I like to break the ice. Sometimes people like myself get labeled as “quiet”, just because we don’t always want to partake in conversations and aren’t consistently verbal in all situations. That’s not a fair or honest label.

    Besides, “quiet” is a misleading adjective. I would want to find myself a girl who isn’t loud – in the plain sense of the word – but does have a pleasant and playful personality and a developed sense of humor. I want someone who loves to laugh as much as I do, even if she isn’t always the life of every single party. Just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they should be boring. Quietness is a personality trait, but being boring is a dilemma. People who are dating should develop their own personality, even if they don’t necessarily stop being “quiet.” Nobody wants to be married to a boring person, and that goes both ways. “Chemistry” does play a role in who finds whom boring/fun, but there needs to be something there for the chemistry to build off of.

    I used to be super-shy when I was a kid, but I overcame that, and I find that it’s helped me in countless ways. Someone is allowed to be quiet, but that doesn’t mean they should be overly shy and impossible to hold a conversation with or have fun with.

    #897417
    24
    Participant

    i am the same, im not a loud girl but enjoy laughing and having a good time and sometimes i like being quiet. quiet girls who didnt find their bashert its because their time hasnt come yet or they didnt meet the right one yet but quiet is not a negative thing, its a personnality.,

    #897418
    RABBAIM
    Participant

    Still waters run deep…… deep bacurim will find still waters attractive……. package the maalos……… shadchanim need to be “salesman” because many don’t really know what is right for them

    #897419
    superstar
    Member

    Quiet shouldnt necessarily marry quiet and vise versa. With my parents my dad is quieter and my mom is more outgoing and they like it that way. When two outgoing people talk they fight over ruling the conversation. So sometimes guys might think they like loud girls, but realy they dont. Also there is a big difference between being shy, quiet, and not talking.

    #897420
    iced
    Member

    Could it work if a shy guy married a quiet girl?

    #897421
    YW Band
    Member

    Of course…they”ll have quiet kids! That would be great-less crying & screaming!

    #897422
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Look, the two year old threads are also ridiculous. There is no such problem. Unless we are using quiet as a euphemism for something else.

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