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what’s proper protocol when dating OOT? if the girl lives OOT, and the guy is in town, (and vice versa) who goes to who? and when do you “switch” ( ex. if the guy flies to OOT, when does the girl fly to where he lives)
If the guy is in yeshiva, the girl goes to the guy (regardless of who lives where) in order to minimize bitul Torah. If the guy is not in yeshiva, I’m not sure.
The OOT girls come in most of the time, because otherwise nobody would agree to go out with them.
My opinion: The guy should always go to the girl’s location. Do whatever possible to make the girl more comfortable.
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Usually first time at least, the boy goes to the girl. In some cases afterwards they alternate, or the girl goes to the boy for most of the rest of the dates.
This is always a funny question. For each person “THEY” are in town and the other is “OOT”. It is appropriate for a boy to go meet the girl and her parents the first time if possible. Many families make different accommodations depending on the ages of the “daters” involved. There really are no rules, you do what works out best for the couple. If you start with What the Rules are, you are starting off on the wrong foot and not giving the shidduch the importance it deserves. Try to work things out according to what works best for both.
There are times when out of town girls come to New York and set up a few dates through Shadchanim.
In general, I think that a guy should go to the girl. I would not allow my daughter to go to the guy. If he doesn’t value or respect her enough to come to her the first time, he will never respect her after they get married.
When a guy is ready to get married, he should be able to tear himself away from Yeshiva long enough to meet a girl. After all, getting married is also a Mitzvah, isn’t it? Or because of Bitul Torah, should they have the date in the Bais Hamidrash?
Dear moderators,
Could you please change the title of this thread to “Who goes to whom?” It would make me very happy.
Thank you.
DY, what if the girl is in town?
Then she doesn’t need to make a special trip.
Vhu yimshol Bach. She must go to him
mosherose- are they allowed to even go out? isnt that conversing for no reason and I think it can lead to such tumah…..
Seems like another instance where common sense/courtesy should dictate the decision but instead it’s being made a big deal over and acts as a hinderance to shiduchim being pursued.
*writes down reason number number 2384 that the shidduch crisis is self imposed*
Nice, adorable. I was thinking about saying something along those lines to him… I don’t know if it’s even worth saying, but I think it would be beneficial for mosherose to re-evaluate himself and his ideals a little before he thinks about getting married. Or is everything he says really just a joke, and I am therefore wasting my time?
I dont know for sure but I can not fathom that he really believes everything that he thinks. i’m not sure though. maybe hes really messed up.
adorable-
He obviously agrees that people can go out.
Looking at each other ==>is a different story<==.
All i know is that its the same people that say the boy should go OOT to the girl, that complain that boys don’t want to go out with OOT girls.
All i know is that its the same people that say the boy should go OOT to the girl, that complain that boys don’t want to go out with OOT girls.
That’s pretty much the reason for what DaasYochid pointed out above (third comment in this thread.)
He obviously agrees that people can go out.
Looking at each other ==>is a different story<==.
Dr. Pepper: The post you linked to from him seems to indicate he feels it is okay to look. (He is bemoaning that she didn’t want him to look.)
haifagirl said
“Could you please change the title of this thread to “Who goes to whom?” It would make me very happy.”
I was also bothered by that.
If both of you are serious about getting married, you would realize that this is a silly topic. You both should insist on going to each other!!! If you start the relationship off this way, it won;t work out!
Why was it changed from “who goes to who?” to “whom goes to who?”? They are both equally wrong.
Of course this is all foreign to me, but it seems to be a question of common sense. It would always be nicest if the bocher could go to the girl first and meet her family at the same time. Having said that, there are many other things to take into consideration – their ages, their dating experience and maturity, distances involved, time of year, ticket prices and ability to avail oneself of a seat sale or use of points, etc. It seems that there are no hard and fast rules and each case is individual. Although, I said that this method of dating (traveling for shadchan arranged dates) is foreign to me, I also know people who have travelled to meet each other on dates arranged by family or close friends. Actually, that is how my father met my mother and he travelled across the prairies by train in 1943. They were “set up” by family members. After their first meeting and about 5 dates they became engaged and were married about 5 months later. It was a great success for 45 years, until my father passed away.
“whom goes to whom?”
Mods, you got a laugh out of me 🙂
Thank you to the mods.
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