Who's going to want to marry me?

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    I have a mental illness(still hard to admit that) and soon will be ready to start dating. Who’s going to want to marry me if I have this blemish? I’m going to obviously have to settle on a guy that’s not perfect but I don’t want a guy that’s messed up either. I want someone who is “normal”- not completely messed up. Do you think it’s possible for me to still get a good guy? Honest opinions please (I don’t want everyone to say that I will find an amazing guy if it’s not true!!!)


    It depends which illness you have. How far are you along in the healing process? Your main question should be asked to your therapist, not to a bunch of strangers.

    ☕️coffee addict

    how apparent is this mental illness


    there are boys out there who are normal, yet have what you call “a blemish”. some people call a broken family not normal. my friend is getting married IY”H very soon. her parents are divorced, his father was niftar. he is an amazing boy, both from what my friend has told me, and from the few times i met him in person. there is no need to despair that there is no boy out there for you. every person has a zivug, and shidduchim sometimes literally fall from Hashem. right now the only thing you can do is daven to Him that you will meet and marry the best boy for you.

    hatzlacha, and may you see alot of mazal and bracha come to you from Hashem


    My relative with mental illness had married bliss for many years.His spouse had infinite patience,that’s all.

    Can you marry just anyone? No.

    Do you think Hashem is stumped by that? No.

    You deserve to be happy,and you will be!


    sure its possible, everone has issues. Some people are fat, others short. Some have low self esteem and others suffer from depression. Some are addicted to money and others don’t have any.Some suffer in silent others are more open. You are no different then anyome else. Make sure you are followed by a respectable DR, speak to a Rav who you feel comfortable with and when you least suspect it, you may will find your bersheret.


    “Not fat, just tall from side to side”


    then im getting taller every year


    happiest-never despair. Ive had some tragedy in my life-cant get too specific at the risk of being recognized-but I also at one point thought that same way. I didnt have a mental illness,so to speak,but after what I went thru I did become depressed. I saw an amazing therapist, for around 5 years and she really helped me. If I can get married and raise a family, you sure can. The important thing is to have a good therapist/Dr. that you can connect with. If you dont click with one,go out and find one that you do click with. It is so important to be on the same page with your therapist. And find a support system, someone that you can vent to and cry to every so often,when you are in between sessions.

    I would also put off dating until YOU feel ready to get started. It doesnt matter that now you are at the age to start. You need to feel it from within. Dont get forced into meeting someone if you are not ready. Its ok. We all have our own personal timetables. Just because your friends and your sisters etc. started dating at this age,doesnt mean that you do do too. I learned in my life that you need to do what is good for you when its good for you. We dont live for others.

    Good luck!


    Many illnesses can be controlled with medication. As long as you stay on your medication and can function at a normal level, what exactly is the problem. Many people take medication. There is nothing wrong with finding a zivig and being honest with him about your problem. Just because you need some help to function that doesn’t mean that you are not a productive member of society.


    how apparent is this mental illness

    regardless of how apparent it is i think u have a chiyuv to tell the guy abt it

    but u shud ask a rav


    Realize that “a perfect guy” is always a relative term. There is no objective perfection-not physically, emotionally, or spiritually. As long as you find the guy you were meant to be with he will be “perfect for you”. I’m sure if you see any woman who is super-happy with her husband she would not be that happy with another woman’s husband, even if the second womans is also super-happy with him. There is an intended partner for everyone. You would never be happy with whoever isn’t your own anyway.


    If you’re taking care of yourself well(medications, therapist etc) you can live normal & happy life.

    I know many people who are happily married & have some mental illnesses, thanks to them taking care of their problems.


    Over the course of my life I’ve met a few guys. In my experience for the purpose of getting married ‘perfect’ just means someone whose maylos and chesronos are those that work ‘kneged’ yours. The ‘maylah’ of not having some form of mental or physical illness that was overcome is often offset by the ‘chesaron’ of not knowing how to grow or overcome challenges.

    Don’t look at it as if theirs a pool of normal people on one end and abnormal on the other where you have to hope for a normal one. Life is rarely if ever so black and white. Instead concentrate on getting yourself to the best possible place and looking for the guy that will help you go even beyond that. Hashem will take care of the rest.


    Derech is right–perfect is when your unique blend of traits complements the other person’s and vice-versa.


    In shidduchim “normal” is relative term. The Bas Kol didnt skip over you and also called out bas ploni liploni by you too. Hatzlacha in finding that ploni.

    As an aside, you are a lot more “normal” than you realize simply by accepting that you have/had an issue that required getting help, and acting on it. There are many “normal” people who need help and dont get it.


    It’s like The Tortoise And The Hare.

    The turtle WON THE RACE because the rabbit was so sure he would win,HE TOOK A LONG NAP.

    You are self-aware….you will go far.


    Thanks for answering everyone.

    I def do have a therapist and Dr who are amazing and I plan on having them support me throughout the dating process as well.

    Do you really think that I’m “ahead” of other people if I’m already aware of my problem?

    I would never even think of not telling the guy I’m going out with (3rd of 4th date though) that I’m on medicine and what my official diagnosis is. I think that the diagnosis doesn’t matter too much though. I am still managing to lead a normal life and if you would meet me on the street you would never begin to think that I am the one struggling with this illness. I look and act normal, b”H.

    Hashem will hopefully help me through the process of dating and He will help make it go as smoothly as possible for me, iy”H.


    Do you really think that I’m “ahead” of other people if I’m already aware of my problem?

    100% most people arent’ aware of their problems…so yes you are certainly better off then most

    jewish source

    happiest I thinks I have a potential B for you

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