Why is there so much pressure to be "in style"

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  • #616957
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Even when you can’t afford to get a new wardrobe every season?

    #1121431
    Joseph
    Participant

    Even if you could afford a new wardrobe every season!

    #1121432
    Mammele
    Participant

    A lot of the pressure is self inflicted. We can all try to buck the trend to see if we’ll survive…

    #1121433
    TheGoq
    Participant

    People don’t want to be labeled a nebbish.

    #1121434
    Joseph
    Participant

    You need new clothing every season to not be seen as nebbish?

    You can’t wear last winters clothing this winter?

    #1121435
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Don’t dress in braids and a jumper when your 16, or wear shlumpy/dirty clothing. I mean t-shirts, random skirts….

    Most thing made in the past 5-6 years aren’t nebbish. Perhaps not exactly in style but it doesn’t mean you loook like a neb or ugly. That’s what I’m trying to say…

    #1121436
    TheGoq
    Participant

    I don’t think so Joseph but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who judge on such superficial nonsense.

    #1121437
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Because different is either seen as bad or, rarely, as a standard that is so awesome it’s impossible for others to adhere to. It takes a lot of confidence to pull off the second one, otherwise it’s just seen as bad.

    #1121438
    MDG
    Participant

    Joseph,

    I agree with you 100%. If you clothes were nice last year, then they should be good this year. I have a few dark suits and davening jackets which last me years. I replace one every year or two as they wear out.

    But I think that a woman’s mind is wired differently, however. Most women seem to have a strong need for social acceptance and even adulation. That is their main Yetzer Hara.

    #1121439
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Don’t be silly. You face as much social pressure to fit in, the style just doesn’t change as often.

    #1121440
    Joseph
    Participant

    RY, why does the style change less by men?

    #1121441
    MDG
    Participant

    “Don’t be silly. You face as much social pressure to fit in, the style just doesn’t change as often. “

    I have gotten used to being an outcast. I don’t mind it, as I’m comfortable in my skin. It comes with age and messing up enough that you don’t care anymore. Right now, I am at work with jeans, sneakers, and dress socks. Not so stylish…whatever. The only concern I have is that I don’t look so out-of-it that I make a chillul Hashem.

    #1121442
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I guess it’s different when you live “in town”. I’m so glad I grew up out of town. I try to run in circles where being “in” doesn’t matter.

    #1121443
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Because of this I actually look down upon people “in style”. Those people are ussu. uptight, judgmental, and superficial.

    #1121444
    MsPrincess
    Member

    because of its a persons instinct to want to do what others do. so thats why people want to wear in style clothing to be like others. (psychology.) I took 2 courses of those and love quoting from my classes their very interesting.

    #1121445
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I’ve read psychology books that just stated the obvious.

    #1121446
    MsPrincess
    Member

    Psychology is a very obvious subject thats why its an easy a.

    #1121447
    screwdriverdelight
    Participant

    It’s a seminary thing. There are some seminaries out there that if you come in the first day with yesterday’s clothing, then forget it–you just blew it. No one will associate themselves with you because you’re so last year.

    But I heard Machon Raaya’s not like that.

    #1121448
    Joseph
    Participant

    sdd, you’ve been to seminary?

    #1121449
    screwdriverdelight
    Participant

    I actually never got accepted to any seminary…it’s a sore subject, please don’t ask me about it.

    #1121450
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Those seminaries are eggheads.

    #1121451
    MsPrincess
    Member

    i dont believe you never got accepted to any seminary all seminaries accept good frum girls unless their not jewish….. (even i probably would get into a good seminary even tho i never went to high school and went to college instead just because im very religious and very into academics and have good grades b’h).

    #1121452
    Joseph
    Participant

    MsP: You went from eighth grade straight to college?

    #1121453
    pcoz
    Member

    There is a Rashi somewhere which talks about the un-tzeniasdik way the Edomiim dress in Paris. Reb Binyamin Zilber brings this as an antecedent for Parisian fashion.

    #1121454
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Being an egghead has nothing to do with being nice or otherwise. Lots of “eggheads” are very nice people.

    #1121455
    MsPrincess
    Member

    i started taking classes in 10 grade i didnt like my school so i didnt really show up to school in 9 grade thats why i said i just skipped high school and went straight to college.

    #1121456
    technical21
    Participant

    Well, you kind of answered your own question with the word “pressure.” People feel pressure to fit in with others. Since it has become an increasingly prevalent trend to buy new clothing every season, people want to keep up with the Joneses and not be left out.

    If you have the money to buy a new wardrobe every season, then kol hakovod (at least in theory; hashkafically there may still be some problems). But if you’re wasting your (or someone else’s) money on clothing that you cannot afford, maybe think about your priorities a little.

    #1121457
    MsPrincess
    Member

    yes we should not want to “fit” in its just natural instinct.

    #1121458
    technical21
    Participant

    Well, isn’t that the whole purpose of a Jew- to overcome (and BE’H change) his instincts?

    We all have taavos, we all have thoughts and emotions that we probably shouldn’t, we all struggle with nisyonos. The question is if we’re just going to say “it’s not my fault, that’s just who I am” or if we’re going to work on it.

    The need to “fit in” is natural and normal, and in many ways, it keeps society running. ????? ????? ??? ?? ???? ???? ????- that’s what it says in ???? ????. At the same time, it causes a lot of difficulty. People of all ages struggle with peer pressure, especially when it is in conflict with their values. The question is if we give in or stand up to it. ????? ???? ????? ????? ????? ???

    Now, I’m not saying that buying a new wardrobe every season is necessarily the wrong thing to do. For me personally, it goes against my hashkafa and personal values. Each person has to evaluate what the price of fitting in is, and decide whether or not it fits in with his/her hashkafa.

    #1121459
    MsPrincess
    Member

    it is but some people have a greater yatzer hara than others.

    #1121460
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I just hate that people judge those who don’t buy a new wardrobe every season.

    #1121461

    Why is there so much pressure to be “in style”?

    Because all the cool kids are doing it, duh.

    #1121462
    cherrybim
    Participant

    “some people have a greater yatzer hara than others”

    No. It’s just that different people have a yeitzer hara for different things.

    #1121463
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    If you don’t want to buy a new wardrobe each season, find your own unique style and wear it well.

    #1121464
    technical21
    Participant

    Shopping613- that’s part of the difficulty of peer pressure; many of us want to do things differently than the crowd, but we feel stifled by others’ judgment. Some people react with reverse judgment- basically judging their judgers- but I don’t think that’s right, either.

    The best way is to work on being confident and comfortable with who you are, and to try not to care so much what other people think. It’s extremely difficult, but it’s doable.

    I personally do not buy a whole new wardrobe every season. I buy to fill in the gaps of what is unusable from last season, or the season before that, or 5-10 seasons before. Sometimes that could mean buying nothing new, if my clothing remained intact. My main objective is that my clothing looks nice on me and I feel good in it. It doesn’t have to be at the height of fashion.

    #1121465
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Same

    #1121466
    MDG
    Participant

    Last week, my wife was feeling cold. She’s almost my size, so I offered her a colorful sweatshirt/sweater of mine. She looked at it and said, “No thanks, that’s so 80’s.”

    #1121467
    Hashemisreading
    Participant

    Why was Mod-80’s sweater in your house? I would love to wear his sweater.

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