Why should a first date be 3 hours long?
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- This topic has 32 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 4 months ago by cofeefan.
January 27, 2011 10:02 pm at 10:02 pm #594566beeParticipant
What is the point in a first date being 3 hours?!?! After the first half hour you know if you would like to see the person again. And if it is a bomb of a date – why should you have to go through the pain???January 27, 2011 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #733326
i cannot agree more!!!! it’s torture to sit through 3+ hours of a date when you just know it’s not for youJanuary 27, 2011 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #733327doodle jumpParticipant
A First date should definitely be longer that 1/2 hour. What could you possibly get to know in that time? You have a young couple who is just getting over saying Hi to each other. There are also awkward moments to overcome. You have to give a person a chance to defrost and enjoy the date. What is the rush?January 27, 2011 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #733328dunnoMember
Hair…makeup…getting dressed…for HALF AN HOUR?? No way!January 27, 2011 10:14 pm at 10:14 pm #733329popa_bar_abbaParticipant
I agree with dunno. It is ridiculous to spend half an hour getting dressed.January 27, 2011 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #733330SacrilegeMember
Right there with you sista!
(Bad enough 9 times out of 10 you dont even get a meal… 😉January 27, 2011 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #733331beeParticipant
you are not deciding if you will marry the person in a half hour! but if your date is totally not for you and really getting on your nerves a half an hour-and hour is enough time!! if its a soso date then you will go out again…January 27, 2011 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #733332NotABochurAnymoreParticipant
Not sure if you should be dating if you are unwilling to give the person a chance. Yes, sometimes you are quite sure that you will be saying no. In those cases, I think 2-3 hours is enough but after a half-hour, even if the person is hideous and is certainly not your “type”, it is just common decency not to signal to a person that you can’t be bothered with them for more than a half hour. This is especially true if the other person (more likely) is a girl. She spent a lot more than a half hour dressing up for the date and getting ready. Have some decency. And who knows? maybe when your guard is down and you are so “sure” that you aren’t interested, the person may say something funny or intriguing that may pique your interest and get you to say “You know, I think it would be worth it to try a second date” or at least “This wasn’t a waste of time since I learned something”January 27, 2011 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm #733333lightitupMember
Bochur24, I liked that perspective.January 27, 2011 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm #733334HadaLXTPMember
It’s a common courtesy for a guy not to end the first date at least not before 2 hours. Like “Dunno” said, she worked harder then the guy to get ready.January 27, 2011 11:26 pm at 11:26 pm #733335snapplegrlMember
so lets change it to 2 hours maybe 2 1/2 .. 1 hour is usally traveling(getting lost, looking for parking) and one hour to shmooze with a total stranger is more than enuf…January 27, 2011 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #733336
2.no looking at your watch
3.no looking at the date’s watch
4.no claiming to be off to grandma’s funeral
5.Chayav–or to BE GRANDMAJanuary 27, 2011 11:38 pm at 11:38 pm #733337
Do look at the date!!January 27, 2011 11:54 pm at 11:54 pm #733338
i don’t hink it should be a half hour date but i hate when the boy prolongs it when its obvious it doesnt click! and i happen to be a very tolerant person and i like to give people chances….
Eclipse- your points are SPOT ON and make me smile on how true they are!January 28, 2011 12:28 am at 12:28 am #733339truth be toldMember
A first date is usually capped at 2 hours total including travel time. If both parities have time, patience and interest, thats a different story. When people are older, things can be different. Or, if one person traveled from out-of-townJanuary 28, 2011 12:42 am at 12:42 am #733340dunnoMember
Reminds me of one of my dates. It was obvious (at least to me) that it just wasn’t gonna be a shidduch. By the time we got to the place I wanted to leave. He didn’t have a watch so about 2.5 hours in he asked me the time. I told him…he thinks for a second…and then asks, “So you wanna walk around a little?” I’m thinking “no way” but of course responded with “sure!”January 28, 2011 2:18 am at 2:18 am #733341
coffeefan,thanks!January 28, 2011 2:38 am at 2:38 am #733342mikehall12382Member
3 hours doesnt seem like much if you consider the fact that many get engaged after a short dating period. 3 hours seems like a rather small investment, when investigating your future mate. Plus even if there is no connection it is a good lesson on how to commuincate and even learn a bit about yourself…maybe there is such a shidduck crisis becase people arent giving others enough time to make an impression. no wonder there is a crisis going on….January 28, 2011 3:39 am at 3:39 am #733343oomisParticipant
Bochur 24 – I salute you. Aizehu chacham, halomeid mekall adam. If nothing else, you learn what you do not like, every time you go out with someone.
It is an important lesson in life to be able to spend somewhat large amounts of time with someone EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO TACHLIS, because you will encounter many people in your lifetime on job interviews, classes, you workday, etc. with whom you will not especially enjoy being. You still have to be able to carry on a conversation with many of them, and simply act civilly. Three hour dates are a good start for familiarizing you with one on one relationships that might possibly be uncomfortable. On the plus side, if you like the girl or boy, it is a nice amount of time getting to know them.January 28, 2011 4:30 am at 4:30 am #733344
coffefan – “i cannot agree more!!!! it’s torture to sit through 3+ hours of a date when you just know it’s not for you”
What happens when you get married and you get into your first fight, which happens to almost everyone? Are you going to run home to mommy, call mommy on the phone, run into the bedroom and slam & lock the door? Sitting through a date with someone you can’t stand -for three hours -teaches the person Savlonus. This middah is key to having a relationship with anyone. People should learn from employers who give interviews. Lots of times, they know right away they have no interest in you, but they give you the same time and treat you the same way as everyone else!January 28, 2011 4:35 am at 4:35 am #733345
Sac – If 9 times out of 10 you want a meal, offer to pay for it.
I don’t mean going Dutch, offer to pay for his too!January 28, 2011 5:39 am at 5:39 am #733346
health- “they know right away they have no interest in you, but they give you the same time and treat you the same way as everyone else!” … who says i dont???? just beacuse i said i agree that i hate that dates sometimes seem so long does not mean i have no patience for people and act like i am having a good time on a very long date (because i happen to be a VERY patient person and always try my best to be positive in a situation something i pride myself for) or that i cant work out a fight? i fail to see the connection between the two.
and i never said anything about “someone i cant stand” i was talking about someone who is just not for me plain and simple could be the nicest guy in the universe if he is not for me it wont click and it will seem like the longest night of my life nothing to do with who he is. sometimes personalities dont clickJanuary 28, 2011 6:21 am at 6:21 am #733347MDGParticipant
I always felt that I should call for at least 10 minutes – up to 30 – before actually meeting. If you got nothing to talk about for 10 minutes, then 2 hours will be painful. If there was some chemistry on the phone, then it was worthwhile to go out.
I always liked longer first dates as the facade wears off. It’s really hard fake it for 3+ hours, and the real person comes out. I also liked to go out to eat on a first date, as I prefer good table manners.January 28, 2011 6:33 am at 6:33 am #733348
CF -Noone says you don’t, but you called it torture. It’s kedai to have a little torture to break a Midah and acquire Savlonus. I never implied that you said “you can’t stand”. But being with a person that you can’t stand as opposed to someone who just is not for me, the former will help you work on your midos a lot more.January 28, 2011 12:37 pm at 12:37 pm #733350
the way to get thru it is tell yourself:
I may have no interest in MARRYING this person,but:
1.it’s good manners,and a chesed to listen politely
2.MAYBE I CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS PERSONJanuary 28, 2011 2:51 pm at 2:51 pm #733351gavra_at_workParticipant
It should be as long as it lasts.
Whatever that might be.
Part of the problem is that the dating world is so standardized; just let what happens happen & enjoy yourself!January 28, 2011 2:58 pm at 2:58 pm #733352
Health- i guess i am not understanding you and you are not understanding me but i respect your opinion and i hope you respect mine too because i’m sure if i would be able to really tell you what i mean you would understand. so lets just agree to disagree?
eclpise- i know what you are saying and i am very into that as well (being able top learn something from every yid…) i work very hard on that and after each date i sit with my mother and go through the date and point out one good thing (at least) that i saw about him. it really helps me to be positive. just because i say i dont like long dates doesnt mean i am a bad dater =)January 28, 2011 3:22 pm at 3:22 pm #733353WolfishMusingsParticipant
I’ve been on my first date for nearly twenty-three years…
The WolfJanuary 28, 2011 3:26 pm at 3:26 pm #733354
coffeefan,you have the CUTEST way of disagreeing!:)January 28, 2011 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #733355oomisParticipant
“Sitting through a date with someone you can’t stand -for three hours -teaches the person Savlonus.”
Very good point.January 28, 2011 3:36 pm at 3:36 pm #733356
i try eclipse;) i dont wanna make it seem like it’s “my way or the highway” because everyone is entitled tp their own feelings! thanks!January 30, 2011 4:59 am at 4:59 am #733357
CF – “so lets just agree to disagree?”
I’m not sure I have a disagreement with you. I think you thought since I posted to you originally, I was talking to you & only you.
I was making a point in Mussar to everyone, not just you. So- no reason to be on the defensive!January 30, 2011 5:34 am at 5:34 am #733358
ok health fair enough =) thank you!
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