Why things are so complicated.

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    So basically, I don’t sit there trying to come up with excuses all the time, its just that throughout my life, I have been in increasingly more and more complicated situations. I have the following issues at the moment.

    1. Insomnia- I bought an old fashioned alarm clock today, hopefully, tomorrow morning, I will be able to wake up at 6:45 am, I put it on the shelf above me so that I have to get out of bed to turn it off.

    2. Random health issues that crop up. At the moment, these include; rashes all over my body, random headaches, stomach hurting during certain times of the day. I am planning on making a doctor appointment tomorrow to figure out the rash part.

    3. Need more therapy- And the right kinds too, obviously, if I need to see an allergist, that is the priority, but the doctor I hope to see tomorrow will be able to determine if that is an appropriate step.

    4. Loneliness- I often feel alone because I am in a school that is neither a hashkafic fit, nor a functioning level fit (meaning I don’t have special needs, but the other girls do, and the other half of the time, I am in a modern orthodox, mainstream seminary, and I consider myself aspiring to be yeshivish).

    5. Financial- I need to find pesach plans and my plans just fell through today, and if I don’t find something in israel, I will be stuck spending $700 on a pesach program I don’t want to go on.

    6. Aliyah- Coming up in August… I have been speaking to nefesh b’nefesh daily for the past few weeks, this is especially stressful because I don’t come from a wealthy background.

    7. What am I doing next year? I honestly have no idea, I might not be able to get a sherut leumi job, and then what?

    8. I would like to start shidduch dating, and I keep on having flashbacks about this guy… I won’t delve into this because this isn’t appropriate, but you get the picture.

    9. Shalom Bayis- My family is very interesting, I have very few relatives that I can talk to, and some of them are having issues, one is an elderly woman who is starting to lose her hearing, the others expect me to know the whereabouts about their 30 year old son.

    10. My only extra-curricular at the moment is ulpan lessons, I am only taking them because I need to learn Hebrew… people are trying to take away the privilage of going out at night, and that is bad because I am only able to see my friends at night.

    11. 24/7 schedule- that means I only get one free shabbos a month. As a girl, that is much more difficult because I did not expect that switching into this program would mean that my life would be transformed to that of a bochur.

    Please take all of these things into consideration before telling me that I am coming up with excuses non-stop.



    i dont think most people think you are making up excuses. And nobody can judge. Life is tough… But the challenges are what life’s about. You sound like you are rising to the occasion and overcoming ,any of the challenges that you face. You ace your tests! Don’t overlook it, not everyone does so well. Keep it up, you are inspiring! May Hashem help you in continuing to come out of your nisyonos successfully and stronger


    Amen! Thanks a ton for your chizuk! I really appreciate it 🙂


    and, of course, above all, I just found out that rashes can be caused by emotional stress… LOL, if only I was happy, I would have no health problems at the moment…


    ditto that for me…


    Angioedema and urticaria (aka, hives) can be caused by stress. So get rid of the rest of your problems and this issue will go away as well.


    “2. Random health issues that crop up. At the moment, these include; rashes all over my body, …”

    I had rashes all over my body. Get a natural toothpaste and mouthwash (like Toms of Maine). Many oral care products have methyl salicilate (sp?) which is a known skin irritant. It is also called something like oil of wintermint. It gives a minty taste and a tingly feeling. In any event, once I started using a natural tooth paste, my rash went away in a few weeks. Stress was also a trigger. Together they could flare me up and make me feel that my skin was on fire.


    You sound tooooooo stressed out. I think that you need to find a way to reduce your stress, gain more free time, sleep more, exercise more. Yeah, I know that’s easier said then done.



    From the discussion about 9 of 10, you seem to be a little too hard on yourself. I used to be that way. I found that one key to happiness is to accept yourself, whoever and whatever you are. Your yetser hara is always judging yourself, looking for ways to say you are not good enough. Don’t listen.


    How am I being hard on myself. I am depressed and I look forward to those ulpan lessons. I had to push my mom very hard in order to get her to pay for them. Also, for ten, that threat is completely real, and I am not the one making it.

    When I am hard on myself, that means I am able to push myself to becoming more successful. In my case, I think its a good thing.


    snowbunny, pushing yourself to be more successful is great but (IMHO) it should be done in a way that makes you feel confidant and capable. Don’ put yourself down.


    I meant the now closed discussion “9 out of 10”


    Is this kosher in CR? Talking and exchanging ideas about closed threads in others?


    haha. Oh, and just to make things even more complicated… I might have to leave seminary because I cannot afford the tuition.


    Speak to the admins, I’m sure they have special options…

    I hope it all works out for you! You sound like you need a day at the beach or something…


    actually, the admins are the ones telling me I need to come up with the money by the end of the week. I find it ironic that I am supposed to run/ walk a 10k tomorrow in order to raise money for a scholarship fund for my program because they don’t want to deny admission to the program based on ones inability to pay, yet they want to kick me out if I can’t pay.


    I have some good news at the moment! I so far have raised $63.50!


    and now another $5.00


    My rabbi said to call him in a bit to brainstorm about what to do, my educated guess is that I am leaving this program next week, but I don’t know what I am doing.


    Hmmm. You aren’t applicable for any scholarships at all? I’m sure there is some org. in Israel that deals with this type of problem.


    the seminary I am currently at prorated my tuition and then gave me a $5000 scholarship, all the money that was meant to be given to them was given to them, but they seem to think more money was “promised to me”, when in reality, they got all the funding that was promised to me…


    That wasn’t so clear. Do you mean promised to them?


    yep… its a ridiculous situation because they knew when I met them that that was an issue for me and it was not going to happen.


    That has to be some strange misunderstanding…were you working with one person the entire time/ a caseworker of sorts?


    no, its the director of the program who is demanding the money and not being so flexible about it… I am not a foster child.


    I didn’t say you were. A so called “caseworker” is assigned to specific people with regard to finances in some institutions.


    yeah, meaning the director of my program…


    I just had a meeting with the director of my program and she told me I should leave E”Y.



    bec of tuition alone, they are asking you to leave?

    Also, why leave e”y? Or was she giving you her own personal advice given what she knows about you. I hope you were able to hear her, if so, there might have been something small to consider in her talk. Did you speak to your rabbi yet about what she said?


    yes, b/c of tuition. I don’t want to leave E”Y, at the very least, all of my friends are here. I am trying to reach my rabbi…


    I read an article on Times of Israel about Anglos that make aliyah, and it said that most of them deplete their savings.

    The advice I am giving myself is the same Ii am giving you. Ii’d suggest settling things career-wise before aliyah, sem, etc. Material needs must be fulfilled before lofty spiritual goals.

    I’d love to be able to shtell tzu all day. Learning heilige Tosfos’s and Rashbas and Rambans all day would be a dream come true. But I realize that financially, I just can’t make it like that.


    Leaving Israel too? It sounds like it’s not just about money now.


    So, after speaking to my rabbi, he said he wants to coordinate a meeting with everyone that is involved in my life that is able to show up in order to determine the best course of action for my future, because everyone in the frum community in my hometown is on the same page with me, and nobody expected my year in israel to be this awful EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO TOLD ME I SHOULD NOT GO TO SEMINARY THIS YEAR DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD HAVE ENDED LIKE THIS.


    snowbunny, I really feel for you. Let us know what happens, and if there’s any way we can help.


    I just wish the debt could just go away… I am leaving Israel because I don’t have what to do here at the moment.


    I think you should consult with both a rabbi and a good lawyer, telling them all the details (including the extreme stress, insomnia etc) and then act according to their advice. No one here knows the details nor your arrangements and no one can tell whether you owe money or not, and you can’t assume that either. If you will be told that you owe money according to halacha and to secular law, I am sure you will do, but don’t rush to conclusions before their time.


    For those of you who is saying that this is only one side of the story, I am trying to give unbiased information, my mom told me that they don’t understand how I can afford to socialize all the time, when in reality, most of the time I have gone out, it was to events where I get free pizza and stuff like that, and I almost never got to go out for the sake of going out.


    sb- i didnt mean it in an accusatory way, i’m sorry if it came across like that. The whole situation is painful and shocking to me. Nonetheless, we are not allowed to pass judgement with only 1 side of the story. We understand your hurt and pain, but cant know why the admin is acting like this, what their thoughts and calculations are. Therefore we cant condemn them, or label them guilty.

    I hope against hopes this can get cleared up and you dont have to endure this pain and struggle. Hoping for the best for you, now and in the future


    Thanks. I understand that nobody is accusing me, its just that this whole situation is ridiculous and could have been so easily avoided. One of my suitcases broke on the way here, and they were trying to convince me to borrow a suitcase from them. I was literally thinking to my self “no freakin way”, although I was much more polite than that.

    Mods, feel free to edit the word that you find questionable, I am just putting it in out of frustration.


    :). Yeah, I can hear how that word would be applicable at the moment. Are people helping you figure out what to do next when you get home?




    Short and to the point, huh? Sorry you’re so glum right now…


    I am trying not to worry so much, but unfortunately, when there are so many unknowns and people sitting there and lecturing you all the time, and you feel like you are being deprived of the ability to live a quality of life, and stuff like that, it is very hard to be happy.

    In terms of being able to help, I am leaving Israel on March 17th and will land in New York on March 17th, one of my friends is picking me up from the airport and driving me to another friend’s apartment, where I will be staying for a few days, but I need to find a place to stay for the rest of the week before Erev Pesach, and shabbos arrangements. Does anyone have any ideas?


    Getting a place to stay for Pesach in NY isnt hard,


    i am not able to go to a hotel.


    No hotel is needed.

    Maybe a bit controversial here, but I am sure Chabad can put you up in Crown Heights


    i hear…


    There are other options as well

    Other communities I am sure can find a place for you


    such as…


    I could say Lakewood, Flabush or Borough Park

    I know of some organizations that might help, but I cant mention them here or post links


    Try Shabbat.com for hachnasas orchim,.

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