Wife older than husband: How is it working out?

Home Forums Shidduchim Wife older than husband: How is it working out?

Viewing 36 posts - 1 through 36 (of 36 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1492351

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Looking for insight and positive examples of successful marriages where the wife is older than her husband please.

    I’ve heard of 30-year-old men looking to date 35-year-old women because they’re more marriage-minded. How does that work out in real life?

    Thank you 🙂

    #1493477

    Joseph
    Participant

    35 year old women are often more marriage minded than 30 year old women?

    #1493479

    hml
    Participant

    The Lubavitcher Rebbetzin was 2 years older than the Rebbe.
    Of course, age depends on the couple – level of maturity etc. It shouldn’t be a stigma, my son married his wonderful wife who is a little older than he is. I also had friends where he was 27 years OLDER than his wife & they had a beautiful marriage.

    #1493486

    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    My eldest brother is 3 years younger than his wife. They are married 51 years
    My eldest sister is 3 months older than her husband. They are married 48 years.

    I don’t think a few months or years matter……………………………

    #1493509

    Midwest2
    Participant

    “Older than” is a variable term. 2 months? 2 years? Ten years? Who we have to worry about are the shadchanim. A year or two is irrelevant, so make sure the shadchanim you consult know it. Same with height. Why does the boy have to be taller? In Europe it wasn’t a issue. An inch or a few? So what.

    It strikes me though, that the OP’s friend may have some issues. Is he looking for an older girl because he’s got a “problem” and he thinks that an older girl will care less? Or that her “desperation” will give him more power?

    It’s like blue for boys and pink for girls. It wasn’t something that existed in Europe, but we’ve picked it up from the non-Jewish environment here.

    #1493512

    Health
    Participant

    LB -“I’ve heard of 30-year-old men looking to date 35-year-old women because they’re more marriage-minded.”

    It sounds like that they need a Mommy, Not a wife!
    A 35 y/o woman should look for a 40 – 60 y/o man for marriage.

    #1493515

    Larry
    Participant

    Silly question of course doesn’t matter!

    #1493538

    Joseph
    Participant

    European Jewish boys wore pink, Midwest2?

    P.S. The OP is the female in the equation.

    #1493542

    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @midwest
    Taller wife, a true story form our family.
    My paternal grandfather was 5′ tall. In 1917 he was engaged to my grandmother who was the same height. He was drafted into the US Army and sent off to fight in WWI. My grandmother remained at home with her parents and finished high school and worked in my Great Grandfather’s office doing the accounts.
    Zaidy returned from Europe and was discharged from the Army in the spring of 1919. He hurried to Brooklyn to see his family and his Kallah, My grandmother had continue to grow while he was away…she was now 5’9″ tall. They were married in June 1919 and enjoyed 58 years as husband and wife before she was niftara.
    Every picture that they arranged had her sitting and him standing. Every non-posed picture shows them as the mismatched (by height) but happy couple they were.

    #1493546

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I don’t mind having a boy taller than me. But all the boys I know want to be taller than the girl, they say it makes them feel like a man…

    #1493558

    Joseph
    Participant

    Health, I think a 60 year old guy is a bit on the young side for a 35 year old woman.

    #1493561

    Joseph
    Participant

    Shopping613: Which boys tell that to you?

    #1493564

    Joseph
    Participant

    CTL, why was it particularly necessary for him to stand and she sit for posed photographs?

    #1493582

    klugeryid
    Participant

    Rav shamshon Rafael Hirsh was a few years younger than his wife.
    He said when he was looking to get married, I have too much to accomplish to marry a young girl.
    (I do not remember the exact quote which was. Said in German, anyway. His point was I am looking for a mature girl not someone still maturing. He felt that required an older girl.)

    #1493620

    Toi
    Participant

    My wife’s taller. It works. I make her get all the stuff from high up. And when there’s stuff lower down, I make her get that too. Cuz she’s the wife.

    #1493617

    Takes2-2tango
    Participant

    Husband is older but way less mature. Hows it workin out?

    Husband dresses like a shlump wife dresses elegant. Hows it working out?

    Wife is a nervous wreck. Husband never found a job still sitting in kollel @ 38. Hows it working out?

    #1493630

    laskern
    Participant

    I lost my wife around 8 years ago. She was 8 months older,, but I was much taller. She did not like it when I mentioned her age.

    #1493632

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Laskern, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

    #1493642

    prayer
    Participant

    Health- Terrible advise! You are very out of touch! Great marriages are when the woman is older! Are you kidding me? You are part of the problem today! A 35 35 year old woman show look for someone up to 60? 60? A 35 year old woman can have a great relationship with a 30 year old man.
    You sound like a very young person with little experience with relationships in life.
    After 25- 30 men and woman are mature and it does not matter if 5 years older. A 30 year old and a 35 are perfect! As is 35 and 40.
    Also bochrim under 25 should not be looking for only a 19-20 year old. A 23 year old can have a great with a 25 year old.
    Also if someone was married before age is even less a problem. They are looking for the right person, not a number.
    One of the biggest reasons the singles get older and older is they have a long list. After a person is married several years they realize that the list was hindering them from finding a good wife and lasting relationship.
    Actually the opposite is true. Many people 18-25 are getting divorced because they marry someone too young and immature.
    Also a 50- 60 year old man should be looking for someone around their own age. Many of them are stuck and that is why they are not married. They look for 30-40 and everything else in their list and keep on looking for the same thing and then they become 50-60.
    Also a 40 year old man looking for a woman in her 20’s is not right. They should be looking for 35 to 45.
    45 years.
    There is so much technology now for a woman to have healthy children. Woman are also able to freeze eggs now-100% viable. If you don’t know all about this go speak to a fertility doctor.
    Also men after 50 can have relationship issues and problems having children. If you don’t know what I am talking also ask your local doctors.
    I am coming from experience with 100’s of singles.

    #1493645

    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @joseph
    Zaidy liked the look of them that way. Since he was paying the photographer, why shouldn’t he get what he wanted?

    #1493649

    prayer
    Participant

    Shoppind613: Bochrim that have never been married don’t know what it means to “be a man”. Even after real man can feel like a man when the wife is a few inches taller or the same height. These Bochrim are inexperienced.
    Also they are thinking about what others will say. We live in a very superficial time and mindset.
    I understand that some men won’t let themselves be married to a taller woman so if you are tall and having a hard time getting married look open your age maximum and look for someone who was married before.

    #1493656

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It’s better to marry someone close to your height so you can stand next to each other and talk face to face.

    #1493643

    laskern
    Participant

    Thank you DY. She went into the hospital the first seder night and passed on Rosh Chodesh Iyar two weeks after by her heart stopping 15 minutes.
    She was very obese. I have a son and daughter each has two children.

    #1493678

    Health
    Participant

    prayer -“Woman are also able to freeze eggs now-100% viable. If you don’t know all about this go speak to a fertility doctor.”

    Frum women don’t do that!

    “Also men after 50 can have relationship issues and problems having children. If you don’t know what I am talking also ask your local doctors.”

    And a lot of Women can’t have kids after 50 y/o.

    “I am coming from experience with 100’s of singles.”

    What kind of experience? Are you a therapist, Shadchin?
    Or just s/o who has a lot of dates, but was Never married?!?

    #1493700

    prayer
    Participant

    Health: Yes. Frum woman do freeze eggs today becside it has been a viable option for 10 years.
    Yes, women can have problems conceiving as they they get that old. Men can have other issus as well!
    As far as my line of work this is an anonymous forum.

    #1493701

    prayer
    Participant

    Laskern: So sorry to hear of your loss! Happy to hear you have children and grandchildren! May you have much Nachas from them!

    #1493751

    Toi
    Participant

    This thread has turned mighty weird…

    #1493879

    laskern
    Participant

    Thank you prayer. As your name, your tefilas should be listened to. It says
    הסומך גאולה לתפילה של ערבית אינה ניזק באותו היום explains the Chasan Sofer that when people bother us at night in galus that the redemption is not coming, we should realize it depends on our tefilas with what ferver we daven for it. If a majority would ask for it with a full heart, we could bring it.

    #1493898

    Health
    Participant

    prayer – “Health: Yes. Frum woman do freeze eggs today becside it has been a viable option for 10 years.”

    Then they aren’t Frum, unless they asked a Shaila for a specific case!

    “As far as my line of work this is an anonymous forum.”

    LOL! It’s not anonymous to claim what your profession is!
    I’ll assume this – “Or just s/o who has a lot of dates, but was Never married?!?”

    #1494834

    streekgeek
    Participant

    I’m about a year older than my husband.

    It’s working just fine. Age is just a number; I’ve preached about this numerous times here in the CR.

    I always joke that it would be nice to be the first one to die. My husband doesn’t find it that amusing.

    #1494862

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Thank you for the feedback everyone 🙂

    #1496357

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Both my grandmothers were older than my grandfathers, My MIL is older than my FIL. hasnt been a problem for any of them

    #1496275

    JJ2020
    Participant

    I think ideally both people should be emotionally mature and have worked on their medos. There are people of all ages who don’t have that.

    Perhaps more so today generations are getting shorter with more cultural changes happening quickly. In general the more you could have in common the better. It makes for less areas of potential conflict. So similar hashkafic backgrounds, langual country, income. All that could help but is not essential.

    It’s also important to have similar goals in life. How many kids you want, learning vs working. Views regarding Torah vs secular world etc.

    You also should be honest with yourself. Just because you may think intellectually that you don’t need a taller guy, you may really feel differently. Don’t fool yourself. You risk being unhappy in your marriage and that will likely show up in how you treat your spouse even if subconsciously. So be really honest with yourself. If you can really get over such issues like high and see yourself happily married to someone shorter or younger than you, then go for it.

    #1497033

    Yserbius123
    Participant

    I have a חזקה in this regard. I’m the third generation whose wife is taller than he is. Slightly older too, in my case.

    My opinion? Why should it make a difference? No one blinks an eye if a 30 year old guy goes out with a 25 year old girl, why should the reverse be different?

    #1497159

    Joseph
    Participant

    “No one blinks an eye if a 30 year old guy goes out with a 25 year old girl, why should the reverse be different?”

    No one thinks much if the husband is 10-15 years older than the wife. Do you think the same applies if the wife is 10-15 years older than the husband?

    #1497169

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Women mature earlier, and people count years since becoming old enough to get married instead of age.

Viewing 36 posts - 1 through 36 (of 36 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


Trending