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- This topic has 16 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by The little I know.
December 30, 2020 10:04 am at 10:04 am #1933457
Why are working bochurim looked down on by the rest of the community, especially when it comes to shidduchim?December 30, 2020 11:18 am at 11:18 am #1933513YtParticipant
Uh I don’t look down I think it’s gr8December 30, 2020 11:19 am at 11:19 am #1933521ujmParticipant
It isn’t true. Sincere Bnei Torah working bochorim are looked up to and sought after.December 30, 2020 12:14 pm at 12:14 pm #1933559meir GParticipant
see a recent thread on this topicDecember 30, 2020 12:17 pm at 12:17 pm #1933562commonsaychelParticipant
I found that quite a number of working boy were not quite as “erenest” in the approach of yiddishkeit, 80% of the bucherim will go to work in something other then chinuch or klay kodesh, I found the majority of the bucherim who learn before and for a 2 years after are much more focused in ruchinus.December 30, 2020 12:51 pm at 12:51 pm #1933590Reb EliezerParticipantDecember 30, 2020 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm #1933602🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
I thought that too but then I found out it’s not true at all. People like to make a lot of claims about who are considered second class in Shidduchim and I’m finding out it is mostly just a way of bad mouthing people who use the system. If you are working and have fallen to minimal learning, yes, you will not be a choice to girls who want more than that. And it’s also a problem of people “selling themselves” as really good guys and neglecting to mention the Netflix account on their phones.
If you work, then be clear and honest about where you are holding with your learning and hashkofa and look for a compatible girl. They will be MORE than thrilled to find you. (Same as a learning boy “selling himself” as a long time learner when his heart isn’t in it. But the thread topic was not discussing this)December 30, 2020 2:04 pm at 2:04 pm #1933614
@reb Eliezer thank you.
@commonsaychel I dont understand what’s wrong with going into work other than Klei kodesh.
The main issue I have is that some bochurim are not able to sit and learn full time, yet many bochurim like this that I know, are still in yeshiva. Why?? Because of shidduchim….December 30, 2020 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #1933658
@syag-lchochma thank you.
1) who is the people doing the bad-mouthing?
2) I heard a story first hand of a rav who was told by many girls that in sem they are taught to only want boys who are full time learning (and Davka not a working boy)December 30, 2020 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #1933663ujmParticipant
“80% of the bucherim will go to work in something other then chinuch or klay kodesh”
What’s wrong with that??December 30, 2020 3:04 pm at 3:04 pm #1933665commonsaychelParticipant
@The_Real_one, firstly as this is your first post welcome aboard and hope will be an active member,
Now in response to what I said, I wrote that like 20% of the yungerlite who were in yeshiva will go into chinuch and klei kodesh the remainder will work in regular jobs, not saying is good or bad, just a fact.
What I said of that 80% go into regular job the vast majority are much more “erenst” in the approach to life, I am not talking about the products of crowd that hangs out on Rechov Yaffa at night and “shtups der tziyt”.
PS in the interest of full disclosure I was working FT going to college at night and had 4 hours learning seder when I got engaged, a boy who is uneducated, hanging out with bottom feeders and busy on social media all day would not be viewed as a prime catch.December 30, 2020 9:04 pm at 9:04 pm #1933876Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
@Real_1: many girls that in sem they are taught to only want boys who are full time learning
It is a community problem… I have a simple explanation of a mis-balance between talmidei chachamim and those who want to marry one: it takes a lot of learning to become a talmid chacham – and it is much easier for a girl to _want_ to marry a talmid chacham! Less price – more demand. Econ 101. Of course, those girls will pay later, if, has vesholom, they marry someone who stayed in yeshiva for the sake of a shiduch (compounding if averah of not working with learning lo l’shma).
So, for you personally, maybe instead of adjusting to wrong expectations, you should look at working families and daughters who have a better grasp of reality and halakha. Maybe you need to review if you are limiting your search to certain communities or conditions that lead you to people with the attitudes you do not want. If you know that a seminary teaches bad values, just avoid the graduates.December 31, 2020 6:59 am at 6:59 am #1933986RABBAIMParticipant
If you live in teh world of action-not just intent- with the Hashkofo of “on 3 things the world stands: and they are not kinah taava and kavod…… if you learn lshaim shomayim, daven for real lshaim shomayim, work lshaim shomayim, and you always work on midos, bain adam lachaveiro and feel a sense of fulfillment and happiness within yourself for trying to live bishlaymus then you ae doing the max hishtadlus for the right shuidduch.December 31, 2020 7:03 am at 7:03 am #1934010
@always_ask_questions thank youDecember 31, 2020 3:54 pm at 3:54 pm #1934156
@rabbaim thank you. I fully agree with your opinion, but it hasn’t answered my original question.January 10, 2021 5:14 am at 5:14 am #1936972RABBAIMParticipant
Sorry- I did not connect tob the end. If you do that, forget aout what shallow people think. Know that you are doing ratzon Hashem and can live b’simcha not with the frustration of people who live their lives in the lens of the camera of the shallow insincere and popular. Be real and Hashem will provide an incredible shidduch and great simchas Hachayim. Its living with real Emunah. real connection to Hashem and to inner self. Others will look at you and see a balanced, ehrlich, yarei shomayim and that will garner respect and admiration.January 10, 2021 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #1937229The little I knowParticipant
There’s something terribly backwards here, and the system is part of the confusion. It may be nice for someone who has both a daughter and money to seek a boy who would be supported through kollel. It is quite another for boys to implement all the external trappings that they are the targets of these aidem seekers. That’s not their job. And most walk themselves into fantasies that fail them. I have known many of these disappointed souls who are more enamored with the image of the “learning boy” than they are with the learning itself. They should be pursuing wherever life takes them. If their Ahavas Hatorah is noteworthy, the wealthy shver will find him. Otherwise, they may sell themselves into a crash. That’s the backwards system. There is no obligation to make “klai kodesh” a career. Our tanoim and amoraim include a great many whose lifestyle was being “working boys”. Their dedication to learning was not the kollel label. Their product is studied by the “learning boys” of today. We have a label problem that is misdirecting boys and fooling gorls.
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