Working on your metaphors

Home Forums Humor & Entertainment Working on your metaphors

Viewing 0 posts
  • Author
    Posts
  • #597620
    veteran
    Member

    In threads here I often see posters using metaphors to make a point, sometimes resorting to bottom of the barrel kind. I thought I’d come up with a few that might be helpful in the future- feel free to use as many as you want completely free of royalties to me.


    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up .

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    Long separated by cruel fate, the long lost friends raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

    Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

    He was deeply infatuated. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

    #780684
    rebbi1
    Participant

    fantastic! Are they all your own?

    #780685
    haifagirl
    Participant

    Your similes are brilliant. I didn’t see any metaphors, though.

    #780686
    minyan gal
    Member

    Similes, metaphors, whatever – they are very funny. Thanks.

    #780687
    Patur Aval Assur
    Participant

    “Your similes are brilliant. I didn’t see any metaphors, though.”

    Every simile is by definition a metaphor.

    #780688
    nystatetrooper
    Participant

    I don’t get any of them sorry

    #780689
    BSD
    Member

    LOL!!!Great laughs. Like a person really laughing.

    #780690
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    I laughed so hard until my face turned as red as a banana painted red!

Viewing 0 posts
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.