October 5, 2021 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #2012599PennytwentyParticipant
I am a young girl beginning to think about shidduchim. I’m from a MO background and have become more frum on my own. I want to marry a more yeshivish-type man, but am worried no such guy will be willing to go out with me due to my background. I went to a coed highschool and grew up with internet and television, though we kept shabbos and kashrus. Will shadchanim insist I meet solely baalei teshuva men or men from similar backgrounds to my own?October 5, 2021 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #2012662AviraDeArahParticipant
As someone who is essentially a male carbon copy of what you described, i had no problems being rehdt to choshuve families in the Yeshiva world. It’s more about your current association, the company you keep, and how much you’ve integrated into the community. Going the right seminary matters a lot – the same way the Yeshiva a boy chooses does as well.
If you’re only recently becoming more frum post seminary years, then you might find some difficulty, but ultimately the right person won’t care, and there are plenty of young men who are in your situation.October 5, 2021 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #2012679LogicianParticipant
In the Yeshiva shidduch scene, the background of a girl is a MUCH larger factor than a boy’s background. Not a completely fair comparison.October 5, 2021 10:21 pm at 10:21 pm #2012678LogicianParticipant
Halevai that the combination of Shabbos, kashrus, internet and television would be unusual in our frum, non-MO society!
Does it make sense that you will find a lot of common ground with someone from a similiar background? Sure.
Would many yeshivish boys be uninterested? Certainly.
Are there plenty of types of boys who are open to such a Shidduch, not necessarily because they share this specific background? Absolutely.October 6, 2021 1:25 am at 1:25 am #2012704Shimon NodelParticipant
Send me your resume, I’ll go out with you 😁
(I might be too old for though, I’m 27)October 6, 2021 11:57 am at 11:57 am #2012895GadolhadorahParticipant
While you state that you’ve transitioned from MO to a bit more of a yeshivish hashkafah, you still sound as if you’ve retained some individuality and associated desire to find someone who is comfortable with your background. Thus, any guy who would exclude you entirely from consideration based on a superficial resume is unlikely to be someone you would have wanted to be with anyway. Retain you independent thinking and decision making and ultimately you will find your soulmate. Much hatzlacha.October 6, 2021 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #2012931AviraDeArahParticipant
Gadol, where in the OPs post do you see any hint to changing “a bit”, “retaining individuality” and that she wants someone who is comfortable with her background? I think that’s wishful thinking or not wanting to accept that someone actually became more religious…all she said is that she became more frum and doesn’t want to be limited to BTs and other MO graduates…October 6, 2021 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #2012999GadolhadorahParticipant
My reading is that she is worried about being excluded entirely based on her background. She says she is “more frum” and and ISO a “more-yeshivish” type guy but not clear she is looking for a 24×7 shteiger or something a bit more in the middle.
But whats the difference? My only point is not to worry that some will arbitrarily dismiss her entirely because of the transition part rather than being in a strictly frum family from day 1.October 6, 2021 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #2013037Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
I would encourage you to separate two issues – (1) “less observant” and (2) “modern”. These are not the same things. You need to analyze your family circumstance: what belongs to each of these categories. If you understand the difference, then you might (or not) discover that some of your family values are worth keeping. For example, a more modern schooling or family background may have prepared you better for challenges of interacting with outside world, workplace, etc. You may still want to change your approach to a different one after due consideration, but at least you need to show respect to your parent’s derech by not discarding it as inappropriate (if that is what it is).
So, if you can find value in your background, then you original question is similar to: how about a Yekke marrying a Litvak with less if undue low self-esteem.
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