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If you really liked someone while dating and then you found out that, that person smokes, would you go through with it, in the hopes that maybe they’ll quit, or would that be a deal breaker?
Deal-breaker.So ask beforehand.
if that is a deal breaker than there will be a ton of singles, as unfortuanatly I see many yeshiva guys hanging out at 7/11 smoking…
that depends will i have choice between lox and turkey?
Got asthma – complete deal breaker.
I once had a chavruta that smoked in the evening. His breath would make me cough the next morning when we would learn.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER !!!!!!!!!!
I would never go near a smoker with a 20 foot pole. I would dump him before we could even walk out the front door! Of course, it never even came to a first date, because I did extensive research on each boy to find out the truth. I did not just take the shadchan’s word for it, I sent my own people to get the real scoop, and find out if he ever smoked, even years back.
Not a deal breaker.
Ditto. Absolute deal-breaker. No ifs, ands, or (cigarette) butts.
As I once saw on a bumper sticker…
“Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, and selfish thing to do.”
I think that sums it all up pretty well.
No.
I would find out before. I can’t stand smokers!! And it’s gonna eventually kill him or give him lung sicknesses….. I wouldn’t take the chance. If he smokes, he’s showing he doesn’t take life seriously. Why would I want to marry someone who doesn’t value life?!?!?!!?
I know that nowadays all the bachurim smoke, but I would make sure the guy who I marry will NOT be one of those guys!!!
There aren’t enough guys and too many girls. So some girls will have to compromise for a smoker.
why can’t they work something out,like not inside the house? seems silly to break off because of a bad habit,would you end it because the girl bites her nails?
I’m allergic to smoke.How romantic is coughing?
does he smoke or is he a smoker? dont get all self righteous about something that is not ur nisayon…..
Sorry, but that will definitely NOT be me!!!!!!
A cigarette in Yeshiva because “everyone does it”, wouldn’t bother me as long as it remains a Yeshiva thing.
But smoking out of Yeshiva?? NO NO NO
Let’s apply these arguments to other unhealthy habits.
Smoking is not nearly as unhealthy as being overweight, which is why being overweight should be a complete dealbreaker.
Overeating is a filthy disgusting and selfish habit. You are ruining your life and your kids lives when they lose their mother to heart disease.
The yeshivos and seminaries should teach that it is important to value life, and that one should never even consider someone overweight.
I do extensive research to find out if the person was ever overweight, and I make sure they are telling the truth.
“why can’t they work something out,like not inside the house? seems silly to break off because of a bad habit,would you end it because the girl bites her nails?”
There is no such thing as second hand nail biting.
When my daughter was in shidduchim a Lakewood boy was suggested to her. Since a smoker was a deal breaker, I inquired, & was told: “for the right girl I’m sure he’ll stop”. My daughter refused the date.
A few thing. First of all, you’d be hard pressed to find a Yeshiva guy who never tried a cigarette. So any one who says that they’ll NEVER marry anyone who smokes/smoked…. I guess try to enjoy the single life. Second point, and this is in response to bjjkid, I think its foolish to say,
” dont get all self righteous about something that is not ur nisayon”
That isnt their nisayon, they MADE it their nisayon! They gave them self an addiction. Because I’m not an addict does that mean I was spared a nisayon? No. They chose to inflict themselves with something they could have easily avoided.
That should be mentioned before they even go out!!!
In response to 1987
I would assume based on your comments that you are most probably still single.
Absolutely Not
I wouldnt want a smoker…but I dated a guy who smoked in social situatons. Theres no way to lie abt smoking…cause even if they use mouthwash, u smell it on their clothes and in their car.
In this day and age, nobody can argue that it is okay to smoke. When I was in yeshiva in E”Y, one yeshiva was half American and half Israeli. The American contingent put a petition together trying to ban smoking in the yeshiva building. They got over a hundred signatures, and brought the petition to the rosh yeshiva, who refused to enact the ban because one of the magidei shiurim was a heavy smoker and smoked in the building regularly. Unfortunately, the magid shiur died a couple of years later from lung cancer – before the age of 45!!
JackD, how do you even equate smoking and nail biting? The latter is not at all harmful compared to smoking which is to the person who smokes and those around him/her.
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If the OP is asking this question then she does not have a strong feeling about the matter. OP: If you like the guy and everything else is fine, and you personally do not mind the smoking, then go for it. Why would you allow yourself to be influenced by what someone else would do?
I would…if she were insured for $5 millon, and I was marriing for the money.
But in my case, since I married for the purpose of living a healthy productive life with a spouse to match, the answer is no.
And if my son started smoking while in yeshiva (or married and on my payroll)… I’d cut of the funding in a NY minute.
Zero tolerance for this.
Absolutely not! Total deal breaker.
Putting aside that I’m already married (to a non-smoker, non-drinker, non-drug user)…
In theory its a deal breaker. But if I met a great guy or I heard of a great guy, it would be something to consider. Also, is he a casual smoker? Like 1-2 times a month when he gets together with some friends or a pack a day-er? Makes a big difference.
I think its easier to compromise on a flaw after you know the person. Many “flaws” (real or imagined) go out the window.
and second hand smoke hasn’t been proven either.
never even consider someone overweight…If we were to rule out all heavy people and smokers the shidduch crisis will reach new levels of hysteria
Jack Daniels…
Biting nails IS a disgusting habit, but will NOT kill the person doing it, nor leave their mate a young widow/er, or their children fatherless or motherless. It will also NOT make their car and home STINK or expose their family to harmful chemicals.
Smoking DOES do those things.
To: Cedarhurst…
Any girl who would make that “compromise” should make sure her smoking husband has a big, paid up life insurance policy.
popa…I just want to point out to you that not all overweight people are pigs.I was slim most of my life and might have wondered about the person’s eating habits myself—UNTIL the last few years when I am trying to lose some weight myself.
1.I could have skipped breakfast lunch and supper—but to a passerby,I LOOK like I don’t skip anything! Why? Because my valiant dieting efforts are not drastically noticeable just yet.
2.I recently walked several miles,to and from a doctor’s appt.And I thought to myself:You’d never know I just walked a marathon!I look exactly the same as I did yesterday!
sorry until i see consistent medical proof that smoking directly kills i don’t see the big deal health wise,if were talking about the smell bothering is something else. but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.
When I was a Bochur, I was never redd to any girls who smoke, so I never really thought of the question.
And no,I never fast to diet,I’m just making a point.
too much challah and cholent will lead to obesity. Shabbos is the greatest day of the week but the absolute worst for dieters
Why I bother: PS- I am married, B”H. It is common to say all yeshiva boys smoke, but that is not true. Yes, many smoke, but smart people who value their life, and know how to control their “taivos” can make it through yeshiva without smoking. I have 4 brothers, and 2 brothers in laws, all of whom never smoked. In my family, we grew up knowing that smoking is DISGUSTING, DUMB, AND DEADLY!
Jack Daniels: “but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
I guess you never had the “zechus” to be at the levaya of a smoker who died of lung cancer, leaving behind a widow and young orphans, who will suffer because of his foolish mistake for the rest of their lives. Belive me, I was there, and continue to see this family suffer. NOT to break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me! Very stupid!
“sorry until i see consistent medical proof that smoking directly kills i don’t see the big deal health wise,if were talking about the smell bothering is something else. but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
forget about the health ishue for a minute, its simply GROSS. who wants to live with someone who always STINKS??
while that maybe true why is it okay to compromise on other things and not this? if its not in the house there’s no issue of second hand you wouldn’t tell someone to stop eating all oily food cause it isn’t good for them why is this so different?
I hear the argument on health issues, but if you refuse to date a smoker because he smells, you better be a size 2 and smoking pretty, or I have no pity.
There is an excellent video MADE FOR YESHIVA BOCHURIM by Rabbi Shaul Cohn of Boston,Mass.about the dangers of smoking.
I personally purchased a few of them: One to show my own bochurim, and the other 2 I sent to my sons’ yeshivos.
Rabbi Shmuel Kaminetzky (shlita) personally introduces the presentation,followed by the fellow who
shows (with video clips and other visual info.)JUST HOW BAD SMOKING IS….and how many addictions start from “just trying one cigarette”.I highly recommend it.
1dayatatime:
Yes, I do know something about addictions. You can’t become addicted until you start. You have the choice to start or not. So once you start smoking, it is your own fault. And if you are blaming it on peer pressure, I am sorry you don’t have enough backbone to stand up to peer pressue.
“but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
and what does it say about the smoker who will break a shidduch but not break his bad habit?
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