Would you marry a smoker?
Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Would you marry a smoker?
- This topic has 133 replies, 46 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by aries2756.
January 6, 2011 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #594001
If you really liked someone while dating and then you found out that, that person smokes, would you go through with it, in the hopes that maybe they’ll quit, or would that be a deal breaker?January 6, 2011 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #725940
Deal-breaker.So ask beforehand.January 6, 2011 5:40 pm at 5:40 pm #725941
if that is a deal breaker than there will be a ton of singles, as unfortuanatly I see many yeshiva guys hanging out at 7/11 smoking…January 6, 2011 5:41 pm at 5:41 pm #725942TheGoqParticipant
that depends will i have choice between lox and turkey?January 6, 2011 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #725943MDGParticipant
Got asthma – complete deal breaker.
I once had a chavruta that smoked in the evening. His breath would make me cough the next morning when we would learn.January 6, 2011 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #725944
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER !!!!!!!!!!
I would never go near a smoker with a 20 foot pole. I would dump him before we could even walk out the front door! Of course, it never even came to a first date, because I did extensive research on each boy to find out the truth. I did not just take the shadchan’s word for it, I sent my own people to get the real scoop, and find out if he ever smoked, even years back.January 6, 2011 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #725945SacrilegeMember
Not a deal breaker.January 6, 2011 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #725946oomisParticipant
Ditto. Absolute deal-breaker. No ifs, ands, or (cigarette) butts.January 6, 2011 5:51 pm at 5:51 pm #725947AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
As I once saw on a bumper sticker…
“Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, and selfish thing to do.”
I think that sums it all up pretty well.January 6, 2011 5:57 pm at 5:57 pm #725948dunnoMember
No.January 6, 2011 6:03 pm at 6:03 pm #725950cutie pieMember
I would find out before. I can’t stand smokers!! And it’s gonna eventually kill him or give him lung sicknesses….. I wouldn’t take the chance. If he smokes, he’s showing he doesn’t take life seriously. Why would I want to marry someone who doesn’t value life?!?!?!!?
I know that nowadays all the bachurim smoke, but I would make sure the guy who I marry will NOT be one of those guys!!!January 6, 2011 6:03 pm at 6:03 pm #725951CedarhurstMember
There aren’t enough guys and too many girls. So some girls will have to compromise for a smoker.January 6, 2011 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #725952
why can’t they work something out,like not inside the house? seems silly to break off because of a bad habit,would you end it because the girl bites her nails?January 6, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #725953
I’m allergic to smoke.How romantic is coughing?January 6, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #725954bjjkidParticipant
does he smoke or is he a smoker? dont get all self righteous about something that is not ur nisayon…..January 6, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #725955cutie pieMember
Sorry, but that will definitely NOT be me!!!!!!January 6, 2011 6:10 pm at 6:10 pm #725956smartcookieMember
A cigarette in Yeshiva because “everyone does it”, wouldn’t bother me as long as it remains a Yeshiva thing.
But smoking out of Yeshiva?? NO NO NOJanuary 6, 2011 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #725957popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Let’s apply these arguments to other unhealthy habits.
Smoking is not nearly as unhealthy as being overweight, which is why being overweight should be a complete dealbreaker.
Overeating is a filthy disgusting and selfish habit. You are ruining your life and your kids lives when they lose their mother to heart disease.
The yeshivos and seminaries should teach that it is important to value life, and that one should never even consider someone overweight.
I do extensive research to find out if the person was ever overweight, and I make sure they are telling the truth.January 6, 2011 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #725958
“why can’t they work something out,like not inside the house? seems silly to break off because of a bad habit,would you end it because the girl bites her nails?”
There is no such thing as second hand nail biting.January 6, 2011 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #725959always hereParticipant
When my daughter was in shidduchim a Lakewood boy was suggested to her. Since a smoker was a deal breaker, I inquired, & was told: “for the right girl I’m sure he’ll stop”. My daughter refused the date.January 6, 2011 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #725960SacrilegeMember
A few thing. First of all, you’d be hard pressed to find a Yeshiva guy who never tried a cigarette. So any one who says that they’ll NEVER marry anyone who smokes/smoked…. I guess try to enjoy the single life. Second point, and this is in response to bjjkid, I think its foolish to say,
” dont get all self righteous about something that is not ur nisayon”
That isnt their nisayon, they MADE it their nisayon! They gave them self an addiction. Because I’m not an addict does that mean I was spared a nisayon? No. They chose to inflict themselves with something they could have easily avoided.January 6, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #725961miamigirl613Member
That should be mentioned before they even go out!!!January 6, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #725962Why I BotherMember
In response to 1987
I would assume based on your comments that you are most probably still single.January 6, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #725963miamigirl613Member
Absolutely NotJanuary 6, 2011 6:30 pm at 6:30 pm #725964cshapiroMember
I wouldnt want a smoker…but I dated a guy who smoked in social situatons. Theres no way to lie abt smoking…cause even if they use mouthwash, u smell it on their clothes and in their car.January 6, 2011 6:32 pm at 6:32 pm #725965LBKParticipant
In this day and age, nobody can argue that it is okay to smoke. When I was in yeshiva in E”Y, one yeshiva was half American and half Israeli. The American contingent put a petition together trying to ban smoking in the yeshiva building. They got over a hundred signatures, and brought the petition to the rosh yeshiva, who refused to enact the ban because one of the magidei shiurim was a heavy smoker and smoked in the building regularly. Unfortunately, the magid shiur died a couple of years later from lung cancer – before the age of 45!!January 6, 2011 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #725966
Smoking is defenitely disgusting and unhealthy, but until you’re in their shoes, i think you can’t judge
As far as selfish and not taking life seriously, that would be a very wrong judgement, because the person can be a wonderful giving person who partakes in a bad habit, and thats just something they need to work out on their own, or with healthy non-critical support
How many of you have smoked heavily and quit or tried to quit?January 6, 2011 6:39 pm at 6:39 pm #725967Mayan_DvashParticipant
JackD, how do you even equate smoking and nail biting? The latter is not at all harmful compared to smoking which is to the person who smokes and those around him/her.
;January 6, 2011 6:39 pm at 6:39 pm #725968tro11Member
If the OP is asking this question then she does not have a strong feeling about the matter. OP: If you like the guy and everything else is fine, and you personally do not mind the smoking, then go for it. Why would you allow yourself to be influenced by what someone else would do?January 6, 2011 6:41 pm at 6:41 pm #725969bptParticipant
I would…if she were insured for $5 millon, and I was marriing for the money.
But in my case, since I married for the purpose of living a healthy productive life with a spouse to match, the answer is no.
And if my son started smoking while in yeshiva (or married and on my payroll)… I’d cut of the funding in a NY minute.
Zero tolerance for this.January 6, 2011 6:50 pm at 6:50 pm #725970hudiParticipant
Absolutely not! Total deal breaker.January 6, 2011 6:51 pm at 6:51 pm #725971January 6, 2011 6:52 pm at 6:52 pm #725972SJSinNYCMember
Putting aside that I’m already married (to a non-smoker, non-drinker, non-drug user)…
In theory its a deal breaker. But if I met a great guy or I heard of a great guy, it would be something to consider. Also, is he a casual smoker? Like 1-2 times a month when he gets together with some friends or a pack a day-er? Makes a big difference.
I think its easier to compromise on a flaw after you know the person. Many “flaws” (real or imagined) go out the window.January 6, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #725973
and second hand smoke hasn’t been proven either.January 6, 2011 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #725974
never even consider someone overweight…If we were to rule out all heavy people and smokers the shidduch crisis will reach new levels of hysteriaJanuary 6, 2011 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm #725975AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
Biting nails IS a disgusting habit, but will NOT kill the person doing it, nor leave their mate a young widow/er, or their children fatherless or motherless. It will also NOT make their car and home STINK or expose their family to harmful chemicals.
Smoking DOES do those things.
Any girl who would make that “compromise” should make sure her smoking husband has a big, paid up life insurance policy.January 6, 2011 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #725976
Have you ever smoked?
Have you ever had the peer pressure of smoking?
And if you start talking about peer pressure, think of how many girls give in to peer pressure on many different levels, which guys can’t understand.
Do you know anything about addictions?
Do you even know how it comes about?January 6, 2011 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm #725977
popa…I just want to point out to you that not all overweight people are pigs.I was slim most of my life and might have wondered about the person’s eating habits myself—UNTIL the last few years when I am trying to lose some weight myself.
1.I could have skipped breakfast lunch and supper—but to a passerby,I LOOK like I don’t skip anything! Why? Because my valiant dieting efforts are not drastically noticeable just yet.
2.I recently walked several miles,to and from a doctor’s appt.And I thought to myself:You’d never know I just walked a marathon!I look exactly the same as I did yesterday!January 6, 2011 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #725978
sorry until i see consistent medical proof that smoking directly kills i don’t see the big deal health wise,if were talking about the smell bothering is something else. but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.January 6, 2011 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #725979lkwdfellowMember
When I was a Bochur, I was never redd to any girls who smoke, so I never really thought of the question.January 6, 2011 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #725980
And no,I never fast to diet,I’m just making a point.January 6, 2011 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #725981
too much challah and cholent will lead to obesity. Shabbos is the greatest day of the week but the absolute worst for dietersJanuary 6, 2011 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #725982
Why I bother: PS- I am married, B”H. It is common to say all yeshiva boys smoke, but that is not true. Yes, many smoke, but smart people who value their life, and know how to control their “taivos” can make it through yeshiva without smoking. I have 4 brothers, and 2 brothers in laws, all of whom never smoked. In my family, we grew up knowing that smoking is DISGUSTING, DUMB, AND DEADLY!January 6, 2011 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #725983
Jack Daniels: “but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
I guess you never had the “zechus” to be at the levaya of a smoker who died of lung cancer, leaving behind a widow and young orphans, who will suffer because of his foolish mistake for the rest of their lives. Belive me, I was there, and continue to see this family suffer. NOT to break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me! Very stupid!January 6, 2011 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #725984
“sorry until i see consistent medical proof that smoking directly kills i don’t see the big deal health wise,if were talking about the smell bothering is something else. but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
forget about the health ishue for a minute, its simply GROSS. who wants to live with someone who always STINKS??January 6, 2011 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #725985
while that maybe true why is it okay to compromise on other things and not this? if its not in the house there’s no issue of second hand you wouldn’t tell someone to stop eating all oily food cause it isn’t good for them why is this so different?January 6, 2011 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #725986popa_bar_abbaParticipant
I hear the argument on health issues, but if you refuse to date a smoker because he smells, you better be a size 2 and smoking pretty, or I have no pity.January 6, 2011 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #725987
There is an excellent video MADE FOR YESHIVA BOCHURIM by Rabbi Shaul Cohn of Boston,Mass.about the dangers of smoking.
I personally purchased a few of them: One to show my own bochurim, and the other 2 I sent to my sons’ yeshivos.
Rabbi Shmuel Kaminetzky (shlita) personally introduces the presentation,followed by the fellow who
shows (with video clips and other visual info.)JUST HOW BAD SMOKING IS….and how many addictions start from “just trying one cigarette”.I highly recommend it.January 6, 2011 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #725988BYgirlNJMember
Yes, I do know something about addictions. You can’t become addicted until you start. You have the choice to start or not. So once you start smoking, it is your own fault. And if you are blaming it on peer pressure, I am sorry you don’t have enough backbone to stand up to peer pressue.January 6, 2011 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #725989
“but 2 break a shidduch for that seems stupid to me.”
and what does it say about the smoker who will break a shidduch but not break his bad habit?
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.