Yeshivishe maaselach

Home Forums Humor & Entertainment Yeshivishe maaselach

Viewing 32 posts - 1 through 32 (of 32 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #589609

    Jothar
    Member

    The “lavud” mention in the multiple screen name thread got me thinking about one of my favorite yeshivishe maaselach. It was in middle of the winter, and the heat’s on way too high. I surreptitiously crack open a window, hoping the complainer wouldn’t notice. Sure enough, he soon notices and comes over to complain. I told him that the window was open less than 3 tefachim, so it had a din of “lavud”, and was lomdishly closed. Unfortunately he didn’t buy it.

    #897115

    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    Jothar, very funny. Just saw it.

    Reminds me of a friend who says that klal yisroel is great because no other nation has ever figured out how to make an eruv that allows you to carry on Saturday.

    #897116

    oomis
    Participant

    I told him that the window was open less than 3 tefachim, so it had a din of “lavud”, and was lomdishly closed. Unfortunately he didn’t buy it.

    Cute.

    #897117

    believer
    Participant

    i dont understand

    #897118

    One of the chevra
    Participant

    A shkoyich takke’, It was mamish a gevaldiger shtarke yeshivisher joke there, I hope the oilem chapped the teefa lomdus of it!

    #897119

    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    Yeshivish car bumper sticker-Warning can explode at any moment!

    #897120

    believer
    Participant

    i guess i dont understand this joke bec im chasidish? is it a yeshivisha pj?(for anyone doesnt know what that means-it means private joke)

    is it a pj?

    #897121

    shaatra
    Member

    The ‘olem’ didn’t ‘chap’

    #897122

    Jothar
    Member

    Pashuteh, thanks for rescuing this thread from limbo!

    If you have to explain a joke, it isn’t funny, but lavud is a classic lomdus to make physical gaps lomdishly disappear when they are less than 3 tefachim. It is usually mentioned by hilchos sukkah.

    #897123

    Jothar
    Member

    Years ago, when I was a bochur in an out-of-town yeshiva, I went with a friend of mine to someone for shabbos. Rhis guy liked reading in the bathroom, and took an inordinate amount of time. We had a dirah-like dorm with one bathroom, and this guy naturally caused other to knock on the door to get him to hurry.

    So we’re there for Shabbos. We’re getting ready for bed. He uses the bathroom first. He starts reading a Reader’s Digest he found in there. Sure enough, he hears a knocking. He decides to be mean to me and comes out 45 minutes later. The problem was, it wasn’t me knocking. It was the very expectant baalabosta!

    #897124

    yeshivahman
    Member

    The Oilam in yeshiva were discussing why you have to make a kinyan when you get married the gemara rfers to it as an Aveidah? so an eltere Bochur saya because we were long “meyayish” and an older yungerman say es iz gurnit a metziah

    #897125

    Jothar
    Member

    Yeshivaman- loved it!Shkoyach!

    #897126

    feivel
    Participant

    believer

    if a gap (space) of less than 3 tephachim is present between two parts of a mechitza or between the mechitza and the ground, we consider the space AS IF it were a solid closed part of the mechitza

    #897127

    squeak
    Participant

    Similarly, by shidduchim, as long as the gap (space) in ages between the chosson and the kallah is 3 years or less, it is as if there is no age gap ๐Ÿ˜€

    #897128

    Jothar
    Member

    In some yeshiva cholents the meat is bottul beshishim…

    I once heard of a guy who nicknamed his bed “lernin”. When the mashgiach would ask where he was, he would say “I was ligt in lernin”.

    #897129

    Feif Un
    Participant

    feivel: you say if there’s a space of less than 3 tefachim between parts of a mechitza it’s considered closed? You’ve obviously never been on the bus from Boro Park to Monsey (although it’s been years since I was on it!)

    If there’s an opening of an inch you’ll have 5 chassidim jumping to fix it!

    Maybe that’s why believer didn’t get it…

    #897130

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    Reminds me of the Brisker talmid who told his son that he can drink the hot tea because it was in a kli shlishi. So by being afraid to drink from it, is showing a lack in emunah. ;

    #897131

    squeak
    Participant

    I think that lovud only works vertically. Am I wrong about that?

    Also, there is a difference depending on what the mechitza is for. For example, a glass mechitza does not work for ervah (you cannot daven if there is a wall of glass between you and someone dressed inappropriately). So the bus mechitza should be all the way closed, if you need it at all. It would work for tzoieh (excrement).

    Now that brings to mind the famous ma’aseh with a choshuver yungerman (happened long time ago, and he is a very chashuva person) and his R”Y. Out of the clear blue, he goes over to the R”Y and asks him, “Is the Rosh Yeshiva considered tzoieh or ervah?” He was asking regarding the chiyuv to stand for an adam gadol – and if a mechitza between them of glass makes a difference (I believe the correct answer is that it does not). The R”Y was the type to appreciate such sharfness, so he readmitted the talmid after kicking him out of the yeshiva.

    #897132

    Jothar
    Member

    Squeak, according the the chazon ish, glass mechitzos do work if you close your eyes. I was once at a chasunah seated at a mixed table with women who weren’t dressed properly. I started taking off my glass to bentch but was told by a chashuv yungerman next to me that it was better to wear the glasses and just shut my eyes based on the chazon ish. There was an article recently in the Yated about this concept of “ashashis”. I believe most do argue though.

    #897133

    Jothar
    Member

    Another good lavud joke:

    Story: A thief once took advantage of a crack in a succah wall, to reach in and steal a pair of silver candle sticks. When the incident came to the attention of the Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodzinsky, zatzal, he remarked that thief must have been an am ha’aretz – someone ignorant of Jewish law. “A Torah Scholar could never have done such a thing,” jested the rabbi. “Knowing the din of lavud (that the halacha considers a break smaller than three handbreadths as though it is sealed), a Torah Scholar would never have been able get his hand through!

    #897134

    feivel
    Participant

    squeak

    lavud works horizontally as well

    #897135

    squeak
    Participant

    thank you feivel. I stand corrected.

    Jothar, glasses??

    #897136

    Jothar
    Member

    No, glass. I wear a monocle. It goes well with my pocketwatch and steampunk smartphone.

    #897137

    HaQer
    Member

    I wear special sunglasses that were worn by the Gedolei Yisrael Shlita during Birchas Hachama whenever I need to say a beracha around an erva.

    #897138

    Jax
    Member

    HaQer: wow! how much does such an idem go for!? and where can i buy them online!? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #897139

    The_Cool_Jew
    Member

    BUMP!!!

    #897140

    The_Cool_Jew
    Member

    Any more stories?

    #897141

    Chortkov
    Participant

    I ????? don’t use a spoon – what with forks and lovud, I’m sorted!

    #897142

    frummy in the tummy
    Participant

    Jothar – if I were the guy (and I very well may have been; I hate the cold), I would have pushed you out the window. You wouldn’t be able to blame me for it, either, based on your own argument. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #897143

    Feif Un
    Participant

    When I was in yeshiva, someone once wrote the following on the board:

    1. Ein haTorah niknis elah l’mi she’meimis atzmo ba’avurah

    2. Chavrusah o misusa

    Moral: Don’t learn with a chavrusah!

    #897144

    frummy in the tummy
    Participant

    feif +1

    #897145

    uneeq
    Member

    Shabbos meal in yeshiva they would joke- “Don’t worry about putting the chicken (davar gush) on the on the (uncooked) rice….The chicken is cold!

Viewing 32 posts - 1 through 32 (of 32 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.