October 7, 2021 1:27 pm at 1:27 pm #2013277mesivta bachurParticipant
how old should a bachur be when he starts shidduchim (asking for a friend)October 7, 2021 1:37 pm at 1:37 pm #2013321
16 or 17. By 18 Chazal say he should be getting married already.October 7, 2021 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #2013351
As soon as he can start to able to repoduce [about 14]October 7, 2021 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #2013419GadolhadorahParticipant
CS: Correct for a change. One of the most progressive U.S. states, Massachusetts, authorizes marriages for boys at 14 YO and for girls at 12 YO.October 7, 2021 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #2013433October 7, 2021 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #2013435ShtarkButRelatableParticipant
Hey troll, why dont you take you and your trolling comments back to your troll hole where you and your other trolls troll from, me and my peers are trying to discuss real world issues to better the world; such as socialism, sizeism, antisemitism, racism, sexism, muslims, and hypnotizm… when you graduate from yeshiva feel free to join the club. Have a great shabbosOctober 7, 2021 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #2013434
Currently, when they are mature 21 or 22.October 7, 2021 8:55 pm at 8:55 pm #2013451
Until 4 years ago, the minimum are for marriage in the State of New York was 14, for both groom and brideOctober 7, 2021 9:08 pm at 9:08 pm #2013459
Reb Eliezer, many chasanim are mature and do get married before age 21.October 8, 2021 8:04 am at 8:04 am #20135735TResidentParticipant
When he’s completed his education and has a good job with which he can support a spouse and not be a burden on parents, in-laws, the government or Klal Yisroel.October 8, 2021 8:15 am at 8:15 am #2013589
5T: If we’d follow your absurd advice, huge swaths of Yidden would c’v remain single indefinitely.October 8, 2021 8:33 am at 8:33 am #2013608
ujm (in response to 5T and Rambam) > remain single indefinitely.
Classical example of moral hazard: person who gets insurance/vaccine/welfare becomes less careful.
If they remain single for a year, they might reconsider their life path.October 8, 2021 8:33 am at 8:33 am #2013607October 8, 2021 8:33 am at 8:33 am #2013606
The Rambam paskens in Hilchas Deas (5,11) the order from when to return from a battle, get parnasa, build a house and then get married. Asks the Kesef Mishna there, the Pasuk is mentiioning the planting of a vineyard (parnasa) after marriage? Explains the Chasam Sofer with an ingenious idea, the pasuk is talking about the fourth year (netei revei) which occurred after marriage but the plantation of the vineyard realy was before marriage.October 8, 2021 9:00 am at 9:00 am #2013624
It is also a catch 22: a lot of person’s success is due to his wife, so you don’t need to wait to be fully established to get married. Also, the wife will undoubtfully want to change how the person looks and what he does, so don’t get too settled and make her work hard (for you).October 8, 2021 9:01 am at 9:01 am #2013623
RebE, so, interpreting Chasam Sofer, one does not need to own the house clean and have a management job, but one needs to plant – a profession and a mortgage should suffice.
Another note: we are blessed to live at the time of abundance. There is no need to keep up with the Joneses. If someone wants to live in a cheap place and not spend extravagantly, and the bride is happy with that, he might not need a mortgage.October 8, 2021 9:28 am at 9:28 am #2013632Yserbius123Participant
Depends on your community and family. In many places, you’re expected to be self-sufficient before marrying, so you shouldn’t start until you’re in your mid to upper 20s. In some places, you need to have a plan and can rely on parents to start you off until you can be self sufficient in which case, lower 20s is fine. Or there are communities where you don’t have to have a plan, which in case there’s nothing wrong with starting at 19-20. Finally there’s Chassidish, Yerushalmi, and other very frum places where a chussun and kallah are just kids that start living together at night, but still very much family members eating at their father’s table, so they start by 16-17.October 8, 2021 9:35 am at 9:35 am #2013628GadolhadorahParticipant
UJM: If the welfare reform proposals of the most conservative members of Congress were adopted, federal welfare payments (housing/SNAP (aka “food stamps) tax credits etc. would be consolidated into an income-based block grant program with work requirements and caps for the number of “additional dependents” that can be added to each family unit until they have established their ability to reduce “long-term dependency”. While these proposal (which are unlikely to ever be adopted) were crudely targeting long-held stereotypes of generational welfare recipients in the minority community, there is no “carve-out” for ehrliche yidden in certain communities which actually have the highest welfare dependency ratios in New York State.
The issue of taxpayer subsidies to certain political subdivisions in NYS has been a political third rail for decades as these communities vote in a block. I’m not sure it would affect “wide swaths” of yidden but the notion of delaying the start of a family or linking your family’s growth to your ability to pay for their food, school, housing etc. is a highly sensitiive issue and goes well beyond “shidduchim” at ANY age.
This is not a thread on welfare reform policy so I’ll stop here.October 8, 2021 9:36 am at 9:36 am #2013631
The Chasam Sofer above is mentiined in Mayanei Shel Torah.October 8, 2021 10:43 am at 10:43 am #2013649
“@ujm, and who said thats a bad thing?”
Hashem in His Torah.October 8, 2021 11:28 am at 11:28 am #2013657
UJM, the torah also has a thing called a kesubah in case you have forgot.October 8, 2021 12:15 pm at 12:15 pm #2013669mesivta bachurParticipant
yserb not super shayach if I was Yerushalmi I would already have kids by nowOctober 8, 2021 6:09 pm at 6:09 pm #2013717
Halacha describes what age one must marry by. No need to reinvent the wheel. Simply follow the Halacha.
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