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- This topic has 60 replies, 38 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by Forwhatitsworth.
February 22, 2016 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #1139238Bubba21Participant
You are right. I do have a chip on my shoulder, a huge chip in fact, because I feel that this irresponsible division in the frum community must be fixed. Most of it is based on false premises. Imagine if R’ Nosson Tzvi Zt”l was denied a date because he went to a modern high school (much more modern than YU)!? We have to stop looking at where someone went and instead look at where he is heading. It is ridiculous to claim to know someone just based on the institution he attends/attended. There is absolutely no downside to accepting this date and trying it out. There is only upside.February 22, 2016 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #1139239golferParticipant
Are you new at this? Or have you been through the shidduch system in all its wonder and glory a few times already?
One of the most important things to consider is- WHO is redting the shidduch?
If the shadchan has a brain and knows your daughter and knows the boy, then you don’t have to obsess over the finer points, like which yeshivas he attended. Presumably the shadchan knows them well enough to see that their Yiddishkeit, both in terms of hashkafa and practice, is compatible. And they’ll figure out the rest when they actually get a chance to speak to each other.
If the shadchan doesn’t know the parties well, you might want to be more careful. As a general rule, some yeshivas, especially some of the larger ones, have a more diverse student body than girls’ seminaries. If there are any questions you want to ask about the young man regarding his level of observance or what type of home and lifestyle he aspires to, ask his references, his Rabbayim or his friends. (Again, if there’s someone you can speak to who happens to know both the young man and your daughter, that would be most helpful.) Their answers will give you a lot more practical advice than the CR rating of his yeshiva.February 22, 2016 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #1139240flatbusherParticipant
I think it’s wrong to disqualify someone based on where he or she attended. Do your checking and then proceed. There are plenty of excellent bochurim from YU while other yeshivos have less quality (despite the crowing of the father of newly engaged daughter that the future son in law is the best bochur in yeshiva!)February 22, 2016 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #1139241The QueenParticipant
Lady are you seriously asking a bunch of strangers on the internet if your daughter should go out with a certain boy???
??? ?? ??!!February 22, 2016 11:05 pm at 11:05 pm #1139242YUmachurMember
@bubba.. I think you should go for the YU boss because not only does he know business but hes pashut a tzadik also. YU bosses want good the same as MIR bosses. Only difference is YU Boss not only follows halcha but also follows American Law!February 24, 2016 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #1139243yehoshua613Member
I went to YU and was the distributor of the Aguda’s Jewish Observor magazine. I wore and continue to wear a kipa sruga. YU has all the hashkofos (except for Neturay Karta) that are found in the Yeshivishe Velt. In my eyes (and I assume Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s as well, yes I AM talking in His (or Her) Place), they are ALL “kosher” hashkafos.
Why in Heaven’s name have we put on ourselves artificial labels?! Is this what we are going to be asked on Yom HaDin?! Or, “Noasata Venotato B’Emunah”? The bottom line is the Shulhan Aruch, do we believe in it or not? Loshon Hara, Motzi Shem Ra are WORSE than eating Hazer, yet to even ask such a question in the public ether is tolerated?! Oy lanu meyom Hadin… that we have reached such a level of stupidity, and I don’t have any other words for this kind of question. Does it really make a difference if someone says a Mishberach for our brave Israeli soldiers who protect the yeshiva bochurim in Meah Shearim just as they do for the kollels in Tel Aviv? Yes! Tel Aviv! Is it a sin today to say Misheberach for the soldiers in Ponovich or Mir on Shabbos? Is this Hakaras Hatov that the Yeshiva world has for the soldiers who give their lives in protecting them? All I can say is stupidity and fear were the first 2 aveiros that Adam and Chava committed in Gan Eden, you may say the root is lack of Hakoras Hatov as well, something which we in Golus and in Israel still seem to be suffering 6000 years later because we did not learn their lesson.February 24, 2016 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #1139244squeakParticipant
Wonderful stuff you picked up.February 28, 2016 10:41 pm at 10:41 pm #1139245ExcellenceParticipant
You can scheme all you want. It will be the Heavenly Court who decides who marries who. The Heavenly shadchans work through the worldly agents. It does not matter if the family or inlaws disapprove – or even rage fire – the hearts of all people are in the hands of Ribono shel olam. It is only our mistakes from our past life that causes interference.
Follow the advice of the Chafetz Chaim, befriend the accusers, your road becomes straighter.July 14, 2019 7:01 am at 7:01 am #1757695RedlegParticipant
Why would any self respecting YU bachur, or any yeshiva bachur for that matter, want to marry your daughter if it meant getting you for a mother-in-law. frankly, your concerns expressed above are trivial to the point of silliness. It is for cases such as this that Chazal tell us that a potential Chasan/Kallah need not follow their parents desires.July 14, 2019 7:49 am at 7:49 am #17577441stepatatimeParticipant
I grew up in the YU/MO world while my wife identifies with the Yeshivish world. There are definitely hashkafic issues that we disagree on (not halachik issues –unless you consider wearing a black hat a halachik issue). Ultimately, with our kids we choose to send them to more yeshivish places even though I have my personal reservations. We have been married almost 15 years and are able to make compromises on almost every hashkafic issue. She prefers to listen to Torah AnyTime and I prefer YU Torah. But basically, because we both have the same goal of growing closer to hashem, it works for us.July 14, 2019 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #1757929ForwhatitsworthParticipant
It is not so complicated. Is your daughter mainstream BJJ. How relatively yeshivish is she?? This question will broaden or bridge the gap. And as for him , look more into him what is his hashkafa… where does he want to send to school darchei kav or drs kav ? Chaim Berlin ? MTA?? This will give you an indication where he’s holding! Which will also bridge or broaden the gap. A miut hamatzuy of guys in yu are yeshivish, probably picked up the hashkafa in Israel or wherever .. and are there for family reasons. Just like any other Bochur u got to practically see if it’s in the ballpark…
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