yakovBA06

I’d like to give my prespective on what being a חסיד means to me as im a בעל תשובה
Throughout my life I’ve wanted to do something with yiddishkeit even when I wasn’t a following anything
I would see other jews and many of them would be chasidim and sometimes litvaks and I would wonder why weren’t we (for context my family comes from a secular ex soviet background) like that? we’re jewish after all, and the same respond was “we aren’t like that”, or “how about we take away all your stuff on saturdays” and some things that would make yiddishkeit seem scary or weird or “restricting” when in reality its not like that, but younger me didn’t realize that. some time passed and I didn’t care at all for many things when it came to religion, but a long time back I got in contact with the right people and I went from learning some things but not fully implimenting, to trying my best to serve השם with a slow and healthy growth.
Im specifically a breslover chassid of yaakov meir shechter, but I live in america, some ask me how am I a chassid of his if i barely see him or never really met him and it can be very discouraging at times especially because right now im not in a chasidishe enviorment, but part of being a chassid is getting back up and not letting little things bother you, and also pulling yourself back up when you fall down which has happened often more in my earlier years but not as much now, but even when it does, its a test from HKB”H to see how we truly love and fear him. Being a chassid and being within the enviorment when I can has taught me to yearn for HaShem and serve him with joy and happiness, albeit with a fear of HaShem as well, it’s very important to have both love and fear, and showing that through our actions and how we grow. I connect with yaakov meir shechter (and other tzadikim, I chose to be a chassid of yaakov meir shechter as the community and hashkafa speaks to me the most.) through their teachings, though I’ve met other rebbes and try to surround myself among other chasidim when I can. I’ve been through all parts of the jewish world, litvish, sephardic and chasidish and from those experiences I’ve found my way to where I am now, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life and I want to grow and serve HKB”H to the best of my ability even if it is slow and I don’t know as much as others. sometimes I wish thing would just appear in my mind and have it be easier to understand certain things like what im learning or some other things, someone once asked me “why do you do this if its going to be such a hard life for you?” and I respond back saying if it was easy, it wouldnt be avodah, afterall yiddishkeit is avodas HaShem. Some people like to bring up marriage as an example and say “you should be THIS way instead it’d be easier, you won’t make it this way” “you aren’t this, THIS is the right way”, but I don’t let it get to me, I know if I do HaShem right he’ll do the same back, and even if he doesn’t, I serve HaShem because I want to, thats what we all (or all should strive to) do, we do things not JUST because we have to but because we WANT to, being a chassid is doing 2x more than what is required of us, because our entire lives as not just chasidim, but yidn, our entire existence is to serve HaShem, and also if we can serve him with joy and happiness. my favorite example of doing 2x more is that we are told we shouldn’t and can’t be depressed or angry, so what do we do? we do the exact OPPOSITE of being angry and depressed, we do things to make ourselves happy AND spread the joy through serving HaShem with others. joy destroys the yetzer Hara and makes us want to do mitzvos. At times it’s easier said than done and when we struggle with things it can get the best of us sometimes, but we have to push ourselves out of the hole of sadness and instead remind ourselves that we are yidn, that in itself should fill us with joy and happiness and the ratzon to connect with the HKB”H through learning and studying and whatever mitzvos we can. Without the teachings of the baal shem tov, I don’t know where I would be, there is something about the chasidish lifestyle that brings this feeling out of me that I don’t think I could find among other circles. that doesnt mean im putting down anyone else, this is just the way I serve HKB”H. theres a reason why theres so different minhagim like ashkenazi sefardi chasidish, and the many many sub minhagim among these categories, it’s because theyre all ways to serve HaShem and specifically catered for each yid to find his way in serving HaShem. Being chasidish is my way.