[Halachically Speaking appears on YWN weekly, Tuesdays and Thursdays]�

Written by Rabbi�Moishe Dovid Lebovits of�KOF-K Kosher Supervision

The obligation of standing up for a parent is somewhat neglected and is not practiced as frequently as other areas of�halacha. In this issue we will discuss the obligation, reason and different details related to this�halacha. How many times a day? How long to stand? What if one is�davening? Is this�halacha�relevant in all situations? If the son is the father�s�Rebbi�does the�halacha�change? Does�mechilahhelp? What about an older brother or father-in–law? All these and other issues will be addressed in this issue.

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The Source

The�Gemorah[1]�states that when�Rav Yosef�heard his mother�s footsteps he would rise because the�Shechinah�(his mother) was coming.[2]�From this story the�poskim�maintain that one is obligated to stand up for a parent.[3]�There are those�poskim�who maintain that this�halacha�falls under the category of�kibud av v�eim�and not revering (fearing) one�s parent.[4]

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Many of the�halachos�regarding standing for a parent are derived from the�halachos�that require one to stand for a�chacham�/rebbi. We will make reference to those�halachos�from time to time.

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Mother and Father / Daughter and Son

The obligation applies to standing up for a mother just as it does for a father. In addition, it applies to a daughter just as it applies to a son.[5]

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Young Child

A young child who is able to learn�Gemorah�should be trained to stand for a parent.[6]�Others say this applies when they are old enough to understand this�mitzvah�which is about ten years old.[7]

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Father is not a�Talmid Chacham

The�halacha�applies to a parent who is not a�talmid chacham, but rather a simple person. In addition, it applies to a parent who is young as well.[8]

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Son is His Father�s�Rebbi

The�Gemorah[9]�discusses a case of a son who is his father�s�Rebbi.�Does the son have to stand up for his father, and does the father have to stand up for his son? There is no conclusion, but some�poskimmaintain that the son is required to stand up for his father and the father does not have to stand up for his son.[10]��The�Aruch Hashulchan[11]�offers the following reason: since the final�halacha�is doubtful because the�Gemorah�has no conclusion, it is a�sofeik�in the�halacha�of�kibud av v�eim�which is a�d�oraisa.�Therefore, we take the stringent approach and the son has to stand for his father. By the same token, it is forbidden for the father to stand for his son. Although both the son and father can forgo their honor, it is preferred that the son forgo his honor and stand for his father than for the father to forgo his honor and stand for his son. However, the�halacha�is in accordance with the opinion that both should stand up for each other.[12]

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However, the�Rama[13]�adds that, �If the son wants to forgo his honor he may and the son would have to stand up for his father. However, this should only be done in private or in public where people know who his father is. If the son is a giant in�Torah�and not everyone knows who is father is, there is a concern that it will be a disgrace if the son stands up for his father. One should further himself from each other in this situation in order not to belittle the other one.�[14]

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Parent or Son is Blind�r�l

An interesting question arises whether a son is obligated to stand for a blind parent�r�l. The consensus of the�poskim�is that he should stand.[15]

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Hearing the Parent Coming

The�Aruch Hashulchan[16]�(and others)[17]�maintains that the obligation to stand begins when one hears his parent�s steps, as we see from the story of�Rav Yosef.�However, this is not the overwhelming custom.[18]�Even the stringent opinion only obligates the son if he hears the parent approaching and is in the same room. If the parent is in a different room he does not have to stand.[19]

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Some relate that when an individual spoke to a certain�gadol�on the phone he would stand in order to give the proper honor. This is not required�l�halacha.[20]

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Within Your Four�Amos

There is a debate among the�poskim�as to when exactly one should stand.[21]�As a matter of�halacha�many�poskim�say that a person must stand once he can see his parent[22]�walking into the room, and not merely when the father walks into his four�amos.[23]

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How Many Times

The�poskim�discuss how many times a day does on have to stand up for a parent. The�halacha�is that one only has to stand up for his�Rebbi�once in the morning and once in the afternoon.[24]�This is the opinion of the�Rama;[25]�therefore�Ashkenazim�do not have to stand up for a parent more than twice a day if the people present know that he stood up twice. However, if the people present are not aware of this, then one must stand up again.[26]�However,�Sefardim�have to stand up for a parent even one hundred times a day.[27]�This is based on the opinions of those who hold one has to stand up each time a parent walks into a room etc.[28]

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Who Are Considered Strangers

As mentioned above, if the people present did not know that one stood up for his parent he is obligated to stand up even one hundred times. Family members are not considered strangers.[29]

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Parent Reaches His Place or Out of Line of Vision

The obligation for one to stand for his parent endures until the parent reaches his destination and/or sits down.[30]�However, if the parent remains standing in the same room then the child must remain standing. Nonetheless, if a parent stops to talk to someone on the phone or to chat with someone for a long time then one may sit.[31]

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If the parent enters a different room then the son does not have to remain standing.[32]

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Once a parent either reaches his destination or is no longer in the child�s line of vision,[33]�the child may sit down.

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Even if Parent Does Not Know

The son is obligated to stand even if the parent does not know that the son is doing so for him.[34]�For example, if a father walks into the room while engaged in a complex discussion and the son is sitting unobtrusively in the corner he still has to stand up. In addition, if a parent does not recognize his son (he is sick�r�l) the son still has to stand for him. This is done as a respect for the father that others should see one has honor for him.[35]

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Separate Room

A son who is sitting in one room does not have to stand up if the parent enters a different room.[36]�To illustrate: if the child is sitting on a porch and sees his parent walking on the street, or if one is inshul�and sees his mother on the balcony in the women�s section, no standing is required.[37]�Furthermore, different rooms in the same house are considered a separate area.[38]

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In addition, if a parent passes in a car even within four�amos�one does not have to stand since it is a different room.[39]

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Leaning on Something

There is a discussion in the�poskim�if leaning on an object is permitted while one is standing for a parent.[40]�Certainly, one should avoid leaning to the extent that he would fall if the item were removed.�[41]�While some permit this,[42]�it is preferable not to lean on anything while standing for a parent.

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Son is Standing

If the son is standing when a parent walks into the room, it is preferable that he sit down and then stand up out of respect for the parent.[43]

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Leaving Right Away

It should be obvious that the son is standing for a parent.[44]�Therefore, if one stands for his parent he should not leave immediately since it looks like he stood because he has to go take care of something. Rather he should sit down and then stand up and leave. Similarly, if one stood for his parent in�shul�and then needed to get a�sefer,�he should sit down first and then stand up and get thesefer.[45]�However, this rule does not apply before going to use the bathroom.[46]

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While Learning /�Davening[47]/�Berachos�/�Aliyah�/�Shatz

One must interrupt his learning to stand up for his parent.[48]�Similarly, one must stand up for a parent while�davening, even during�birchos krias shema.[49]�The same is true while reciting a�beracha.[50]When the father gets an�aliyah,�the son must stand for his father until he reaches the�bimah, and also when the parent leaves the�bimah.[51]�When the father is at the�bimah�no standing is required (aside from the�halachos�of standing during�leining) since the father is standing in a set place (see below).[52]

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If a son is standing on a�bimah�which is on a platform and his father walks by, some say there is no need to stand for the father (since the son is standing he would have to sit and then stand). The reason is since the�bimah�is considered a separate�reshus.[53]

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When a father serves as a�shatz�the son does not have to remain standing the entire�davening, but only when the father goes to and from the place where the�shatz�stands.[54]

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In The Bathhouse

There is no need to stand for a�talmid chacham�or an old person in a bathroom or bathhouse,[55]�because the standing is a show of honor and this is not an honorable place.[56]

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The�Rama[57]�says that this applies to the inner bathhouse (where people stand without clothes), but one does stand in the outer room.[58]�There is a discussion in the�poskim�if this�halacha�even applies to the parent.[59]�However, there are�poskim�who apply this�halacha�to a parent (as well as to ones�rebbi muvhak).[60]

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Swimming Pool

A question arises whether a son has to stand up for his parent in the swimming pool area. Since everyone is clothed somewhat at the pool it is not considered a disrespectful place, and the son should stand up.[61]

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Haircut

If a son is taking a haircut and a parent walks in the son is required to stand. However, he is not required to interrupt the barber. Nonetheless, if the barber stopped the haircut to get something and the parent walked in the son should stand.[62]

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On A Bus

One should rise from his seat on a bus to honor his parent.[63]�If there are no seats on the bus, the child has to give up his seat for his parent.[64]

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Working

According to the letter of the law, an employee may not stand up to honor his father because the wasted time would cause a loss to his employer.[65]�However, today�s employers are not concerned about the small amount of time it takes for one to stand for his parent and doing so is permitted.[66]�In addition, in the earlier years workers would sit on the floor and standing up would consume a lot of time. Today we sit on chairs, and standing up for a parent does not involve a lot of time. Therefore, the employer will not suffer any loss.[67]�Nonetheless, if standing would cause a loss to the employer, it is prohibited. For example, a bus driver may not stand if his father boards the bus as this will cause his employer a loss since the bus will be delayed until the father reaches his seat.[68]

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An�Avel r�l

A child who is sitting�shivah r�l�does not have to stand up when his parent enters the room;[69]�even to stand up a bit[70]�is not required,[71]�but the custom is to stand a bit.[72]�This does not apply toTisha B�Av�even though we are�aveilim�over the�churban.[73]�Others say that since today�s�shiva�visits consist of discussions about many other things besides�aveilus�there is no reason to exempt the�avelfrom the�mitzvah�of standing up for his parent.[74]

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Son is Sick�r�l

If the son is sick�r�l�he does not have to stand for a parent.[75]

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Parent in a Wheelchair / Bicycle

The�halacha�is that riding is like walking.[76]�Therefore, if a father or mother enter the room in a wheelchair the child has to stand up for the parent.[77]�The same is true for a parent who is riding a bicycle.[78]

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Parent Talking to You

One whose parent comes to talk to him should stand during the conversation (unless the parent instructs him to sit).[79]

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Trying to Avoid the�Mitzvah

A child should not take action to exempt himself from standing for a parent (it is not a good idea to do this for any�mitzvah). Therefore, he may not close his eyes before his parent enters the room in order not to sense his parent�s presence so he would not have to stand up.[80]�In addition, one should not sit in the front of the�shul�so as not to see when his father enters and not have to stand for him.[81]

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However, we mentioned earlier that one has to stand for a parent even if he stood twice (Ashkenazim) if he is in a place where people were not present when he stood. In this case, one may sit in the front of the�shul�so that he does not see his father walk into�shul, since he is doing so to avoid�maris ayin�and not to exempt himself from the�mitzvah�of standing.[82]

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Son in Pajamas and in Bed

A son who has changed into his night clothing does not have to stand since it is not an honorable act of standing.[83]�However, if he is lying on the couch or sofa in his regular clothes he is required to stand if his parent enters.[84]

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Son Holding a�Sefer Torah

If a son is holding a�Sefer Torah�on his lap and his father walks into�shul�he may not stand up since this is a lack of honor for the�Sefer Torah.[85]

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Mechilah

The�halacha�is that a father may be�mochel�on his honor.[86]��However, if the son asked that the father be�mochel�and the father was quiet it is not a valid�mechilah.[87]�In addition, the�mechilah�is only valid for a specific act if the son did not express that the�mechilah�should be forever.[88]�In any case it is not advisable to ask for�mechilah�forever from a parent.[89]�If the father is�mochel, the son should still stand a bit like he is standing out of his honor.[90]

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It is possible for a parent to be�mochel�from standing in their honor. However, if people are present one should stand a bit since they do not know that the parent was�mochel.[91]

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Some examples: According to the opinion that one has to stand for a parent even one hundred times, the following situation may warrant a�mechilah�forever from a parent. If a single son or married child lives with his parent he can ask�mechilah�forever not to stand up for them. This is also common if the son and father work in the same office together.[92]�However, according to the�Ashkenazimwho only require standing twice a day one should not ask for�mechilah�on this.

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It should be noted that if a father never said to his son to stand up for him when he walks into a room it is not an indication that the father was�mochel�his son in this�mitzvah.[93]

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Nonetheless, it should be pointed out that the Torah wants a sense of�hergesh�and honor between parent and son; therefore,�mechilah�should not be practiced. If one sees that his child is not fulfilling themitzvah�then�mechilah�would be beneficial.[94]

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Leniency

The�Aruch Hashulchan[95]�holds that the obligation to stand up for a parent applies only if the parent is walking in from the�beis medrash�or outside but not if the parent is going from one room to the next in the same house. Other�poskim�do not mention this leniency.[96]

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Lack of Knowledge

Some opine that the reason for the leniency is because the children of parents do not know the�halachos�of standing for a parent.[97]�Hopefully after this article that will change.

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Parent-In- Law / Other Relatives

For other relatives such as an in-law,[98]�older brother[99]�or grandparent,[100]�one does not have to stand the full height. Rather, the�mitzvah�requires that he stand a bit (unless they are over seventy[101]�or�chachamim).[102]