Dealing With A Bully

Most bullies are very troubled people. I think this should be the first consideration whether you are a parent tutor or victim.

Are you asking as an adult dealing with an adult bully or a parent whose child is being bullied?

Rabbi Dr. Twersky deals alot with this issue in his books and articles. He emphesizes that to overcome a bully you need to be assertive about the other person’s wrong doing WITHOUT coming across as being over emotional. When the bully sees that his pranks or insults do not ellict the response he/she wants, they move on to next person!

I have worked with young boys before and i have seen this…the good boys who don’t get tormented by the bullies, are those that are assertive and nonchalant…they simply say “whats your problem? go bother someone else” or “I don’t care what you have to say, your words/actions don’t bother me…”

It may take some time and a few unsuccessful attempts from the bully side to get the response he wants, but once bully realizes that he/she won’t get it from that kid, they get bored and move on to a differen victim…

Of course a teacher and principal should be consulted and advised about this but

it is a very important skill to teach a child to stand up for themselves in a non aggressive and assertive way.

tell me a little bit more about this bully, ?

Thanks for the laugh :).

I wish I had some advice for you…

most schools have anti-bullying education and programs in place these days. Have you contacted the school?

I know parents that encourge their kids to be bullies.

haifagirl,

I was waiting for someone to point that out- I should have know you’ll pull through! 🙂 Perhaps Obama is just craving some snack? 🙂

The man on the street concept is that a fat lip (metaphor) is very educational for these “troubled people.” I have had success in business broadcasting a distinct ‘dont mess with me’ message to those for whom it was necessary.

I would rather hear others’ opinions on this. There are two separate issues here, and they should be discussed individually. One thing is about how victims of bullying should handle the bully. There is a completely different issue how a school should deal with the bully. It needs to be borne in mind that bullies tend to be those with various forms of “pull”, either parents who are substantial supporters, good students themselves, or related/connected to senior faculty/administration. This usually leads to bullies being able to get away with their behavior for quite some time. It also explains why the victims, who are generally afraid to speak up, tend to be disbelieved, while the bullies are somehow trusted in their denial of responsibility. From my observation, it takes major interventions (expulsion or arrest) for a bully to stop and to change.

TLIK -“I would rather hear others’ opinions on this.”

I was bullied in school. Some of them turned out alright, but some of them, continued with their behavior. Which eventually, either they got divorced or had miserable marriage(s)!
A lot of the bullies had protectzia from people in charge.

LU -“Health – I’m so sorry that you had to suffer like that! It must be awful to be bullied”

So many bad things have happened to me, I don’t occupy my mind with any previous bullying!

LU -“It might have been the cause of the later happenings. The things that happen in one’s childhood can have lasting effects”

That’s very much a Freudian statement. I do believe in psychology​, but not in Freud. He was a big Apikorus!

RY – maskim. Looking at things from a Torah perspective means that while on the one hand, you don’t automatically accept things because they come from Freud,etc, neither do you automatically disregard them just because Freud or whoever agreed with them.

If it is in fact a Torah hashkafa, which I believe it is, that means that it predated Freud and that he actually got it from the Torah (although it may have been indirectly).

Someone I know told me that he once asked Rav Matisyahu Salomon shlita about the concept that if we see that there is chachma amongst the Goyim, we should believe it (I can’t remember the exact phrase, but I think it’s from Chazal). I think his question may have been, “How can there be chachma outside of Torah?” The Mashgiach Shlita’s response was that any chachma the goyim have that is really emes they got from the Torah.

A very high percentage of psychology theorists are Jewish, so it is reasonable to assume that many of their ideas are based on Torah, although of course, many are complete kefira, so one must be very careful.

In terms of this specific idea, I think that it is completely based on Torah, and I think that one could probably find many sources to support it.

Health,

First of all, thank you very much for sharing what the Mashgiach said.

Second of all, it doesn’t contradict what I wrote. The fact that he doesn’t think that one should study Freudian psychology in college doesn’t mean that it’s impossible that there could be a random statement or two that Freud made that happen to be true.

In any case, I don’t think I got that idea from Freud. I think that I actually got it from the Torah. The idea that early influences are very strong is very much a Torah-based concept. If you want, when I have a chance, I will try to come up with and post some examples, b”n.

“You’re right! Like Ben Sorr Oomorah.”

So you do agree with my original point then.

“The Torah also has a solution, & it’s not go to therapy!”

No one was talking about therapy or about solutions. The only point I had made was that early influences have a strong effect. You thought that wasn’t true because Freud (also) said it. But as you just pointed out, he wasn’t the originator of the concept – it actually comes from the Torah.

Joe schmo, get your parents involved.